Life is What Happens
by stillwaters72
Summary: Back in Forks, newly divorced and single Mom, Bella plans to follow her old dreams. What happens when she finds herself pursued by a handsome young man? Will she be willing to love again? AH/Romance/Angst/Mid-Life Crisis/Rated M for Content and Language.
1. Air Out The Old

Life is What Happens

**a/n: Thank you to my sister, hubs and NS for their support and encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine. **

Chapter One: Air out the Old

BPOV

"Looks like we are almost done in here, Bella," said Angela placing one more box marked 'KITCHEN" on the counter. "Thanks," I replied, looking worriedly between the 'kitchen box of unknown contents' and the nearly full kitchen cabinets.

Taking a deep breath I lifted the box cutter off the counter as my two girls came squealing through the kitchen.

"Hey! Hey! Slow down! No running in the house you two! Take it to the back yard please."

"Sorry Mom," replied my oldest, Faith, contritely taking the hand of her little sister, "Come on Grace," she commanded. I watched my two girls, Faith, just turned seven, and Grace, who was still four until November, walk out the back door off the kitchen to the yard beyond. Angela's daughter, Sophie followed them holding a pink soccer ball on her hip.

Rolling my eyes at Angela I cut open the box in front of me. "Thank you for finding me a house with a fenced yard. I think they would make me stir crazy otherwise while I sort out all this chaos." The box was full of kitchen gadgets. Pulling out the corkscrew I smiled at my long time friend. "Break time?" I queried.

It was the beginning of August and it was hot for Forks. I had opened all the windows of our new home to let in the breeze. _Air out the old_, I thought absently as the circulating air cooled the sweat that clung between my skin and the thin tank I wore.

Angela placed two coffee mugs on the kitchen table while I pried the cork from the bottle of white zinfandel I had stashed in the fridge amongst the leftover containers of diner take-out. I filled each mug taking a seat with my oldest and dearest friend. One of the only friendships I maintained from the year and a half I spent at Forks High.

We sat quietly taking in the sounds of my girls outside playing with Angela's daughter Sophie. _Wow, how time flies! Sophie is, what, fourteen now? Yikes that would mean that their son Aaron is twelve? No denying now that you will be 36 next month, eh Bella? Angela hasn't changed a bit though. Maybe there is something in the water here? Wonder if it will work for me?_

"Thanks again for helping me find this house Angela" I said, feeling the need to break the silence first. Angela had been a godsend saving me from having to make trips to Forks with the girls while simultaneously trying to pack up and sell the house in Tacoma. She emailed listings and then between her and Charlie viewed the houses and gave me their feedback. It didn't take long for me to settle on this three bed, two bath, 1970's bungalow.

The lack of options in Forks also made the decision making really easy. It was providence that the Olsons chose this summer to move to a retirement community in Seattle to be closer to their children and grandchildren. Ben and Angela lived right across the street, Charlie was less than 5 minutes away and the Elementary school was right around the corner. The location was perfect.

Charlie approved of the house because the basement was dry, the shingles new and the furnace, hot water tank and fuse box had been updated recently. I loved the fenced yard and the updated wiring. _Lord knows I wouldn't survive a day without Internet and Television_. Unfortunately, the appliances came with the house. _Harvest Gold, really?_ But a trip to Port Angeles solved that and in the next day or two they would be delivering my modern fridge and stove as well as a new washer and dryer then take the old ones to recycling for me. The endless reams of flocked and flowered wallpaper, however, will take longer for me to update.

"You're very welcome!" Angela chirped. "Did everything go okay in Tacoma?" she asked then, hesitantly, covering the question with another sip from her mug. The question was loaded. Did what go okay: The divorce settlement; the sale of our Tacoma home where my children were born and my marriage ended; or the packing, organizing and downsizing of 8 years worth of joint belongings?

"Everything went as smoothly as it could, I suppose," I answered vaguely, covering all the bases. "I couldn't believe how much stuff I had kept from when the girls were babies. I kept a few mementos and gave the bulk of the clothes and gear to a local Mother Support Organization. Sorting out what I thought Jake would want or not was more difficult. Jake, of course, has been at work for the last six weeks and thus was spared from all of this." I might have huffed out the last just a little bit. It seemed like I had been on my own with everything for so long that being divorced now really didn't seem all that different.

"What is Jake doing now?"

"He is working up somewhere in Canada at the moment. He should be back next week. I think he is planning on taking the girls camping when he gets back" I answered. Jake and I had agreed that he would take the girls whenever he was home. Jake was a specialist welder and his skills sent him to remote locations all over Northern Canada and the States. He would be gone weeks to months at a time then home for a few weeks. The money was excellent and he loved what he did. So in a way, our custody arrangement didn't seem odd to the girls. They were not seeing their Father any more or less than they did before.

"So what are Ben and Aaron up to today?" I asked to change the subject.

"Oh, they went to some kung fu movie marathon in Port Angeles. They're getting in some guy time," She answered with a grin.

Angela and Ben were High school sweethearts. They took a brief break when they started college but that only seemed to strengthen what they had. They married before graduating and soon completed their family with their daughter Sophie and then their son Aaron. Ben is a web designer and his work from home flexibility allowed them to stay in Forks near both their families. They both also wanted to raise their children in the same environment of quiet security that they experienced growing up on the rainy coast of the Olympic Peninsula.

"What else is new in Forks these days? What is the current gossip?"

"Well," Angela drew out "Lauren and Tyler are on a 'break'," she said air quoting. "He apparently has left for Vancouver to 'find himself'," air quoting again "and Lauren is still here operating the gym they opened up a few years ago."

"Hmm," Angela tapped her chin, thinking "Jessica is pregnant again. So this will be number four for her and Mike. He is over the moon and has baby pictures splattered all over the counter at their store. His parents retired last year so he and Jessica have been running Newton's independently since then."

I nodded, Mike was always a sweetheart. Lauren and Jessica both had their catty shallow moments but Mike and Jessica seemed happy together. Lauren and Tyler, though, just seemed to be together for something to do. I was not over surprised by their constant on again, off again relationship.

"Oh, and we got a new doctor in town two years ago." This was definitely news to me. "His name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife is Esme," Angela continued. "They moved from Alaska. Esme said that she wanted to retire somewhere green with rocks and water and not so much snow and cold. They built a house out on the river right out of town. I haven't seen it but I heard that it is something else. Esme, Jasper and I all sit on the Library Board together. Her son and wife moved here just this summer. I think his name is Emmitt and he took over the vacancy at the Forest Ranger Station. You will meet his wife Rosalie at the school because she is the new kindergarten teacher."

"They have two more kids, twins, a boy and a girl. Esme has shown me pictures. They have been doing some kind of tour of Europe for the last couple of years," Angela concluded.

"Wow, Forks hasn't seen this much new blood since Jasper moved here six years ago," I joked.

"I know! Speaking of Jasper have you had a chance to see him yet?"

"No, he actually went home for a visit down in Texas. I guess his Dad has been feeling poorly," I answered. Jasper and I met while I was pregnant with Faith, before Jake and I relocated to Tacoma. He moved to Forks as the new High school history teacher. Angela and I befriended him immediately. With email and then Facebook our friendship blossomed. Even though he is younger than me he always had felt like an older brother. Like Angela he has been my support through the struggles of the last year.

A sharp knock on the front door followed by a loud "Hey there, Bells" stopped our conversation as Charlie entered the house. Walking from the kitchen into the foyer, I stopped at the base of the stairs when I saw that my dad was not alone. Seth Clearwater was standing beside him looking sheepish for some reason.

"Hey Dad," I greeted him as I smiled and waved at Seth. Since Charlie and Sue had announced their relationship a few years ago Sue's son, Seth, became like my younger brother just like I had thought her daughter, Leah, was like my sister.

"So," Charlie shuffled his feet, "I see the moving van is gone. Is everything going okay in here?"

"Yeah, it didn't take long for everything to get unloaded and Angela has been great coming over to help me unpack," I responded. "What brings you here Dad? I thought you were fishing today?"

"Well, um, Sue and Leah are over at Billy's right now cleaning the place up. Nobody has really been in there since Billy passed last year," a brief wave of sadness flashed in his eyes "And, well, they wanted Seth and me to come over and pick up Jake's stuff."

My stomach clenched at his words. Tears started to sting my eyes. Charlie would go fishing the day his daughter is moving into a new home with his two grandchildren but will cancel to help 'Leah and Jake' get settled into their new love nest. I breathed heavily through my nose before responding trying to not think about where I landed in this pecking order.

"Jake's stuff is in a storage unit in Tacoma Dad."

"Well that doesn't make any sense Bells. Why wouldn't you just bring it here in the moving van with the rest of it?" he asked. _Seriously?_ "I thought you guys were being grownups about all this. There is no reason to start being rude now." _SERIOUSLY?_ Charlie's obtuse response shook me. Tasting bile I fought back making the many retorts that came immediately to mind.

Charlie never did do well with emotional situations and I could only imagine how confusing this all was to him. He didn't mean to be hurtful the relationships had just become so entangled. Charlie is my Dad. Sue is his girlfriend. Sue's daughter Leah is Jake's girlfriend. Jake is my ex-husband. _Because of Leah! Gad! This is so incestuous!_ So being Charlie he just wanted to pretend that we were all one big happy family. _Why then do I have to be treated like the petulant child?_

"Dad," I replied as calmly as I could "Jake asked me to put his stuff, which is mostly tools by the way, into storage so he could sort and ship everything on his own time".

"Oh". Both men looked uncomfortable. Seth stared out the still open door with his hands in his pockets. "I guess Leah didn't get the message," Charlie mumbled rubbing his moustache. _Don't worry Leah I got the message_, I thought bitterly.

"Poppa!" my girls squealed in stereo running back into the house. They rushed Charlie each grabbing a knee.

"Hey, how are my angels?" he said stroking both heads of dark brown hair with his large hands.

"Sophie was showing us how to play soccer, Poppa. Grace kicks real good. It is really hot. Can we get ice-cream?" Faith expressed with a grin and one long breath.

A huge smile softened Charlie's features. "That okay with you Bells? I will just send Seth back as we were in his truck anyways and I will take the girls down to the Diner for ice-cream in your minivan?"

"That sounds great Dad," I answered.

With waves and smiles the two men and two girls left the house.

I walked back into the kitchen where Angela silently handed me my re-filled mug of wine. Angela always knew when words were not necessary.

oooOOOOooo

Plumping the last pillow on Grace's bed I stood back and stretched the kinks out. I took in her room with a smile. Everything was pink at her request but I played it up by differing the shades and working in some brown so she wouldn't out grow it too quickly. Faith's room was similar except that she chose purple and green.

Jake had got home a few days ago and had taken the girls camping as promised. Charlie joined them over the weekend. He loved teaching the girls how to fish and, unlike their Mother, they were enthused to learn. By the time Jake drops them off tomorrow night the paint fume smell should be gone.

Satisfied that their rooms were unpacked and ready for the upcoming school year I flipped off the light switch and headed downstairs.

The upstairs held only the two bedrooms and a full bath. Downstairs was the eat-in kitchen, living room, laundry, master bedroom and the luxury of an ensuite bath. It only had a shower but it was wonderful to not have to trudge upstairs in the middle of the night to pee.

I walked easily through the dark to my bedroom. Having spent the last week or so getting everything unpacked and put away and then the last few days child free meant that they were no obstacles to trip me up as I made my way.

Since the girls were no longer babies there were no more diaper changes or potty training. No more getting up constantly through the night to nurse or fetch bottles. No more highchairs and exersaucers to take up floor space. Of course do not get me started on the hell of the zillion tiny accessories that seem to come with Barbie dolls and Ponyville toys.

With Jake taking them now on his time off to his place in La Push it is like Mommy Emancipation. Before when he was home he would be gone most of the time anyways. Visiting with his pals or tinkering on his latest toy in the garage. But he was almost always home at night to play with his girls, give them their baths and read them a story when it was time to tuck them into bed.

There was no denying that he loves his little girls.

I wonder now if I married Jake because I was so broken. Did I marry him because it seemed like the right thing to do? He wanted me. Charlie and Billie wanted us to be together. He made me feel cherished. He made me happy. Whatever the reason it wasn't enough to keep us together. The friendship remained but the rest wavered. Two people living together for a common purpose but with nothing in common. I don't know when it happened but we stopped being happy. I stopped being happy.

On some level he must have always known that he was the one more romantically invested and that is why when given another chance at love he took it. Leah made him feel needed. Inversely, I suppose, I did not. Besides, who wants to come home to an unhappy bitter bitch.

Grumbling at the turn my thoughts were taking, I quickly stripped off my tank and paint-scarred yoga pants. Throwing them into the laundry bin I realized that I had been wearing the same clothes for the last three days. I even slept in them the one night not bothering to change after a long day of stripping wall paper. Ew. The joys of being a stay at home single Mom.

Walking into my bathroom I flipped on the light and started the shower. When the water warmed up enough I stepped into the small corner shower dunking my head under the spray. With the water warming my skin I realized that I was humming the tune to Wasting away in Margaretville. _Where the hell did that come from? Well at least the girl's have been gone long enough that I don't have the theme song to 'Wonder Pets' stuck in my head._

I shampooed and rinsed quickly then began shaving in the confined space while my conditioner set. Finally done with the work part of my shower I set back in the hot stream and just let myself **be**.

This will be the third time I have moved 'back' to Forks in the last twenty years. I just seem to yo-yo between this small town and the supposed rest of my life.

The first time I came to Forks was for my Mom. Moving here with Charlie to finish high school gave her the freedom to travel with and enjoy her new husband. Thinking of her and Phil and their happy little home in Florida always made me smile. Mom is still young at heart and nothing ever seems to get her down. Phil is her gravity. They are perfect together.

The second time I came to Forks was two-fold. I was two years out of University when Charlie had his heart attack. He survived but needed assistance while he recuperated from by-pass surgery. I needed to escape Florida after everything that went down with James. My mind shied away from the images thoughts of him brought. So I returned to Forks to take care of Charlie and escape the debacle that was my first marriage.

This is when Jake came into my life. Our relationship started out as friendship. I had known Jake, more or less, all my life. His Dad and mine grew up together and were best friends. When I was little both are families spend time together hanging out in La Push or going fishing. When I returned to Forks the second time Jake was all grown up and more than happy to help me pick up the pieces of my life. It was like he could make the sun shine in the rain. He was easy to fall in love with.

We started hanging out and then dating. Jake was the one that pushed for more and I accepted his advances. He made me feel whole. He made me laugh. He felt safe. In hindsight I recognize that passion wasn't there. Certainly there was some chemistry. Jake is beautiful inside and out. Over the years his tall muscled body has softened and he has lost his long ebony hair to a more practical for work crew cut. However, he still has his smooth coppery skin and warm happy brown eyes.

Jake and I had a small wedding on the beach in La Push and moved to Tacoma. He expanded on his natural mechanical skills at school there and ended up specializing in welding. He started working at the same time that we started our family. We decided that I would stay home and raise our girls while they were little. Honestly I was so tired all the time taking care of them and our home I couldn't imagine working on top of it and neither of us wanted to do daycare while the girls were infants.

Time just passed by so quickly. Somewhere during that time I lost myself. I was Charlie's daughter and Jake's wife and Faith and Grace's Mom. Somewhere along the way I had let Bella slip away.

Now here I am again newly divorced and living in Forks. I just seem to keep going round and round here. I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

Towelling off I stopped catching my reflection in the vanity mirror. I wonder if in another ten years I will again be crawling back. Maybe I should just say – screw it- and just stay. No longer treat this as a stopover point and accept it as my forever.

Looking at my reflection I began to take inventory. What have the last ten years brought Bella Swan?

Definitely some baby weight. Okay more than a little. I feel like my body has a layer of jell-o armour. Well I can probably join the gym in town. _Ugh that means Lauren_. Well no room in the house for a treadmill so the gym it is. Not much can be done for the stretch marks or the c-section scar gained from having Grace. Well, it is not like I plan on wearing a bikini EVER again. As for the boobs well they had been 'working' boobs. Breastfeeding is worth it but it does change things. In my case they ended up bigger but less perky than before.

My skin was still relatively smooth and I occasionally get carded for booze. _Hmm though I imagine they are being nice since I usually get called 'Ma'am' while they are making the ID request_. Being pale and phobic of any tanning attempt have served me well in the skin aging department. But good night cream doesn't hurt. With that last thought I pulled out and started applying my lotions.

My hair is still long, brown and curls in the rainy humidity of Washington. Though the red highlights are more often the affect of foils from my monthly color appointment to disguise the few white hairs that have made an appearance.

I remember when brushing my hair, my teeth and quickly washing my face was all that my beauty regime required. However, as we get older everything just seems to get more complicated.

Fatigue swept over me. Staring into my own brown eyes I relived the conversation last week with Charlie. Jake had already come to take the girls and Dad decided to stop by to check on me during his lunch break.

"How did it go this morning with Jake?" he asked, sitting having coffee at my kitchen table.

"Oh, good. Faith and Grace are really excited for their camping trip. Even though it is just a tent set up in his backyard," I laughed.

Charlie chuckled. "They certainly didn't get their outdoor spirit from you. You hated camping".

I shrugged. It was true. Sleeping on the ground being cold and using the great outdoors for my toilet ceased to interest me at an early age. Living with Renee made me a city girl. "Must be their Dad and Poppa in them," I said with a smile.

The girls were a mix of Jake and me. Though their hair was more brown than black they both had their dads dark warm brown eyes and they both were growing like weeds suggesting that they will both be tall like him as well unlike my diminutive 5 foot four. Neither girl is cursed with my pale complexion either rather they have a golden cream skin that tans easily in the sun rather than going from white to lobster in under twenty minutes. Personality wise, Faith, has my quiet serious nature and Grace carries Jakes gentle exuberance.

"How are things with you and Jake?" He asked then uncomfortably.

"Same as always. Really Dad it is not like we don't or can't get along. Jake and I work well together married or not. We are still friends I guess. We need to be so that everything works for the girls. It is why we both decided to move back here." I replied. "You know we didn't get divorced because we hate each other. We just, I don't know, I guess we just stopped wanting to be man and wife and of course, there is Leah," I fumbled out.

Charlie looked out the window his fingers tapping the coffee mug between his hands. Charlie didn't approve that Jake wanted out of our marriage so that he could be with another woman. It complicated things too that the woman was Leah. At least Jake was good enough to tell me first, unlike James. It helps a little but there is no denying that it doesn't hurt that I have now had two marriages end because someone else came along who was better.

"I still don't like this idea of yours to be driving all the way down to Olympia almost every day to take more classes Bella. Why don't you just take something here at the extension college?"

"They don't have the classes I want to take Dad. All that is available in town is Teacher or Nursing accreditation, secretarial or bookkeeping. I already have a degree. But I have been out too long without any work experience. I need to build on what I have," I told him, already seeing where this was leading.

"I dunno, Bells, it just seems that at your age with two kids to take care of you should be a bit more practical. If you took something here you could be done and working in six months and not have to lean on Jake's child support."

Gad he makes me feel like somehow I am not only irresponsible and not 'acting my age' but also a leech on Jake's money. Does he not remember that it was MY hush money/divorce settlement from James that paid for all of Jake's courses in the first place and bought the house in Tacoma? Money which ironically I had to split with him as shared assets in our divorce. I certainly wasn't going to feel guilty about using his child support to take care of our kids while going back to school. _Okay he hit a sore spot. None of this is what he really means, right?_

Angry brown eyes now stared back at me. No Bella. You may be back in Forks starting over yet again but that is exactly what this is – starting over. It is a beginning not an ending. _This time nothing is going to stop you from following your dreams_, I told myself determinedly.

13


	2. Bring In The New

Life is What Happens

**a/n: Thank you to my pre-readers sis, hub and NS. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine. **

Chapter Two: Bring in the New

BPOV

It was raining in Forks, which really isn't much of a surprise. I pulled into the small lot of the Elementary school and parked my minivan. _I really should have brought my umbrella_. With a sigh I unlatched my seatbelt and gathered the registration forms, tucking them inside my light coat to protect the paper from the rain. I jogged into to the entrance of the school which only served to splash the rainwater up the lower half of my jeans.

With my shoes squeaking on the freshly polished linoleum I entered the office. Behind the reception desk sat an older woman holding a phone to her ear. She held up a finger to me indicating me to wait, to wrap up her phone call I assumed.

"Uh huh, uh huh. Really! Oh okay, but Isabella Black is here, yes I know, hang on," she chuckled before pressing a red button on the phone's base. _Ugh_. _How is it that everyone in this town knows me?_

"Yes, Isabella, you have the registration forms?" she asked turning in her seat towards me.

"Hi, yes here they are," I said handing her the completed forms.

"So how is your Father doing these days? I understand that he has gone onto light duty?" she asked while looking through the forms.

"He is good. He complains that he is bored now that he can't 'be out in the action' but doctor's orders are doctor's orders. He still has a lot to offer the department," I answered with a shrug.

"Well everything here seems to be in order except that you have yourself written down here as Ms. Bella Swan?"

"Yes, that is correct, I never changed my name, but both Faith and Grace's surname is Black," I responded with an internal groan. I never had to explain this in Tacoma.

"Oh. Well I suppose that was a very convenient decision in light of everything".

_Bitch._

"Well here is their class assignments and supplies list. Faith is with Mrs. Thompson for grade two and Grace will have Ms. Hale for kindergarten. Ms. Hale is setting up her room right now and left a message with me that she would like to see any of the parents who come by," She said handing me the handouts. "The kindergarten classroom is on the end of the left wing," and with that she returned the phone to her ear. I guess her partner in gossip, er, conversation was still on the line.

My shoes stilled squeaked as I walked down the hall to the kindergarten classroom. The walls were adorned at regular intervals with empty corkboards freshly painted in bright primary colours. I stopped when I came to a partially open door with the name Ms. Hale and a large green frog on it. Giving the door a quick knock I stepped into the room. The door came to an abrupt stop with a thud and a sharp "ow," from the other side.

Cringing I looked around the door. Yep, I had slammed into the body of who, I could assume, was my daughter's kindergarten teacher. She was rubbing her elbow with one hand and holding a paper frog in the other.

"I'm so sorry!"

The tall blonde woman grinned and with one final rub on her elbow said "No problem nothing is broken". Gesturing for me to follow her she walked to her desk in the corner of the room. "So I am Rosalie Hale and you are the parent of-?" she broke off fingering through a stack of papers on her desk.

"Grace Black," I completed for her. "I just dropped off the rest of the registration material at the office." Rosalie Hale was so beautiful that it was a good thing that she was an elementary school teacher. If she was a high school teacher with her long honey-blond waves and her magazine model perfect face and figure she would have the boys too distracted to learn and all the girls would gain an inferiority complex. _Hell I am feeling slightly inferior myself_.

"Okay," she replied. "I just wanted to double check her approved pick-up list, Mrs. Black".

"Swan".

"Sorry?"

"It is Bella Swan. My ex husband is Mr. Black."

"Ok-ay. Is he on the contact list as well as yourself?"

"Yes Jacob Black, Grace's father, Charlie Swan, her grandfather and myself. Oh, and maybe we should add Angela Chaney and Leah Clearwater just in case. Angela is my neighbour and friend and Leah is, well, Jake's girlfriend as well as old friend of the family."

She started chuckling. "Duly noted," she said. "I have been really looking forward to meeting you, Bella. The Chief talks about you all the time."

"You know my Dad?"

"Yeah, my husband works here with the Forest Rangers and they work pretty closely with the Police. They have some pretty heavy collaborative efforts you know, with the hikers, hunters and campground partiers," she said with a dramatic eye-roll.

Laughing, we continued to visit and surprisingly exchanged phone numbers with the promise to go for drinks. Her husband, Emmitt Cullen, moved to Forks in January to take his position at the Ranger Station and Rosalie followed after finishing up the school year at a school in Seattle. She told me that she and Emmitt met at the University of Washington where she took Elementary Education and he was taking Wildlife Management and Environmental Studies.

Unsurprisingly, the two of them had already been introduced to Jasper, much to their delight. The three of them had already struck up friendship though she said that Jasper had mentioned my return to Forks in passing. It seemed that he hadn't given her any background history to which I was thankful for. Rosalie was finding that making friends in a small town as an 'import' difficult. Being a teacher didn't really help as, "The teacher's lounge has more high school angst and cliques than a high school," which I thought was pretty damn funny and could totally believe.

We then discussed the pros and cons of small town life. Rosalie and I both had at some point attended high school with higher populations than the town of Forks. Rosalie was still in the throes of culture shock and was lamenting the loss of anonymity that is the reality of a small town. While there is some comfort in the familiarity it can be intimidating to those of us who were not born and raised here with parents and grandparents that were still living here who were also born and raised here. When families have that kind of history it is easy for everyone to, at times, get a little too comfortable with knowing everyone's business. That, and in Forks, there really wasn't much else to do.

With a lighter and drier step I left the school, with school supply lists in hand, a smile on my face and shoes that no longer squeaked.

oooOOOOooo

"I swear Jasper, I had forgotten how people here have no verbal filter," I grumped with my elbows on the table hiding my face in my palms. Jasper and I were sitting across from each other in a booth at the Forks Diner. It had been some time since I had last seen my friend. We had already ordered and received our coffee while we waited for our meals.

He laughed lightly at my distress pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up from where they had slipped down his nose. "Seriously it takes me back to last time I came home. 'Really Bella why would you get a Psychology degree instead of doing something practical like teaching or nursing?'" I mimed words spoken to me from years past.

"How about 'what do you mean you're not gay? I mean, like, you are so polite and dress so well'," Jasper mimicked the surprised words of Jessica Stanley from a few years back when she found out Jasper was dating a female.

"Aw, Jasper, that is just because she couldn't understand a guy who didn't try to flirt with her. Besides you don't strike me as Gay, Forks just doesn't recognize your awesome metrosexualness," I laughed.

Jasper Whitlock was very good-looking, with chin-length blond hair, clear blue eyes and geek-chic style. Add in those southern manners and sexy accent one would think he would have a harem following him around. Unfortunately, his nerdy shyness left him fumbling with the ladies. I found him smart, charming and endearing.

We hit it off soon after he moved into town as I was a history buff and he a history teacher. Rumours abounded that I was cheating on Jake with him but Jasper and I never saw each other that way. There was never any sexual tension just easy going camaraderie_. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that so many people think he is gay. It doesn't help that he only seems to meet and date women online._

"My hands down favourite was from Mrs Crawley 'I just don't understand you girls going to University after all you can't have your cake and eat it too'," I said. This last memory set a bad taste in my mouth. It seemed a bit too true in hindsight.

"I always considered myself more of a renaissance man myself, but if I must, I will be your token metrosexual friend."

Laughing we both returned to sipping our coffee. The Forks Diner was packed for the usual weekday lunch service. This allowed for a loud buzz so Jasper and I were able to talk relatively freely without worry of eavesdroppers, deliberate or not.

"Hey. I am really sorry about how things turned out with Maria, Jasper," I spoke quietly. He shrugged staring into his coffee mug. Jasper met Maria through some revolutionary war blog site. They chatted online for a few months and then started dating when she disclosed that she lived in Seattle. They started seeing each other on weekends and even took a couple holidays together. Maria was in Jaspers life for two years before she admitted that she was married and had no intention to leave her family for him.

She broke his heart.

"Well it is what it is," he responded. "Some people just don't bring out the best in each other. In a way I am glad it is over. But I don't regret that it brought me here to Washington."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it is beautiful here. The scenery is like poetry. I love teaching here, the kids are great and the small class sizes allow me to really engage them. That is a feat when you are teaching history. And besides, I have made some great friends here," he said with a smile leaning back in the booth seat. "And really, Bella if you think that I am too 'metrosexual' for Forks you can imagine how well I fit in back in Texas? Cowboy I am not!"

We both leaned back in our seats when the young girl working our section refilled our mugs with coffee. Jasper looked out the window at the rain misting down as I shook my packets of sugar. Jasper did love it here. He toured around the Olympic Peninsula eight years ago when he came up from Texas to Seattle when his brother Peter got married to a Washington girl he met in University. He said then that he fell in love with the rain and the mist and that the trees held stories of our history. Jasper truly had the soul of a poet. He went to the high school and serendipitously the current history teacher was retiring. He got the position and moved that summer.

I doctored my coffee with sugar and cream and let my eyes wander over the usual diner crowd as I stirred. The spoon clanked lazily from side to side as I took in the visages of old familiar faces. Sitting in the worn booths and Formica tables were the usual downtown business owners, truckers and a few teens hanging out with each other before school started.

Green eyes.

Looking over Jaspers shoulder my eyes were captured by the gaze of a pair of eyes of a bright enough green that there was no mistaking the colour even though they were two booths away. I didn't recognize the man who owned those eyes. He seemed young, mid twenties perhaps? He was beautiful with a mess of dark coppery brown hair, smooth even features and a strong jaw.

His eyes widened when he saw that I caught him staring. My heart leapt and, involuntarily, I smiled at him. The beautiful boy blushed! He quickly dropped his eyes and turned to respond to the dark haired girl sitting next to him who had been poking him in the arm to get his attention.

There were four people sharing the booth. I didn't recognize any of them. Travellers perhaps? End of the season tourists? My musing was interrupted with the delivery of our lunches. As we began to eat Jasper resumed our conversation.

"So small town theatrics aside how is the move and 'everything' treating you?" he asked.

"Well, you know, financially everything is okay. Selling the house in Tacoma got the few debts we had paid off and even with the division of assets I was able to buy the house here. I now own the minivan outright and had a decent amount stashed away. I'm thinking of buying one of those little hybrid SUV though for the commute to Olympia. Charlie has been giving me grief about going to school there and I am partly convinced that part of it is worry about the long drive in the winter. The house is pretty awesome too. Now that it has been stripped of its 70's glory. It was like a time warp or the set for 'That 70's Show'," I laughed, thinking about how cool a party that would make.

"Awe, you did you keep at least one room vintage all we would need is a mini bar and a disco ball?"

You read my mind Jasper but sadly no," I grinned cheekily.

"How about the girls? Have they taken to Forks?" he inquired.

"They think this is the best thing ever. They are still little so change is easy right now. They get to see Charlie more which is fantastic for all three of them. Faith had only completed kindergarten and grade one in Tacoma so she really doesn't have any established friends that she is leaving behind. As for seeing their Dad it is almost better. Before when Jake was home he would be in and out of the house, you know. Now he takes them on full time whenever he is home. They are actually getting more quality parent time with him," I explained, wiping my mouth on a paper napkin.

"I also am getting some alone time which I really haven`t had in years," I continued. "As much as I complain about Forks this is a good move for all of us. Dad is here to help out with the kids, Angela`s daughter is old enough to babysit and with Jake taking the girls to La Push when he is home I actually have some freedom that I haven`t experienced since the kids were born. Honestly the first time Jake took the girls away for the weekend after the divorce was the first time I have been away from them since they have been born."

We sat and ate quietly again for few moments. I pondered what I had just said before speaking again. "It sounds weird but in a way this is working out really well. It gives me the flexibility to go back to school and maybe get the career that I always wanted. Everyone is happy now."

Jasper furrowed his brow, leaning into the table, before asking "Are you happy?"

"Yeah...you know, you would think I would be all lonely and shit broody and bitter that my husband left me and his kids for another woman but in a way I am relieved. Does that sound awful? I think Jake and I were both lonely. Now he has Leah and that is better for him. I am actually happy for him. They are really happy together. The girls already knew her as 'Auntie Leah' through Charlie and Sue and they are sticking with that."

"So yeah, I am happy I guess. Lonely...maybe a bit...but," I tapered off shrugging and biting my lip. "So tell me about your visit home?" I ask, redirecting the conversation.

While Jasper went on to regale me with the blow by blow of family dramatics from his visit home I found my eyes drawn to the face two booths behind him. The green eyed man was talking animatedly now, gesturing and entertaining his table with some tale. His face was lively and when he laughed his whole face lit up. I started to feel lightheaded and butterflies took flight in my belly. I wanted to laugh too, so caught up in his dynamic presence.

I didn't realize how unabashedly I was staring until he suddenly caught my gaze. He smiled, no smirked, and I realized that this was no boy. I ripped my eyes away, my face flaming and my heart pounding. Gnawing on my lip I refocused on Jaspers face and I thought I heard a very masculine chuckle from two booths away.

Jasper had stopped talking his eyes narrowing taking in my flushed state. He looked over his shoulder then chuckled. "See something you like Bella?" he drawled with a smirk.

Then green eyes stood up from the booth and started to walk towards us. Oh god, oh god. I hunched down in my seat mortified but unable to take my eyes off of him. He was tall and his dark green fleece accentuated the width of his shoulders. His step was strong, quick and confident as he came towards us and then suddenly veered away towards the cash register. I flushed again even more mortified and slightly disappointed when I realized that he wasn't coming over to our booth but was on his way to pay for their meal.

Ignoring Jasper and really the entire diner I took in the sight of the backside of this beautiful stranger. I could make out his shoulder blades through the fleece and his jeans hugged the perfection that was his ass and thighs. I don't think I have ever seen a more gorgeous back view on a man.

I was interrupted from my reverie on male perfection by Jasper trying to get my attention. Apparently while I was gaping the rest of green eyes table had stopped to chat with Jasper. "Bella," he said eyeing at me knowingly, "have you had a chance yet to meet the Cullens?"

"Um, no," I said, pulling my head out of its strangely blissed out fog. I put out my hand to the couple standing before me, "Hi I'm Bella Swan," I said, introducing myself. The pair standing before us was maybe ten or fifteen years older than me.

"Pleased to meet you Bella I'm Carlisle," he said shaking my hand and then gesturing to the women next to him, "and this is my wife Esme," who in turn also shook my hand.

The couple before me would have been intimidating in there attractive sophistication with the exception that both had such friendly smiles and easy demeanour. Carlisle was tall and fit with handsome laugh lines sprouting from his bright blue eyes. I imagine that the nurses in Forks were all a flutter over this debonair man. Esme was equally beautiful as her husband with dark caramel hair and deep green eyes. She smiled lovingly at the man beside her. They held hands and laughed with Jasper over something I failed to hear as my eyes were drawn to the girl who skipped up to their side.

"Hi!" she said brightly waving at Jasper and I. There was no doubting that this girl must be the daughter of Carlisle and Esme as she was every bit as pretty and dainty as Esme and had Carlisle's blue eyes. Her hair was dark, however, with fun flirty purple streaks cut into a short flippy cut. "Bella, Jasper this is our daughter Alice," Carlisle introduced, "she and her brother just got back from Italy where Alice was an au pair for Esme's cousin's family."

Alice seemed to almost vibrate with energy taking Jasper and I in with inquisitive eyes. "So what are your plans now that you are back home Alice?" Jasper inquired politely after shaking her small hand.

"Oh, Edward and I are set up in Olympia to finish school at Evergreen State," Alice answered.

Edward? Is he the Adonis sitting with them? Her boyfriend perhaps? My heart did a weird kind of lurch at that thought.

"Edward?" I blurted out involuntarily.

"Yeah, Edward!" she called out waving the bronze-haired God over who had finished at the Diner till. He sauntered over a small smile playing about his lips as he took in the growing group at our booth. My heart picked up again looking at those lips. "Hey," he said as he arrived at Alice's side.

"Edward, this is Jasper and Bella. This lug here is my brother Edward," Alice said with a giggle knocking him in the stomach playfully. He gave her a quick stern look before smiling at Jasper and me rubbing his stomach lightly. My fingers twitched at the sight of his hands touching himself. My face grew hot.

"So," I said then needing to clear my suddenly dry throat. "Alice says that you both are going to be attending Evergreen?"

He nodded, capturing me in his gaze. The green of his eyes reminded me of tropical waters seen in travel magazines and home too. The way the sun reflects all the greenness of Forks in the early morning mists. I swear they sparkled. There was a hint of brown stubble on his square jaw and as he licked his lips I involuntarily licked my own.

He reached out and shook Jaspers hand, giving it a shake, then turned to take mine. His large hand engulfed my small one. His skin felt cool and slightly rough on the pads of his fingers. I froze at his touch, the hair on my arms rising, as a buzz flew through my body concentrated within the touch of his skin on mine. He quickly pulled his hand away from mine and I let out a small, hopefully, inaudible gasp at the loss of contact. I was so distracted by the residue of that electrical current that I almost missed what Jasper said next.

"Well, Bella will have some company then, eh darlin'?" he said motioning towards me pulling out of my trance, "She is attending Evergreen this fall as well."

"Oh yay!" Alice clapped and I think she may have even bounced a bit, "What are you taking? Maybe we will have some classes together. That would be so awesome. It sucks not knowing any one and this is our first time in Forks and we don't know anybody in Olympia."

We chatted a bit longer about classes and I exchanged pleasantries with Esme and Carlisle about Forks and my Father. Of course EVERYONE knows Chief Swan. I am sure by this time they also knew all the good tidbits on his daughters latest fall from grace. Edward didn't offer anything to the conversation. He simply smiled and nodded at the appropriate times standing with his hands in his pockets rocking slightly back and forth as if bored and eager to get the heck out of here. I guess I couldn't blame him. I well remember being bored out of my gourd sitting in this same Diner with Charlie as he gossiped and visited with the friendly folks of Forks Washington.

Finally, we all said our goodbyes and promises to see each other soon and the Cullen family departed. A French fry struck me in the forehead. Shocked I looked at Jasper, "What the heck?"

"Bella, were you perving on the son of the hot doc and his wife?" he asked grinning widely.

"Okay, you lost man points for saying Carlisle is a 'hot doc' for one and two you can just shut your trap you noodle head!" I rebutted, blushing, I'm sure, down to my toes.

"Noodle head? You need to up your game in the potty mouth department. You just lost MILF points and are officially demoted to soccer mom."

"Shut up," I responded wittily, throwing his French fry back at him.

_What the hell just happened?_

oooOOOOooo

After lunch with Jasper I drove out to Port Angeles to do a grocery run and pick up school supplies for Faith and Grace. I rushed around and hurried there and back wanting to make sure I was home before Jake got there bringing our daughters home. The back to school rush was crazy and I promised myself that next year I will get organized sooner. Of course, I say the same thing about Christmas every single year.

There was a knock on the door just as I was sitting down with a Sharpie to put names on the girls' backpacks. Jake, Faith and Grace were already in the house as I came around the corner. Jake leaned around the girls to drop their bags on the floor.

"Hey Bells," he greeted me with his deep husky voice as the girls jumped and squealed their hellos. Grace jumped into my arms demanding hugs while Faith stood back.

Laughing, I hugged Grace and put her down and moved in and hugged Faith. "So I am guessing that you all had a good time? Camping was a success?"

"We had hot chocolate and Daddy told us stories around the fire and…," started Faith "…and we cooked moshmelloows and Daddy stayed with us allll night so there would be noooo monsters!" Grace finished.

"Okay, okay! Well you two can tell me all about it but first I need you to take your bags over to the laundry room all right? Then you can go check out your new rooms. Mommy got them all done while you were with Daddy." With that my girls clapped and ran. Faith picked her bag up then helped Grace who was dragging her load down the hall.

"So it went okay then?" I asked Jake who still stood by the front door. Rubbing my left elbow I half turned towards him but kept my eyes on the retreating figures of our children.

"Oh yeah, we had a blast. We only spent the one night in the tent though. We all had a great time fishing with your Dad. Faith is mean fisherman Bells. I have her catch here," he said nudging a blue cooler with his foot that was on the floor beside him. _Oh goody – fish!_ I rolled my eyes internally. "Grace fell in the water so we ended the day swimming."

"Well I guess she has inherited my grace," laughing at the irony of her name versus the reality of her clumsy growing body.

"Well I am glad everyone had fun," I said then turning to look at him fully, "Have the girls had dinner already?"

"Leah made dinner before we left, so yeah," he answered starting to shuffle his feet. "Well, you said that you got their rooms all done? Been busy while they were with me, eh?"

"I guess. Did you want to see the rooms?" I asked.

"Actually, I should probably get going." Jake scratched at his head, his face forming into a small grimace "Leah is waiting for me. We really haven't had much time together this rotation home and I fly out again in a couple days."

"Oh. Well then you should get going. Give me a call when you know when you will be home again so we can make arrangements for the girls."

"Sure, sure," he said softly turning back to the door. His head almost brushed the doorframe. I had forgotten just how large he is. Jake opened the door but as he stepped out he stopped his hand still on the knob. "Bells – are we good? I mean are you good?"

Jake looked at me for the first time since walking in the door. "Yeah Jake, I'm good," I said softly.

He nodded then walked out of my house shutting the door behind him.

I stood, looking at the door, listening to the sound of Jake's truck starting up and then pulling out of the drive. _Am I good?_ I turned then and headed for the steps upon hearing the squeak of bedsprings. Apparently my Faith and Grace had made their way to their bedrooms.

"Bathtime munchkins! Get your patooties into the bathroom!" I yelled making my way up the stairs.

After getting the girl's bathed, their hair washed, teeth brushed and Jammies on I sat with them on the floor in Faith's room and read to the two of them. We were currently working our way through "Charlotte's Web" and I tried to read at least one chapter a night. Grace was sitting in my lap as she is the designated 'page turner'.

Finishing the chapter I put the book on the nightstand and tucked Faith in under her purple striped comforter kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair back from her face. "Night night Baby," I said. "Night Mommy," Faith responded turning over and snuggling into her pillow. I led Grace into her room where she promptly jumped up onto her bed. I pulled her comforter up as she asked, "Mommy when will Daddy be back?" "I'm not sure Beautiful, but he will come for good-bye hugs before he goes back to work. Now its night night time. I love you. Go to sleep." I kissed her on the top of her head and left her room with a sigh.

As I headed towards the laundry room I stopped in the kitchen and put a CD in the under-cabinet player. Blue October fit my mood just fine. I turned down the volume then went to work sorting the laundry out. I put in the first load, added my detergent and fabric softener and hit the start button.

I walked back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I hadn't eaten anything for dinner yet hating to cook for just myself. Cooking doesn't really rate up there with my favourite activities, I think it may even fall behind laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Actually I rather enjoy cleaning the bathroom. _Yeah. Okay, whatever._ I am a good cook but never really became a foodie. I cook because if I didn't nobody would eat. Renee was a terrible cook and was more than happy to pass off that responsibility to me when I was barely out of elementary school. If Mom was bad Charlie was hopeless. He allowed me to take on all the domestic duties when I lived with him without any question. _Questions like "Hey kid do you even want to do all that?"_ By the time I married Jake it was just the way it was_. I cook to live I can't say I live to cook._

With a sneer at my options I decided to pull out a bottle of wine instead. It was nothing fancy just one of those cheap fruit wines with a screw off cap. _My favourite_. Pouring myself a glass I set back to work getting the school supplies labelled and organized for Faith and Grace.

A half a bottle of wine later I was sitting drumming my fingers on the kitchen table. Jake's last words stuck on repeat in my mind. _Am I good? Everyone keeps asking me that. Am I supposed to not be good?_ I pushed myself up from the table with a sigh and put the wine back in the fridge. I threw the wash into the dryer and left the rest for later.

I stripped and put on my pyjamas before stretching out on my queen size bed. As I pulled the duvet up over myself I pondered over how I was feeling. Was I good? Well, yes, in that the move went well, the kids seem okay and happy with everything. I am registered to take some classes which I was definitely excited about if not a little nervous it has been a long time since I last went to school. Hell it has been a long time since I last left the house to go anywhere other than Faith's school or the grocery store.

I realized that in my head everything is just fine but inside deep deep down I just felt numb. I didn't feel sad or sorry for myself or even mad. Shouldn't I be feeling some of that?

Even the night Jake told me he wanted to end things I wasn't mad or sad or upset. If anything, I just felt like a failure.

Whenever Jake was home he always spent tried to spend some time in La Push to see his Dad down there. When news reached us that he had passed away we were all in shock. Billy Black passed away from an aneurism in his sleep eight months ago. The doctors figured that a blood clot had formed as a complication from his years in a wheelchair and made its way to his brain. He did not suffer.

Jake was away at work at the time but managed to switch shifts and went straight to La Push to join his sisters in making funeral arrangements and to deal with his estate. I was home in Tacoma with the girls who were both sick and feverish with some bug that was going around at the time and didn't join him until the day of the funeral.

The funeral was sad and touching. Billy was well known and loved in La Push. It broke my heart how sad my Dad was to lose a friend of well over thirty years. The Clearwaters were the Blacks' rock through it all, organizing the food and the flowers, standing beside Jake and his sisters.

Jake didn't want to stay that night and we made the long drive home in the dark. He was quiet the whole way and I, at some point, joined the girls in sleep not waking until will pulled into the driveway of our home. That night, after putting the girls into their beds, I lay with Jake and held him while he cried himself, softly, to sleep.

The next day he dropped the bombshell that changed everything.

Jake was still in bed lying on his back. The girls were still sleeping and I had gotten up to brush my teeth. When I came out of our bathroom Jake asked me to sit beside him on the bed. "Bells there is something I need to talk to you about," he said rubbing his large hands over his face. "Its going to seem like its coming out of the blue but I have been thinking about it for a long time and this last week has just made me realize that this is something I, or we, need to do."

"Okay," I replied, wondering if he wanted us to move or if he planning a change in jobs or something.

"I want us to get a divorce."

"W-what?" I stuttered gaping at him stunned.

"I'm sorry Bells. I have been thinking about this for a while and with dad going like he did, well. I just think it would be the best thing for both of us." He explained. Which, really, explained nothing.

"Is there – is there someone else?" I asked not really wanting the answer. The ghost of James tittered at me in the dark recess of my memory.

"Yes, but –"

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"Hell NO Bells. I wouldn't do that to you. I love you. You are my best friend. Look," he said turning to me in the bed and taking my hand in his, "I have feelings for someone else. Feelings that I don't think you and I have for each other, which I don't think we ever had for each other."

"What the hell does that mean Jake? We are married. We made children together. They are sleeping right now down the hall!" I was starting to feel slightly hysterical. How could I have screwed things all up again?

Pulling me into his chest Jake enfolded me in his big arms and started rubbing my back. "I know baby, shh, I'm so sorry but we will figure this all out. But, Bells, we have only been _existing_ with each other for the last few years. Don't you think we deserve more than that. Shouldn't we be _living_ rather than just existing?"

_Shit_

Disgusted with myself and my melancholy trip down memory lane I threw back my covers and stalked to my shower. Throwing my hair up in a messy bun I turned on the water and stepped in without bothering to wait for it to warm up.

I scrubbed my body viciously as if I could somehow wash away the sting of rejection. I thought I had done everything right for once. We dated, he proposed, he said he would always love me, everybody thought we were so great together, we got married, had babies, I did his laundry, cooked his meals, supported his decisions for school and work, never turned him away when he wanted sex, paid the bills and in the end I still wasn't enough. We didn't have enough. God! What was wrong with me? Jake was supposed to be safe. He wasn't supposed to ever hurt me. I thought we had a good life. I thought it was good enough.

_Good enough? Maybe that is what he meant. He wanted more than just good enough. Damnshitfuck_! I slammed my hand against the wall frustrated with the inability to understand my own feelings.

The reality is that I didn't miss him. Yes, I care for Jake, but I didn't miss him. It just hurt to be rejected. Alone didn't bother me so much. Besides, I wasn't alone, not when I had my two angels sleeping upstairs. The two reasons why I would never regret any of the years with Jake.

Giving up on my own thoughts I turned of the water, dried myself and put my pyjamas back on. As I slid into bed I turned my thoughts to the good parts of my day.

Rosalie had phoned while I was shopping leaving a message stating that she heard I had met her mother-in-law and that both she and Esme were hoping we three could meet for coffee sometime. That made me smile. It has been a long time since I made new friends.

And then there was the vision of manhood with green-eyes at the Diner. My stomach flip-flopped as I remembered how he looked when he was smiling at his family, his laugh so deep and smooth and his eyes glittering. He was so beautiful and that flustered me beyond reason.

_Dear Lord I am going straight to hell. Is he even legal? How long did they say he and Alice were in Italy? God why can't I remember anything we talked about? Okay, say he is at least twenty. Okay no, that doesn't make it any better. Yep. There is probably a special cougar hell just for people like me._

Shaking my head I rolled over and hugged my pillows. No point thinking about Edward Cullen. Someone that young and good-looking isn't going to be interested in some stupid frumpy middle-aged mom anyways. But I still thought about him.

Just before I drifted off I made a mental note to Google MILF in the morning. I never know what anyone is talking about anymore.


	3. Family is Home

Life is What Happens

**a/n: Special thanks to my pre-readers sis, hubs and NS. Hugs and kisses to all my lovelies who have reviewed and put this fic on their favourites and alerts.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine. **

Chapter Three: Family is Home

EPOV

The light in my room was wrong. It was a dim grey rather than the warm yellow I have usually woken up to for the last two years. The bed was wrong too. It was unfamiliar. It was raining and the drops pelted against the windows of the room.

Forks, I realized rolling over onto my back, I am in Forks. Not Italy, Not France, definitely not Alaska. _Thank God, not Alaska_.

Rubbing my hands over my face I looked over at the clock by my bed. 10:00 am it glows. I groaned then took in a deep breath fully conscious now. Laying back into my pillows I took in the sounds of the house. I could hear the rain drumming outside, the sound of the shower in the bathroom I share with my sister, and my parents voices downstairs.

Sitting up I looked around the room with a snort and a shake of my head. I never really looked at anything when we arrived here in Forks yesterday. _Was it yesterday?_ After 17 hours and five flight changes followed by the four hour drive from Seattle I did little more than drop my bags and strip before collapsing into bed. I don't even know how long I have been asleep. _Damn Jetlag_.

It must be true that for parents never want their kids to grow up. My Mother designed this house that they have built in Forks. This is their retirement retreat, though Dad doesn't look to be planning on that anytime soon. So I have no idea why she planned it with "Jack and Jill" rooms for Alice and me. Our rooms both join onto a shared bath. The rooms themselves are a time warp for Alice and I. If I didn't look outside I would think I was back in Anchorage still in high school. Even the posters from my room in the house we grew up in are tacked to the walls.

Pushing back the blankets I sat on the edge of the bed and stretched my arms above my head popping the joints that were stiff from the forced confinement of air travel. I suppose Mom wanted us to feel at home in a home that we have only heard about but never seen. _But damn Mom, I'm now a twenty-three year old man not a seventeen year old boy!_

Only my Mom would design a family home for retirement. Maybe she was hoping that Emmett, Alice and I would all be moving back. Maybe she just really needs grandchildren. Yeah, Emmett should get right on that. _At least he and Rose getting hitched had taken some of the pressure off me. At least a little._ I hated fielding my parents' questions regarding my love life. It was awkward to say the least because I simply did not have relationships as much as I had _relations_.

With one more chuckle turn groan I made my way to the bathroom and banged on the locked door. Alice's voice rang out denying me access so I turned to my luggage and pulled out some clothes and headed out to one of the other bathrooms to shower off two continents worth of travel grime. Alice takes forever in the bathroom.

One simply could not share a bathroom with my twin. Not only did she spend way to much time using the space she literally hogged it. Every surface crammed with whatever the heck bottles and jars of her daily required product. I was usually too scared to open the medicine cabinet to even ponder what it contained. Over the years I have simply found it easier to bag up my toothbrush, soap and shampoo and pack it back and forth between my room and bath.

Refreshed and dressed I went downstairs finding Carlisle and Esme standing in the kitchen. The aroma of coffee pulled me to the freshly made pot. Pouring myself a cup I turned then and gave Esme a kiss on the cheek. "Morning Mom. Hey Dad," I said before taking a long draw of my hot morning brew.

"I am so glad you are home sweetheart. I can't believe how much you have changed," she said attempting to smooth my wet hair with her fingertips. I heard her voice catch and prayed that she wasn't going to cry again. She had practically sobbed all the way home from the airport, so happy to have _her babies_ home. Instead of tears she gave me a sharp slap to my shoulder. "Don't ever leave us like that again!" she scolded.

"Ow! Jeez Mom. You are the one who made the arrangements with Uncle Marcus for Alice and me," I whined, rubbing my shoulder which now stung like a son of a bitch. That woman has a mean arm when she wants to.

"That is beside the point. You were never meant to stay away that long," she pouted.

Two years ago Esme's cousin Marcus had asked if Alice would be interested in working as an Au Pair for his daughter Gianna at their Villa in Italy. Marcus is a widower and oversees the operation of his vineyard and his daughter is a single Mom of two who works as a fashion consultant. Her twins _(must run in the family),_ Alec and Jane were getting to the age where they needed more supervision. Marcus and Esme both thought it would be a good opportunity to give Alice and me a taste of Europe, get to know that branch of the family and give both Marcus and Gianna some much needed assistance.

It was only supposed to be for a year. I wasn't even in the original plan but I wasn't about to let Alice go alone. Besides that both of us were feeling undecided about where we wanted to go with our educations and taking a break from school seemed like a really good idea. Especially after the debacle I made of things with Irinia and Tanya. I was certainly eager to escape Anchorage.

Alice and I have always been close. We are not identical twins _(obviously, as I have a Y chromosome)_ but we have always been linked and able to communicate in that creepy wordless twin way. Even though I was only born minutes before Alice I still feel protective of her and basically where Alice goes I go and vice versa. We are pretty well joined at the hip_. Okay that is weird I admit it._

We look different enough from each other, though, that often people mistook us as newlyweds when we were out and about with each other. That was wrong on so many levels except that it did keep the sharks from trying to put the moves on my pretty pixie of a baby sister. Cramped my style too but, honestly, in the last few months being played with by the locals was getting old.

It was fun being the centre of a string of endless summer romances for the first while but in the end I realize that it would be nice to be more than a pretty face and a good time_. I know, I can't believe it myself. God I must be growing up or some shit. Emmett will be so disappointed in me. The dude practically lives for my tales since he and Rose settled down._

It is strange how my family gravitates together. It is like we are our own little Universe. Mom and Dad moved down here to Forks with Carlisle joining the small hospital here _(semi-retirement – r-ight) _then Emmett takes an opening at the Ranger Station and even Rose managed to walk right into her job at the school. _Horseshoes._ Knowing my Mom she planned it. I laughed out loud at the thought of my nefarious Mother planning the downfall of all who stood in the way of her family plans. _Taking the word retirement to a whole other level._

Still chuckling and getting the eyeball from both my parents I deflected, asking, "So what are we doing today?"

oooOOOOooo

We drove through the light rain to the Forks diner for lunch. It was just the four of us – Carlisle Esme, Alice and I. Apparently, Emmett and Rosalie were working and would be joining us later for dinner.

After Alice had finished her morning libations our parents took us on tour of the house then we all got in Dad's Mercedes for a tour of Forks. The town was small but still had a variety of businesses and services for day to day life. Which was a good thing considering it was perched on the edge of the coast with roads that winded their way roundabout the National Park. The closest city was Port Angeles and even that was a good half hour drive.

The drive to Olympia, where Esme had made arrangements for an apartment for Alice and I, was at least an hour and a half on a good day. My parents were hoping we would be spending the weekends in Forks but I really didn't see that happening.

The tour of town didn't take very long as everything was located on one main drag. We killed some time at the hospital while Dad checked on a few patients before we made our way to the Diner.

I was surprised by how busy the Diner was but we managed to get a booth seat next to the windows near the back. Alice slid in first, next to the window, and I sat beside her with our parents opposite us.

We flipped our waiting coffee cups up and they were filled by the waitress who approached us with menus in one hand and a pot in the other. I immediately took a sip and instantly regretted it. _Gah!_ Either there is something wrong with the water here or they are reusing the grounds in the coffee maker. Either way I made a mental note to never drink coffee here again.

"Forks seems like a nice place Mom and the house has turned out great. You two like it here then?" I grimaced around another sip of my coffee as I spoke looking at the laminated menu.

"Oh, yes!" Esme gushed. "The people are so nice and it is so beautiful. The climate is much milder than Alaska even if it does rain all the time. I do miss the Northern Lights, however."

"What are doing to keep busy now that the house is done?"

"Oh the usual," she said with a wave of her fork. "I joined the Library Board and started a book club. I was busy helping Emmett and Rosalie get settled and the last couple weeks I was in Olympia getting your apartment ready. All that is left for you two to do is to unpack your suitcases and you are ready to go!"

The waitress approached us again with that pot of dishwater so I quickly put my hand over my mug to prevent a refill. With a tired smile she asked if we were ready to order. She was looking a little frazzled from the lunch rush.

We gave are orders handing over the menus to the waitress. I smiled at her, she was cute but a teenager, probably a summer job. She pinked nicely and I smiled internally, pleased with myself at her reaction. _Whatever, I'm a guy_. As Alice regaled our parents with stories of the adventures her two charges provided her with in Italy I looked around the Diner.

Mostly working class people: truck drivers; shop owners and a few kids hanging out waiting for school to start back up. Down our row a table had emptied and the young waitress was clearing it. I looked past Alice's' head to the outside and saw a couple breaking off from an embrace before rushing into the Diner.

The bell on the door jingled as they entered. The dude was blonde and the woman with him dark-haired. She ran into his back as he stopped to look around, for a seat I presume. They made their way to the empty booth and she removed her coat before sitting down directly in my line of sight.

I swallowed thickly as I noticed how her rain-wet hair was dampening the material of her white t-shirt along her shoulders and above her breasts. Mesmerized, I watched a droplet of rainwater trail down from behind her ear along her neck to disappear under the cotton between her breasts.

They ordered as their coffees were poured indicating to me that they were locals and familiar with the menu. The woman was really rather pretty. Her rain-darkened hair contrasted against her pale skin. Her facial features even with dark eyes and pink lips. She was talking to the man across from her adamantly then suddenly she placed her hands to her cheeks and blushed.

_Holy Hell!_ Her skin came alive with that blush, it pinked not only her cheeks but her chest even glowed in that rosy tone. Alice interrupted my ogling of the stranger's chest with a sharp jab of her elbow to my ribs.

"Ow! What the hell Alice?" I hissed. Alice smirked, eyeing me narrowly.

"Our food is here. Are you going to eat or stare at all the pretty girls?" she asked, gesturing to the plate of fish and chips in front of me_. I was only looking at one and when the hell did the food arrive? I am blaming this all on jet-lag._

The conversation quieted down for a few moments while we tucked in. I was suddenly starving and ate quickly chasing down my meal with the much safer option of water.

My eyes wandered again to the woman two booths ahead of me. Her eyes were wandering as she stirred her coffee she stroked the side of her neck and let out a deep sigh.

Then she looked directly at me_. Busted!_ I stopped breathing when she smiled a slow shy smile. It was sexy as hell. All I could see was her mouth and my heart lurched as, simultaneously, my cock twitched. Suddenly I felt my cheeks get hot. _Shit, now I'm blushing like a fourteen year old seeing boobs for the first time._

Thanks to all that is holy Alice chose that moment to start poking me in the arm giving me a needed distraction. I ripped my eyes away and turned to my twin.

"What is it Alice?"

"Whatcha looking at brother?" she sing-song whispered.

"Nothing," I glared.

"MmHmm," Alice's eyes narrowed.

She tilted her head, her blue eyes sliding away from mine as she angled her body to look over Esme's shoulder. I nudged her with my shoulder. She nudged back.

"Alice –," I growled.

"What Edward?" she queried smiling smugly.

"Nothing," I huffed.

"Okay," she winked at me and turned back to our parents. "So Dad, how is it at the hospital? Do you have all the female staff and all males unsure of their heterosexuality firmly enthralled and wrapped around your finger yet?" Alice asked with her trademark quirky smirk and a bat of her eyelashes.

"No," said Carlisle.

"Yes," said Esme, simultaneously.

I rolled my eyes as the two women laughed and my Dads ears pinked. Mom patted Dad's cheek fondly as he bashfully hung his head. He took her hand in his and gave it a kiss looking into her eyes with a smile. Mom chuckled and they placed their still joined hands on the table.

Alice and I were both quiet and we smiled at each other giving our parents their 'moment'. I looked at their hands realizing just how much in love my parent were even after all their years of marriage. _What is it now? Thirty? Alice would know she keeps track of that stuff._

I wonder what it is like to have love like that. I thought once I did. She proved me wrong however and I like a douche only screwed it up more. In Italy I didn't have a relationship that lasted longer than the vacation time for the female involved. Out of respect for our host family I didn't pursue any of the locals.

I felt a slight tingle behind my left ear and turned to look at Alice. Her eyes were soft and damp looking at our parents. A smile ghosted her lips. Her gaze turned to mine and our eyes locked. Intrinsically we knew what we were both thinking. That what our parents had together was special. That what they had we wanted too. One day, anyways. _Shit we had grown up_. She quirked her left eyebrow as I arched my right. We both started to laugh softly.

Finally, Dad cleared his throat then asked, "Did you have any trouble registering for your classes online?"

"Nope," Alice chirped.

"Uh, yes!" I stated, giving Alice a shoulder butt.

"That's only because you were lazy. If you had done it yourself you wouldn't have any problems."

"The only reason I had a problem is because you were pissed that I didn't help you out with Demetri!"

"Shut it!" snapped Alice.

"Language, Edward" Esme chided at the same time.

"I gather there is a story here," grinned Carlisle, stretching his arm across the seat behind Esme's head.

I grimaced, "Only because I made the mistake of asking my evil twin here to register me in my classes when she did hers."

"And…," Carlisle motioned with his free hand.

"Well there wasn't any problem with the core classes but one of the electives I wanted was full and Alice thought it would be fun to register me in Woman's Studies."

"So, what would be wrong with Woman's Studies?" asked Esme while my Father, eyebrows raised, wisely looked out the window. _Chicken!_

"Um…,"

"Yes, Edward, why would you not want to be a classroom full of women? I thought that would have been perfect for you?" Alice mocked_. Don't think I didn't hear the unspoken 'manwhore' twin. _

"Noooo….I was more concerned about having to be the token male to bear the brunt of centuries of misogynistic angst."

"Pfft. Edward, there is more to Women's Studies than man-hating. You are such a boy," said Esme rolling her eyes. "I thought I raised you better than that. Did you get it changed?"

"Yes. I managed to get an English elective. But I still think Alice was trying to punish me."

"Was not," Alice said poking me in the ribs. "I just thought you could handle having your horizons expanded."

"Riiiight, and it had nothing to do with a certain Italian cowboy?" I poked back, vindicated by the blush blooming in Alice's cheeks.

Raising her brows Esme asked, "Italian cowboy?"

Laughing loudly at my sister's embarrassment I proceeded to tell them about the day that I accompanied her to take Jane and Alec to their equestrian lesson. I realized quickly that Alice had a huge crush on their instructor and mistakenly made a rather risqué gaffe trying to ask him out. Her Italian wasn't quite as fluent as she thought and she had inadvertently asked him to bed. Demetri, not only was shocked by her forthrightness but then had to inform her that he was already in a relationship.

The reason why she was put out with me was because I failed to inform her of her error until we were on our way back to the villa. I thought I had made it up to her by taking the kids to their lessons after that myself. Apparently, she is still sore with me.

Alice began to correct my version of events dramatically mortified that I would tell it to our parents in the first place. _Touché, sis, for the class selection._ Arguing with her recollection I felt the hairs on my arms rise and a jolt of energy flowed through my chest.

I stopped talking and looked away from my family and found myself looking again at the dark-haired woman. She was staring at me and I chuckled internally when her eyes changed slightly recognizing that I was staring back at her.

Not wanting a repeat of our earlier stare-off, I held her gaze and gave her my well-practice slow sexy smirk. My effort was rewarded as her face lit up with another sweet rosy blush. She looked away for a moment then looked back at me. I, on the other hand, did not take my eyes off her.

Before I knew I was moving I was out of the booth and walking towards her. My heart pounded and I fixed my eyes on hers. I passed one booth, then two booths. As I approached her seat I caught the blond hair of her dining companion in my peripheral vision_. Shit, Shit! Right she is sitting with a guy. A husband? Boyfriend? Crap. _

Panicking, I quickly veered away. _Um, okay, what now?_ I spotted the till near the entrance and quickly walked over to it. The young perky waitress appeared like magic behind the till.

"You folks all done?" she asked pulling her order sheets out of her apron pocket. I could have kissed her.

"Yes, please, what's the damage?" I responded, hoarsely, pulling my wallet out of my back pocket.

After settling our tab I turned and saw my family standing at the booth with the dark-haired beauty. Alice was waving me over calling my name. I sucked in and exhaled a large breath mortified that I had almost made a play on some stranger in the Forks Diner of all places.

Nervously, I made my way over to my family and stood by Alice. "Hey," I greeted the two people sitting in the booth.

"Edward, this is Jasper and Bella," Alice introduced, motioning with her hand, "and this lug here is my brother, Edward" she finished with a giggle, backhanding me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me.

I was glowering at my sister, rubbing the sting out of my belly, when I heard _her_ voice.

"So, Alice says that you both are going to be attending Evergreen?"

I nodded dumbly, taking a good look at Bella now that I was standing so close to her. Her eyes were brown, mysterious and a little sad, framed by dark lashes. The muted light coming in through the window sent red glints through her dark brown hair.

I licked my lips in anticipation of finding my voice when her wet pink tongue darted out, running along her lower lip. At that point all thought was gone. The blood drained from my head to my groin.

Mutely, I thrust out my hand, shaking first Jasper's then Bella's. Her hand was soft and warm in mine and her touch sent a spark of nerves making my heart race. I quickly pulled away as the feel of her soft skin was doing nothing to help with my growing problem. Neither was the flushed state of her skin.

Flustered, I jammed my hands in my pockets, hoping that no one would notice my reaction. I was saved when the man, Jasper, sitting across from her spoke up.

"Well, Bella will have some company then, eh darlin'?" he said motioning to Bella. "She is attending Evergreen this fall as well."

_Darlin'?_ Looking at her left hand that was tapping her coffee mug I didn't see a ring of any sort. So she is not married but that didn't mean that she wasn't his. A wave of disappointment washed over me followed by embarrassment then anger.

I ignored the gushing excitement of Alice as she compared class selections with Bella. Annoyed with myself for getting so worked up over a complete stranger. I perked up slightly when Bella mentioned two classes that were also on my schedule for the upcoming term. The butterflies caused by the anticipation of sharing classes with her only added to my annoyance.

I maintained a polite charade through the rest of the conversation trying to ignore the jumble of feelings twisting up in my belly. Responding only when necessary I willed my family to wrap up their visit. I was anxious to escape the building and this woman who had such an unexpected affect on me.

No one had ever made me this nervous. I did not appreciate the feeling.

The women exchanged phone numbers, we said our goodbyes, and we were finally on our way.

_What the hell?_

oooOOOOooo

"Hey, hello! We're here!" shouted Emmett throwing the door to my parent's home open. I stood up from the couch turning, grinning from ear to ear. It was good to see my brother again.

Emmett started towards me with a grin and his arms spread wide when he was tackled by Alice, a squeal his only warning, as she came out of no where.

Enveloping her in his burly arms, Emmett swung Alice around in a circle before putting her down. Alice kissed him on the cheek before pivoting and running to embrace Rosalie who was still standing in the doorway.

As the girls hugged, I sauntered to my brother and gave him a bump on the shoulder. "Hey, Emmett, good to see you."

Emmett swooped in gave me a hug and twirl similar to the one he gave Alice. "Aw, come on man, put me down," I complained.

"Hey, Edward, haven't you finished growing yet?" he said with a grin and giving my shoulder a punch. I tried not to stagger. There must have been something in the water when Mom was pregnant with him.

Emmett and I were close in height but where I was lanky in musculature he was all bulk. He and Alice looked the most like siblings though, even though she and I are twins. They both shared Carlisle's blue eyes and both were dark-haired. Emmett even shared Alice's impish smirk and her playful nature.

Esme and Carlisle came in then from the kitchen and similar greetings were shared. We all moved to the Dining Room for dinner. As we all took our seats Esme brought in the huge pot roast and placed in the centre of the table. She then sat down, looked around the table, and burst into tears.

"Jeez Mom, what's wrong?" asked Emmett leaning towards her from his seat.

"I'm just so ha-ha-happy," she sobbed. "My whole family is home!"

It took a few minutes but with hugs and kisses Esme settled down and we all dished up and began to eat. I kept giving my Mom careful glances watching as she beamed and gushed at all of us. I realized, then, that for the last couple years she and Dad had been alone. Emmett and Rose had been in Seattle, Alice and I in Europe and Mom and Dad here in Forks.

They had lived for over twenty years in Anchorage where Dad worked and Mom raised us three kids. I imagine that it has been a lot of change for my Mom in the last two years. They moved, built a house, left behind friends and memories. Even though Emmett, being five years older than Alice and I, had been in Seattle for the last six years, she wasn't really alone until Alice and I left for Italy.

Now we were all back together again. Mom and Dad had their home here in Forks, as did Emmett and Rosalie. Alice and I, with our apartment in Olympia, were now nearby as well. My parent's had their family back.

I felt a little guilty for my earlier plans of not coming home every weekend.

Bemused by my thoughts it took me a minute to pick back up on the conversation going on around me. Emmett was busy describing some recent problems with Bears getting too close to town.

"They are attracted to the garbage in town and the same with the campers in the park. Chief Swan came up to the station for coffee today and we are working on some tactics for educating everybody about 'Bear Safety'," he said. "The most important points being methods of securing your food and garbage in the park and the Chief is pushing Town Council for special garbage cans to be provided to every household in Forks."

"Speaking of Chief Swan, we met his daughter today at the Diner, she was having lunch with Jasper Hale," said Esme around a sip of her wine. Irrationally, both my ears and my pants twitched.

"I met her today as well," volunteered Rosalie. "She came in to the school to finish getting her kids registered."

_Kids!_

"Bella has children?" asked Alice.

"Yes, two girls, her youngest will be in my kindergarten class."

Emmett chuckled, "Yeah, the Chief has been going on and on about those two today. He says that they are his new little fishing buddies. Their other Grandpa, his old fishing buddy passed away last year, and I think that Charlie has been feeling lonely."

"Would that be Billy Black, Emmett?" asked Carlisle.

"Yeah. He and Charlie had been tight since they were boys."

"Where's the Dad?" I asked, positive that there had been no wedding band her smooth little fingers.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, grimacing, "I understand that he and his girlfriend have moved into his Dad's old place in La Push. The gossipy harpies made sure to fill me in on all the details in the lunchroom this afternoon. Told me all about how her ex left her for a younger, newer model. They make out like getting divorced and having to start over as a single Mom is taking the walk of shame."

"Well, I suppose it is probably best to leave the gossip in the lunchroom," said Esme, kindly. "It is Bella's story to tell. I was thinking of asking her out for coffee later this week, would you like to join us, Rosalie?"

"I would love too, thank you."

"I can't wait till we see her next week," piped up Alice. "Edward and I will have a Sociology class with her twice a week." And I will have an English class with her I thought to myself. "She seemed really sweet and nice. Didn't you think so too, Edward?"

I grunted noncommittally, pushing away the image of her damp, white t-shirt and rain droplets on her skin.

Thankfully, the conversation drifted away to other topics as the dinner dishes were cleared and dessert served.

Eventually the evening came to a close and our family made plans for future visits before Rosalie and Emmett departed. I kissed my Mom and bade my Dad goodnight, leaving the two of them with Alice having drinks in the living room in front of the fireplace, and made my way to my time warp of a bedroom.

Still feeling the effects of the time transition and full from dinner I didn't bother to shower and just stripped down to my briefs and crawled into bed. Once comfortably situated I thought about the day.

The town of Forks, while small and out-of-the-way, seems to make my Parent's happy. The scenery is glorious. Dad is content and not harried at the hospital, mostly dealing with family medicine. Mom has ingratiated herself easily into the community through her natural charm and involvement of community boards.

Even Emmett and Rosalie had both found their niche. Emmett had mentioned to me this evening that he and Rose have been trying for a baby for the last year or so. The thought of little Emmetts running around made me shudder slightly but I was happy for him nonetheless.

The thought of children took me back to Bella. Did she look like a Mom? I hadn't really thought about how old she was when I was checking her out this afternoon. Older than Alice and my twenty-three years I suppose. I have never really been one to worry about age, except ensuring that a female is legal of course. I either am attracted to a woman or I'm not. I certainly found Bella attractive. I think she returned the favour?

What Rosalie had learned about her being jilted probably explained the sadness in her eyes. What a jerk, but I suppose his loss is somebody else's gain. That thought only reminded me that she was having lunch with the 'wonderful Jasper Hale'. After dinner the ladies in the household gushed on about him. Really, what kind of douche sits on the library board?

My jaw clenched in annoyance remembering him calling Bella 'Darlin" in his pervy southern drawl. _Seriously, am I getting jealous over a chick I have met once?_ I willed myself to relax and thought instead about the week ahead. I am looking forward to the start of classes.

Alice and I have been out of school for a couple years now and when we left neither of us had yet declared majors. Our time abroad had helped in focusing our interests.

Alice had originally started in Fine Art and while away found herself enjoying any opportunity to visit a gallery or museum. We spent a week holiday in Paris just so she could go to the Louvre. She found who focus moving away from being an artist to wanting to major in Art History and possibly go on into conservation.

As for myself, I started my education looking at music, since I have played one instrument or another since I was a child. While in Italy, however, I found a new passion in photography and Evergreen had some excellent classes in both journalism and photography. It seems like a good way to travel the world, perhaps freelance or work for National Geographic or even some travel magazine.

Of course, thinking of my upcoming classes only reminded me that I would be seeing Bella Swan three times a week. I was hesitantly looking forward to it.

20


	4. Deep Breath In

Life is What Happens

**a/n: Love and hugs to my readers, reviewers and blessed pre-readers (who endure my obsessing over details and my own mid-life crisis rants).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine. **

Chapter Four: Deep Breath In

BPOV

Who would have thought that such an innocuous looking building could cause this kind of anxiety? But here I am scared shitless, sweating parked in student parking, sitting in my mini-van, having a stare-off with the campus of Evergreen State College.

_God, was I this scared the first time?_

_Probably, but at least at that time I was young and fresh - I belonged_.

Pulling my hair away from my temple with both hands I let out a shuddering breath, not even realizing that I had been holding it in. I looked around at the mess surrounding me. Two boosters behind me, empty drink boxes and fast food toys littering the floor, and a collection of CD's strewn across the passenger seat.

I really need to clean this crap up, but in the rush of the last week it just had not been a priority.

Pulling my fingers through the length of my hair I chewed my lip looking back at the innocently intimidating building.

I tapped my fingers anxiously then moved them to smooth the front of my light weight v-neck sweater. I had actually changed my clothes three times before settling on a standard sweater, jeans and flats combo. The first outfit being to business-like, I worried that I would be mistaken for staff, and the second too casual. Though I have memories of wearing sweats and t-shirts to class during my first college experience I thought that yoga pants would be pushing it.

As I reached over to grab my bag from the passenger side floor my fingers twitched towards the glove compartment. It held my secret stash of menthols and matches. One cigarette would settle my nerves nicely.

I jumped in my seat at the sudden tapping on the window behind me. Spinning around I met the smiling faces of Edward and Alice Cullen. Alice's hand was still raised and the half fist quickly morphed into an open-palm wave.

My stomach twisted as my heart lurched and thudded in my chest, whether from nerves or surprise, I didn't know. Giving the two a half-hearted smile I pulled my keys from the ignition and dragged my bag from the passenger side floor.

The two backed up as I exited the vehicle and pressed the button on my key-fob to lock it. Turning away from my van I worked up the nerve to look up from my shoes.

"Hey," I said with a wave that was more of a flick of my wrist.

"Hi, Bella! I thought that was you in there," Alice greeted with energy, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet. Edward gave a nod in my direction before turning to look across the lot. "Here for the 'Modern Communications' class, right?" Alice asked.

"Uh, yep."

"Great!" she responded holding up a highlighted map of campus. "I have marked out the quickest route to class and if we get moving we should be there early enough to scope out some seats together!"

"Are all three of us in the same Sociology class?"

"Yes silly! We talked about it at the Diner, remember?" Alice answered with an arched eyebrow, already on the move.

_Um, No. I was distracted by the startling handsome brother you had standing there beside you._

"Oh right, sorry," I say instead. I had to move my feet quickly to stay in step with the small girl. Considering that she is slightly shorter than me, she set a fast pace. Edward, with his long legs, sauntered along easily.

Alice, armed with her map, led us across campus, through doors, up stairs and down hallways, all the while chatting pleasantly. I only heard the sound of her voice as I was concentrating on where we were going so I could find the way on my own later. Contemplating printing off my own map, when Alice suddenly stopped, I slammed into Edwards back and fell gracelessly backwards until my rear met the floor.

"Crap, Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked, turning.

"I'm fine, sorry. I guess I wasn't paying attention," I said flushing.

"It takes a while to get used to Alice. Unfortunately she drives like she walks. Pedestrians and Deer live nervously," he said with a grin, slinging his messenger bag around to his back and holding out his arms to me.

"I heard that, Edward," quipped Alice, crossing her arms.

"Wasn't whispering, twin," said Edward, wiggling his fingers at me.

I took a deep breath in before releasing it with a sigh and put my hands into Edwards. He curled his strong, cool fingers around mine and heaved but instead of finding my feet I was slammed into Edward's chest. He wrapped his arms around me, by reflex, to steady me.

Oh. My. God. The world stopped, leaving me caged in his arms, my fingers spread over chest. His body was hard under the softness of his cotton shirt. He was so much taller than me that staring straight ahead I had a pretty good view of his Adam's apple.

"Sorry about that. I guess I overcompensated," Edward said lowering his head. His breath tickled my ear and my tummy trembled. His fingers shifted slightly against my back, the tips moving closer together, nearly touching my spine.

I took another deep breath in, preparing to respond, when his scent hit me. He smelled like warmth and man. It was sweet, citrusy and spicy, like pumpkin pie, all together yummy and all I wanted to do was smell him again. Dazed, I pushed away weakly, nodding my head dumbly.

Retrieving my bag from the floor I quickly stumbled into the room after Alice. My brain had yet to catch up with the sensory input. I was afraid of what I might say or do if I stood next to Edward any longer.

Flustered, I looked around the room till I spotted Alice, who had already taken a seat at one of the long tables arranged in rows in the room. I sat next to her at the end of the table. Upper level lectures didn't have the same enrolment as introductory classes. The room was smaller, not a lecture hall, and had seating for about thirty students. A Smartboard was on the wall behind another table at the front of the room. Windows lined the far side of the room giving a glimpse of the outside world.

More people were starting to walk in. I looked over at the door and saw Edward standing there. He seemed perplexed, running his hands through his mop of coppery brown hair. I caught his eye and he walked over to our table. Instead of going around he slid through behind our seats and the table behind us to sit on the other side of Alice. His crotch brushed the back of my head and I shivered.

"Sorry," we both exclaimed then he chuckled while I laughed nervously.

Jeez this guy was making me unhinged. My stomach was literally trembling with nerves and my face felt hot.

Alice was saying something about the class synopsis which I completely missed as she pulled a netbook from her backpack and opened it up on the tabletop. _A netbook! I remember standing in line to use the computer labs never mind packing one into class with me!_

Between Alice and Edward and the whole first day back jitters I was starting to panic. Squeezing my knees and biting my lip I looked around at the students who had taken seats in the room. As I expected is was the attack of the beautiful people, all appropriately aged and dressed for college, laughing and talking with friends and making themselves comfortable.

A girl and a boy sat behind us, both blond and fresh faced. More seats filled. One face caught my eye. A man, my age or even older, grey streaked the temple of his brown hair. He too was observing the students as they settled into their seats in the classroom. Then he looked right at me. He had grey eyes that crinkled handsomely as he gave me a friendly grin. Then he winked.

Blushing, _(God will I never outgrow the tell-tale blush?)_, I looked away and found Edward looking at me. His brow was furrowed creating a 'v' above his nose between his heavy brows.

"What?" I mouthed silently. He pinked. At least I am not the only one guilty of such a visible marker. As he opened his mouth to speak his phone pinged. Edward pulled his cellphone from his pocket and looked at the screen and barked a short laugh.

"Really, Alice, I am sitting right beside you and you are sending me a message?"

"Just making sure that I have everything set up correctly with the school wi-fi."

"Alrighty then," he laughed pocketing his phone and pulling a brown leather-bound journal from his messenger bag. Taking his cue I rummaged in my bag, really just my oversized "mommy" purse, and pulled out a notebook I had snatched on my way out the door this morning.

"Um, Bella, is that a 'My Little Pony" notebook?" asked Alice, eyeing the book on the table as I dug around in my bag for a pen. _What?_ Oh horrors, it was.

Flushing scarlet, I'm sure, I stammered, "It would appear so. I was running late this morning getting the girls' to school. I just grabbed the first thing I found." _Shoot me now._

"Guard it with your life, Bella, Alice collects all things Pony. You should see her room at Mom and Dad's. You might want to hide anything 'Hello Kitty' as well," joked Edward.

Edward flinched, hard, as Alice elbowed him in the ribs. He stood with a growl taking his messenger bag and journal and stalked around the table.

"Move down Alice," he demanded standing to the left of me. Huffing she complied making a great show of re-arranging her stuff. Edward gestured to me to do the same and took the seat I vacated. "There, now I am safe from pointy pixie elbows," he grumped.

_Dear Lord!_ How am I expected to concentrate if he insists on sitting right beside me!

I turned my notebook over so that the cover was facing down and out of sight. More of Edward's scent wafted towards me as he settled in his seat and hung his bag on the back of his chair. Peeking at him through my eyelashes I admired his straight nose and soft cupid bow lips. His face was smooth, like he had just shaved this morning.

I crossed my arms and snuck a glance at my watch doing so. Class should be starting, we were just waiting on the prof. I peered over at the class syllabus that Alice had pulled up on her netbook, my left knee bouncing impatiently.

Suddenly, Edward placed his large warm hand firmly on my knee, stilling it. My heart stopped for half a beat then raced. I kept my eyes on the screen of Alice's netbook as the butterflies took off in my belly. His hand was still there. I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing and the sensation of heat spreading up from my knee and coiling in my belly.

With a light squeeze the warmth left my knee as the smartboard at the front of the room lit up displaying the class syllabus. The touch felt so intimate. Ridiculous, my jittery leg was probably annoying the hell out of him. It had been a really long time since I had been touched though and my knee was now feeling cold and lonely.

A polite cough came from the far side of the room. It seemed loud in the silence that descended with the activation of the smartboard.

The man I had noticed before, who had winked at me, stood and made his way to the front of the class. He handed a stack of papers to a student as he walked by, gesturing that they should be passed on.

"Good Day class, I am Professor Brian Donovan and this semester I will be your instructor for Sociology and modern communication media," he introduced. His voice was deep and had a light Irish brogue.

_Professor, huh, guess it is official, I am the oldest student here. Damn._ He really didn't look like a professor, at least not how I remembered. No jackets or slacks, he was wearing jeans and a v-neck shirt with open dark blue button-down layered over it.

I was suddenly very glad that I had not gone with option A ensemble this morning.

He pulled a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and smoothed it open as he faced the class.

"This will be the only time I take attendance. Far as I am concerned you are all adults and whether or not you put your tuition to good use is none of my concern. Take note however that a percentage of your exam questions will come solely from the lectures." With that being said he took attendance.

When he was done he re-folded the sheet and returned it to his back pocket. "I am not going to keep you long today but I would like you to take a look a round and acquaint yourself with your neighbours. Part of our lecture will include discussion generated via study group. By the end of the week I want you to form yourselves into groups of about five. There will be several topics assigned through the semester. Groups will discuss these topics on your own time and detailed discussion notes will need to be returned for a portion of your marks."

"My office hours, contact information and book lists are detailed on the hand-out and online. Are there any questions?" He briefly glanced around the room. "Good. I will stay for a few minutes if any questions come up, otherwise you are free to go and I will see you on Thursday."

Donovan turned, pulling a remote from his front pocket with which he clicked the smartboard off, he then leaned back against the front table.

Alice and I looked at each other. She shrugged closing her netbook. "Well I guess us three make a good start on our study group," she stated, putting her things back into her backpack. "How does that sound to you, Edward?" she asked.

"Sounds good," he said.

"Can we join your group?" the blond girl behind us asked. She was standing now, leaning down across the table on her elbows. The position caused her ample chest to practically pop out of her barely buttoned blouse. Edward turned around in his chair and his face flushed scarlet as her chest was thrust directly towards his face. I'm sure she chose that moment to shift by complete accident.

"Um-yeah, sure, I guess," he stammered, stumbling a bit as he stood quickly.

"Great! I'm Krystal, with a 'K' and my friend here is Ethan," she introduced gesturing with her thumb to the equally young, blond and attractive male beside her. He waved at Alice and me, his mouth forming a tight-lipped half smile.

_Yes, Krystal with a 'K' as in my parents weren't hippies naming me after a rock with purported mystical powers but were original people altering the spelling to differ their child from every other child named Crystal. She was definitely born in the nineties._

Sticking my book and pen in my bag I stood and faced Alice. She rolled her eyes and I snorted in response. I liked Alice more at that moment.

Hitching my bag over my shoulder I smiled diplomatically at the two. "Hi I'm Bella," I said.

"And I'm Alice and that is my brother Edward," Alice said, popping up from her seat beside me.

"That's great," said Krystal, keeping her gaze focused on Edward. "So, wow, Edward, would you like to grab a coffee and we can compare schedules for the study group?"

"Um. Sure. Bella, Alice does that sound good to you?"

I almost laughed at the wild-eyed panicked look he had. I would have thought that a man who looked like he did would be used to having women hit on him. His nervousness surprised me.

"I'm good to go," I replied, with a shrug. "My next class isn't for a couple hours yet."

"Perfect!" Alice bounced.

As we made our way out of the room, I looked over my shoulder at Professor Donovan, who was talking to one of the students. Catching my look he smiled and nodded at me. I smiled back before picking up my step to catch up with Alice. He wasn't an unattractive man and there is something about a man with an accent that added to any mans appeal.

Ethan kept pace on the other side of Alice, guiding our way. He was informing Alice of the local hotspots, since learning that she and Edward were new to the area and the school. Edward and his new admirer trailed behind.

Smiling, I listened to Ethan with half an ear, revelling in this feeling of belonging. I didn't realize just how much I had missed THIS. I felt lighter somehow, comfortable. Despite my initial nerves I was starting to feel easy with the company and friendship offered by Alice and Edward. Their quick acceptance and inclusion of me buoyed me up and a small part of ME clicked into place. A piece that had been misplaced for so long and had forgot to even long for it.

We reached our destination and once standing in line to order our coffee's we congregated around a table together.

"So are you guys Soc majors?" Ethan asked

"No," replied Edward, "Alice and I are both taking it for elective credit. What about you, Bella?"

"Credit as well," I replied, taking a test sip of coffee to gauge its temperature. "How about you two?"

"Oh, Ethan and I are both concentrating in Sociology," replied Krystal, making a waving motion with her hand. "We've been here for-ever."

I restrained a snort. "Enjoy it while you are here. It seems like forever but really it is just a blip in the bigger picture," I couldn't help but say. I instantly wished I had kept it to myself.

"That's what my Mom always says. She has been talking about coming back, too, and taking a few classes for kicks." Krystal responded rolling her eyes. I narrowed my eyes at her but she had moved on turning to Edward.

"So, Edward where are you from? I'm sure I would remember seeing you around campus before now," she asked. _Yeah, because you have been here for-ever._

"Alaska," answered Alice primly, same as me, now when do you guys think is a good time to meet?" she asked pulling a daytimer out of her backpack. I think Krystal annoyed her as much as she did me.

"I have a break between soc and my next class on Tuesday and Thursday, I have a night class on Wednesday and I don't come to campus on Monday or Friday," I stated.

"After class works for me, Alice," replied Edward, sipping his coffee.

"Me too," said Alice. "How about you guys"

"That works with my schedule," said Krystal as Ethan nodded his assent looking at his phone.

"Oooh, we should meet at the pub, nothing like a few beers to get the synapses firing," laughed Alice bouncing in her seat.

Krystal looked crestfallen. "Um, I don't have ID," she said lowly, "but if we jump on it we should be able to book one of the library study rooms," she suggested.

"That sounds great," replied Alice. "Okay well lets exchange contact information and Krystal you organize the space and let us know where we are going next class." Alice was definitely an organizer.

We all passed around our phones, programming in phone numbers and email addresses. Soon after Krystal and Ethan excused themselves to head off to another class, leaving the three of us sipping our coffee in silence.

"So Edward, I think you may have an admirer," I teased, breaking the quiet.

His ears pinked. "Yeah, well she is a little young for me," he responded fiddling with the lid on his paper cup.

"Anyways, Bella," the rich tenor of his voice saying my name made my tummy flip-flop deliciously, "what drew you to this particular class?"

"Other than for 'kicks'," said Alice air quoting. _Wow, that girl really did rub Alice the wrong way_.

"Well, yes, other than shits and giggles and the need for elective credit I thought the course looked really interesting. I'm curious to see what the discussion topics will be," I answered, taking another sip of my coffee only to realize that my cup was empty.

Seeing me eyeing my empty cup Alice jumped up offering to get us more. When she asked how I doctored mine I told her 'blonde and sweet', she laughed. "The same as Edward then, at least for coffee!" and she was off.

Edward leaned his head back tilting his cup up to drain it. I gazed at the long expanse of his neck following it down from his strong sharp jaw to the collar of his shirt where a few hairs glinted in the natural light from a nearby window. His shirt stretched across his well formed chest and the sleeves gripped his biceps tightly.

I swallowed thickly, my throat dry. Beautiful and pretty probably are not the most masculine terms to use but he was both. Edward looked like a work of art. He was all long lines and lean muscle. Like a sculpture. Yet he radiated energy. He was sexy as hell.

I wondered what he did to create that form. Was it genetics, swimming, sports? Did he work out? An image of him sweaty sent a quiver through me and I gripped my hands together between my thighs lest he see them shaking. I have altogether barely spent an hour in this mans presence and he was unravelling me in a way that I have never experienced before. The sensation was as exciting as it was disquieting.

He leaned towards me. Somehow while lost in my internal perusal of his physique I had shifted closer to him. He had some kind of draw for me. I needed to be near him. It was a confusing feeling and it made me ache, nervous and slightly guilty. Coveting him is becoming my shameful pleasure.

"So what other classes are you taking?" he asked

"Just a couple of Lit classes. I'm not doing a full load but between this semester and next I should have all the credit I need for my degree," I shrugged, leaning with my elbows on the table.

"Oh? That is pretty quick, where were you before?" he asked as Alice returned to the table, balancing two stacked cups with one hand and handing me the one in her other hand.

"Thanks Alice," I said with a smile. "Well, I completed my degree in Psychology down at Jacksonville University and I had a minor in English. So, I am here taking the last credits I need for full equivalency for an English degree."

"If you already have a degree why are you back? Why English? Why aren't you working in your field?" Alice asked, tapping her finger against her chin. She tilted her head, gazing at me with her clear blue eyes as I felt my cheeks grow hot.

"Uh, well," I stammered, "I loved studying Psychology but the summer before my senior year I got a summer job at a publishing company which led to an internship after I graduated." I closed my eyes trying to block out memories of James and all that came after him. "Psychology interested me in a cerebral way while my experience at the publishing house focused my interests in a practical way. I want to get back into it, maybe editing or even writing."

I had to take a long draw on my coffee to soothe my dry throat and the warmth from it released the tight knot of anxiety that had built up in my chest. I didn't want to answer these questions. I didn't want to have to explain my failures to these beautiful vibrant people. I didn't want to explain my wasted years.

Sometimes life is what happens while you are making other plans. One day you wake up and ten years have gone by and you realize that you haven't reached the goals you thought you had all the time in the world to get to.

"So, how about you two? What are your school plans?" I asked, deflecting the attention away from me.

We continued to sip our coffees as Alice and Edward explained how they started out going to school in Alaska and then spent two years in Italy and travelling around Europe. How they too found their interests and focus changing with their life experiences.

They told me how they came to be in Washington, laughing about how their family had separated yet somehow they had all ended back together in the little rainy town of Forks. For them the serendipity was so positive, so opposite to my feelings of returning 'home' over and over again over the years. I suppose you have a different take on things when you are younger and have the world wide open for you.

I shook my head at myself internally for harbouring such negative emo thoughts, like some teenager railing against the unfairness of life, rather than a grown woman dealing with the realities of it. My world is as wide open as I am willing to make it. I keep just limiting myself.

Before long we had finished our coffees and we were saying our goodbyes. I had my next class to head to and then I wanted to get to the bookstore before the drive home.

I watched Edward and Alice walk away before turning to head off myself. I grinned, happy that the two of them, unknowingly, eased my transition back into this world.

oooOOOOooo

It was already dark by the time I walked through my front door. Sophie was sitting on the couch with Faith and Grace watching cartoons on the television.

"Hey, I'm home," I announced, as I toed off my shoes onto the mat by the door. As I walked into the living room, I dropped my bag onto the easy chair and Grace leapt into my arms. "Mommy!" she yelled. "You're home!"

"Yes, yes I am baby. Did you two have a good day at school today?" I said grinning down at the face of my youngest. Faith was still on the couch, apparently too old for exuberant greetings. "Hey Mom," was all she said her eyes glued to the television.

Sophie pulled herself off the couch as I released Grace, stroking her dark hair. "I had a lot of fun today Mommy. I played outside with my new friends and I painted and we sang songs. Do you want to hear them?" Grace spouted spinning away from me exuberantly.

Grinning at her I shook my head slightly, "I would love to sweetheart but maybe after dinner okay?"

"Oh, I already made dinner, Auntie Bella," said Sophie putting school books from the coffee table into a backpack. "You made them dinner?" I asked looking at the time on the DVD player, seeing that it was indeed getting late. I loved the fact that our families were so close that she called me Auntie. I did, after all, change her diapers once upon a time.

"Yeah, I made macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. I hope that was all right?" she asked her face scrunching up adorably with worry.

I stepped over and gave her a gentle one arm hug. "That sounds perfect. Thank you so much for doing that Sophie," I said, pressing me cheek to the top of her head. "I am just sorry that I ran so late. I should have phoned you. The lines in the bookstore were crazy."

"That's okay. We had a blast and I was even able to get my homework done," Sophie said with a grin. She pulled on her coat and slipped into her running shoes that had the laces undone and just tucked into the shoes themselves. "Oh, Mom wanted me to ask you if she could come over later?"

With a smile I opened the door for her. "You can tell her she is more than welcome, just give me an hour to get the girls ready for bed. Thank you for watching them Sophie."

"No problem. See you on Thursday," she responded brightly and skipped out the door. I waited until she had crossed the street and entered the front door of her home before closing the door to mine.

Sitting down on the couch I pulled Faith to me, hugging her small body and kissed the top of her head. "Everything okay, Baby?" I ask her. Faith is naturally more reticent that her sister but tonight she seemed off.

She let out a soft sigh. "Mom, are we weird?" she asked.

"Weird? What do you mean?"

"Well one of the boys at school today said that it's weird that Daddy has his house and we have this house. Is that weird?"

My heart clenched and I squeezed Faith closer to me, stroking her head. When Jake and I had sat down with or two babies all those months ago and explained to them everything that was going to happen from separation to the planned move they had reacted so well. A testament to Jake and I and our ability to compromise and make a plan that would work well for all of us. However, what we have no control over is the actions and words of others. Guilt washed over me. I should have been more prepared for this. I should have prepared my children more for this.

"No Sweetheart. You are not weird. You have a Daddy who loves you and is ready to spend all his time with you whenever he is home. Mommy loves you, and Grandpa and Grandma Sue, and Uncle Seth and Auntie Leah. We have so much love in our lives. It doesn't matter who lives where. What matters is that we care about each other and take care of each other. Nothing weird about that. All right?"

"I love you sweetheart," I said kissing the top of her head. "All right now. Have you done your spelling practice?"

Faith showed me her homework while the tub was running. Then Grace regaled me with a rendition of 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' while I washed her hair. No sooner had I tucked the two into their beds that there was a soft knock at the door and Angela's voice calling out a quiet hello.

"I will be right down," I called to her. I gave Grace one last kiss and turned off her lamp and went downstairs.

Angela was in the kitchen opening a bottle of wine to fill the two glasses she had already pulled from the cupboard. "So how was your first day of school?" she asked with a smirk.

I let out a big breath and taking my full glass and the bottle I led Angela to the living room. I sat down on one end of the couch, curling my legs up under me as Angela made herself comfortable on the opposite end.

"It was good. Stressful, but good. I'm glad I'm doing it," I said, running my finger over the rim of my glass.

Angela cocked her eyebrow. "Well, that all sound very…_good_."

"It was just odd, you know? It seemed familiar but different too. Everyone seemed so young. But it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." I took a large swig of my wine. "Edward and Alice Cullen are in my Soc class," I said with feigned nonchalance running my finger over the rim of my glass again. "It was nice to already know some people."

"Edward and Alice Cullen? As in the Doctor's kids?" Angela asked.

"Yeah, I met them at the Diner when I went for lunch with Jasper. They seem nice."

"_Nice_ and _good_. Well Bella, you are about as forthcoming as my kids are when I ask them how school is going," Angela said rolling her eyes at me.

I laughed, and then drained my glass before reaching to refill it from the bottle on the coffee table. Angela sipped her wine then narrowed her eyes.

"So is he as hot as they are saying he is?" she asked, smirking.

"Um-what?" I stuttered, and then composed myself, cocking my eyebrow at her. "Um, who hot? And who is everyone anyways?"

"Yeah, nice cover Bella. Edward, is Edward as hot as the kids say he is?"

"The kids? Holy Hell Angela why would the kids be going on about Edward?" I asked shocked, almost tipping my wine on myself.

"Sophie came home the other day telling me how some of the high school kids saw him at the Diner. I guess he has all the girls in a tizzy. It is like some movie star has descended on our little town," she chuckled into her wine glass. "So spill, is he hot?"

_Hell Yes!_

"Mm, well, yeah, I suppose he is rather good looking." Angela's eyes bore into me and her smirk widened as my cheeks heated up. "Okay, okay! He his flippin' gorgeous," I admitted, flustered and blushing. I felt like a teenager being grilled by a parent over my new crush at school.

"And you say you have a class with him?"

"Yes, and I am in a discussion group with him and Alice"

"Hmm. So thinking maybe he might be worth a little "something something' of your time?" Angela asked archedly as she poured herself more wine.

"Good Lord Angela, where are coming up with stuff tonight?"

Angela looked at me seriously. "Bella, talking about this guy has you totally flustered. It is obvious you are having, well, thoughts about him. Why not act on it. See what happens. Date. Have fun."

_Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?_ Angela was the last person I ever would have expected to suggest to me to just get out there and 'fool around'. She and Ben had been together forever. Soul Mates. I have also never known Angela to be so forward with her opinions.

What about Edward? What was with the touching? The looks? Could he be attracted to me? Lord knows I find him attractive.

"Seriously Angela, it doesn't matter what I think of him. He is about as attainable as one of those heartthrobs in Sophie's Teen Bop magazines."

"Teen Bop? Okay I don't think they print that anymore honey."

"You know what I mean. He is young, smart, gorgeous and incredibly sexy…why would he even give a thought that way towards me? I mean look at me!" I flapped my hand up and down in front of me. "The entire thought of making a 'play' of any sort is ridiculous and bound for failure. Honestly I don't want to turn in to one of those cougars humiliating herself…," I stopped my rant by putting my hand over my mouth shaking my head dejectedly.

"I'm sorry Angela. It has been a long day. Besides I just met him. I don't even know him."

Angela nodded her head then furrowed her brow, her mouth forming a hard line. After a pause she drew in a deep breath before speaking. "Bella honey, I know that at this point in our lives it is easy to look in the mirror and see everything we are not anymore but you have to realize that everyone else just sees what we are."

I let her words seep in, not quite ready to really analyze them and the pricks of anxiety they caused. We were quiet for a bit until Angela loudly cleared her throat.

"So, sexy, hmm? Did you get a good look at his hands? Seriously, Bella, hands are important. The things Ben can do with his fingers…," Angela said flippantly. We both burst into laughter, me begging her to stop the overshare, the mood elevated.

Lightened, I shared the rest of the tidbits of my day from Krystal with a 'K', to Alice and her buoyant personality, my Prof's sexy accent and perhaps a few descriptions of the more beguiling features of Edward Cullen.

The two of us finished the wine giggling like we were teenagers again hiding in my room with a forbidden copy of Cosmopolitan.

Oddly enough, the last thought to cross my mind that night as my head hit my pillow was a desire to bake pumpkin pie.

**a/n: No offense intended to all Krystals with a 'K' – you are all lovely people. Reviews mean the world to me, please let me know what you think.**


	5. Facebook

Life is What Happens

**a/n: Sadly I do not use a Beta thus all the errors are mine and mine alone. I send thanks to my pre-readers, my wonderful reviewers and to the supportive people at The Fan Fiction Addiction. I will be repairing the earlier chapters for errors and typos shortly.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight but the rest of this story is mine. **

Chapter Five: Facebook

EPOV

Bang, bang, bang! I battered the bathroom door. "Come on, Alice! I have to take a leak, hurry the fuck up!" Once again my sister had beat me to the single bathroom in our small two bedroom apartment in Olympia. When I heard the water running again I just about lost it.

Dammit! I decided then to just get to class and use the facilities on campus. "Crap, Alice, I'm going. I have to get to class!" I yelled with one last bang on the door. "Oh and stop throwing your shit in the wash with mine. I'm not folding your fucking panties."

I slammed the door and stomped down the stairs to the curb. I beeped open the locks on my car and threw my shit onto the passenger seat. There was no way I was walking to campus today, even though its close enough, I had to piss too badly.

By the time I parked my car and made it to the restroom I thought my bladder was going to burst. I cursed Alice silently in English and Italian and made a mental note to set my alarm so that I didn't have this same issue again. I could threaten to just piss in the kitchen sink but Alice would recognize the hollowness of that threat. The kitchen was my domain and – well- that is just disgusting.

Alice and I haven't had to share a bathroom like this in years. If I didn't get my shit together and get there before her in the mornings my days are destined to start like shit everyday. It was more than just a need to use the facilities. My morning shower just, ah, starts the day off with me in the right mood. Taking care of my morning wood in my room is messy and making me cranky, to say the least.

I fortunately wasn't late getting to my class but was one of the last to arrive before the Prof shut the door to the hall. Annoyed I took one of the remaining seats in the back and quickly retrieved my notebook and pen from my bag.

When class ended I headed straight to my car vowing to never trust my twin to register me for my courses ever again. I wonder what I had done to piss her off so badly that she would schedule me in for one morning class and then a night class on the same day. _Ah, yes, the English elective._ I suppose I should be grateful that I wasn't stuck with the Women's Studies class. Not that I am a dick or anything but the thought was still more than a little intimidating. The writing class, while not my first choice, worked well for me. I was even looking forward to it.

Not sure what to do with the rest of my day, as it was too early in the semester for the library to be calling to me, I decided to go pick up some groceries before heading back to the apartment.

I wandered up and down the aisles of the grocery store, adding items as they grabbed my attention, organizing meals on the fly. As I rounded the corner into the cereal aisle I had to stop short of running into another shopper. My heart picked up at the sight of long brown hair.

Bella.

I grinned and reached out to tap her on the shoulder. "Hey there," I greeted.

But when she turned I realized my mistake. This girl wasn't Bella. Her hair was brown and perfectly straight while Bella's was longer and wavy - natural. The eyes of the girl looked up at me in confusion, they were blue, rather than the warm brown and caramel of Bella's. Her face was girlish and heavily made up, missing Bella's confident maturity and naked, smooth pale complexion.

The stranger smiled coyly, "Hi, yourself."

"Um," I stammered, disappointed and definitely not wanting a supermarket pick-up, "sorry, I thought you were somebody else." I quickly moved passed her and hurried away. Shaking my head at myself I acquired the last of the items we needed. I was surprised by my own lack of interest in the cereal aisle girl.

At the till, a girl with dyed, jet-black hair, blood-red lips and a nose ring rang my items through. Her hair was pulled up in two pig-tails, one on either side of her head. The look reminded me vaguely of the forensic scientist on that navy cop show on TV.

As she worked she smiled and fluttered her eyelashes, trying to make small talk. I answered her questions and responded to her remarks in such a clipped tone that inwardly I cringed at my own rudeness. Suddenly, the insight hit, I was simply sick and tired of girls throwing themselves at me.

Okay, I know that sounds wrong or even arrogant and it certainly is not like I hadn't enjoyed it in the past. Somewhere in the last year, something inside me changed. I was tired of just being the pretty face and random hook-up. While, yes, my hand is a poor substitute to the real thing it did not come with the complications of tears, farewells and false promises of tomorrow.

I learned some hard lessons in Italy.

Alice was still at campus when I got home with the groceries. I made quick work of putting them away and eye-balling the time. I decided it was too early to start dinner. Alice burned water so in co-habituating, she did the cleaning, I did the cooking and we were each responsible for our own laundry and bedrooms. Not that that stops Alice from trying to sneak in what she referred to as 'too few for a load' into the washing machine with my stuff. I loved lacy panties but touching the one's that belong to your sister has a certain air of wrongness about it.

My phone chirped indicating a text message. I pulled it from my pocket. It was from my brother Emmett.

_**Check your Facebook**_

Another chirp.

_**I want details**_

Yet another chirp.

_**I bet Mom doesn't**_

The last followed with a smiley face.

_What the fuck?_ I quickly left the kitchen for my bedroom. I opened up my laptop that sat on my small desk in the corner. I drummed my fingers impatiently on the desk surface, not bothering to sit, waiting for the system to boot up. I logged into my account and my jaw dropped when my Facebook page opened up. No shitting way.

There were naked pictures. Five naked pictures to be exact. _Was that my cock?_ Holy. Fucking. Crap.

There it was. Five photos, some that looked to have been taken by a cellphone, given the grainy texture and bad lighting. The photos go from bad to worse. The first is a set of naked ass tits held up and together by a hand with purple nailpolish on the fingertips. The second was the face of some girl, who looked familiar, with dark hair. Her face was lying on a pillow next to mine. I looked to be sleeping, or passed out, which was more likely. I quickly scrolled down, passing a picture of my semi-limp dick held in the same purple tipped hand that was with the tit shot. I assume the hand belongs to the dark-haired face. Now that was just plain wrong.

The next two photos were of higher quality and both portrayed the girl from the other photo in rather erotic semi-naked poses with another dark-haired girl. My dick twitched at the comment that accompanied the last two photos. Apparently, Nina, the sender of the shots was hoping I could join her and her new friend next week in Italy for some good times.

_I don't fucking think so. One, I am not in Italy anymore and two, I am not particularly interested in making anymore unconscious, unauthorized porn, thank-you-very-fuck-you-much._

Of course, my dick thought it would be a great idea and I found myself sitting down and gazing over the pictures trying to remember the night they were taken. I shifted in my seat, trying to ease the tightness of my jeans, when my train of thought was abruptly cut off by a shrill shriek behind me.

Alice was shaking her head her hands over her eyes. "Oh my god, Edward, please, please tell me that was not a picture of your cock!" she shrieked again.

"Erm, well, yeah, yeah it is," I answered while I slammed my laptop shut. I was kind of creeped out that upon seeing a random cock photo she would immediately think of mine.

"That's what I thought as soon as I saw the face of that skank, Nina," Alice shouted. Shit, how long had she been standing there? I had been about five seconds away from palming myself. Alice needed bells.

Adroitly, I tried to change the subject, "How long have you been home, Alice?" I asked. _How long have you been standing there looking over my shoulder?_

"Long enough to need brain bleach, Edward! Seriously, you let her take pictures of you? What the hell? Now they are on Facebook?"

Now the memories of Nina came flooding back. Alice hated her more than any of the other random hook ups whose company I enjoyed over our time in Italy. Not that she liked any of them very much. Fortunately, I settled that shit down before she started disliking me just as much. Unfortunately, some of my actions still caused a wedge in our otherwise easy sibling relationship.

'For your information I did not let her take those pictures. I wasn't even conscious when she did. And there are coming off Facebook as soon as you get the hell out of my room."

Alice paled, "You weren't awake? God, Edward that is sooo wrong. What a fucking twatwaffle!" Alice rubbed her hand across my back. "I'm sorry she did that to you and I'm sorry she had the nerve and lack of common sense to post those pictures. Get rid of her Edward and while you are at it get rid of all the others, too. We are home now and your friends list does you no favours. I am running out of ways to answers Mom's questions without making you look like you are either gay or a manwhore." With that she slapped the back of my head and walked out of my room.

As she left she mumbled something that sounded like 'douche' followed by muttering about needing a fork to gouge out her eyes.

I opened my laptop back up, rubbing my hands through my forever dishevelled hair, exhaling loudly. I quickly answered my phone as it began to ring, silently thanking God that it was Emmett's ringtone and not the one I had assigned to my Mother.

Emmett started talking as soon I completed my muttered, 'What?"

"Have to say I am disappointed little brother. I mean, I know Alice is officially the runt of the litter but I didn't realize how far from the genetics tree you had fallen," he broke off practically giggling.

I rolled my eyes as I moved my arrow over to each photo deleting them. "Emmett, what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked crossly. This day was not going well at all.

"All I can say is I know what I'm packing and, well, I have to say I am now concerned that I am adopted."

The light dawned. "Emmett, you asswipe, I don't want to know how long you looked at my dick but I was skunked and passed out. I'm not even at half-mast in that photo!" I was actually rather proud of the fact that even when not aroused I was more than a handful. I considered saving that shot to my hard drive as a sort of trophy photo but then deleted it giving myself a mental smack to the back of the head. "Thanks for the heads up, though, I have them deleted now," I told him. Hopefully not too many others had seen them first.

"What, already! Aw man, I wanted to save those pics of the chicks, you know, for my 'special folder'," he whined over the phone. Exasperated, I hung up on him and dropped my phone to the desk. We had a special bond, Emmett and I, and he did well by me, notifying me so quickly about the photos. Though it did make me wonder about what he did all day.

I clicked over to and then scrolled through my friends list and cringed. Yeah it was bad. Steeling my resolve I started with Nina and clicked on 'unfriend'.

It took a while to get through my list but eventually I had my friends list down to the members of my family and those close friends I really wanted to keep in contact with from school and travels. When that was done I took a few more minutes to update my current residence and school information.

I leaned back in my chair and stretched my arms up over my head pulling the stiffness out of my back muscles.

Then a thought occurred to me. I wonder if Bella is on Facebook? I quickly typed Bella Swan into the search box and hit enter.

That fluttering feeling crept through my belly again as her face appeared in the search results. I clicked on it to pull up her profile page. The photo was of her sitting on a log on a pebbled beach somewhere with two little girls sitting on either side of her with her arms around them. All three were grinning and their dark locks were windblown. She looked beautiful and joyous.

I was disappointed that her profile was hidden from me. My finger reached out to touch her face on the screen by its own volition and the nerves in my belly jolted in a sharp spasm. What the hell was going on with me?

Girls seldom made me nervous. Usually I was accused of being cocky, but for some reason Bella had me feeling like an inexperienced teenager. There was something about her that just drew me in. I wished I could read her mind. I wanted to know her. I wanted to bask in her company.

Emmett would say I was growing a vagina. Whatever, Rose had him totally whipped and he loved every minute of it. I locked my mental Emmett voice in a closet and sent Bella a friend request.

The rest of the afternoon and the evening dragged. I made Alice and I dinner which we ate in awkward silence. Alice gave me funny looks ever now and then and otherwise tried to avoid meeting my eye.

Can't say I blame her. Seeing a picture of your brother's cock is probably more traumatizing than folding your sister's panties. I mean, Alice and I are close and comfortable with each other but not that close and comfortable, if you know what I mean. Boundaries need to be maintained.

She seemed relieved when I went and sat on the couch and turned on the TV, leaving her to do the washing up. I decided to shrug it off. By morning we should be back to normal. I checked my phone a few times to see if Bella had yet excepted my friend request only to find a message from Emmett containing links to penis enhancement websites. _Jack Ass._

Feeling at loose ends I decided to get my crap together and head out early to class, walking to campus this time.

I was about twenty minutes early getting to class. I didn't want to be stuck in the back of the room again. I preferred sitting near the front. Not that I was a keener or anything but the back of the class made me feel claustrophobic, like I can't breathe. That and I hate looking at the back of everyone's heads. Since people are creatures of habit I knew that if I staked a good seat today it should be the seat I would have for the rest of the semester. This also means that I am probably stuck in the back for the rest of the semester in my morning class. Fuck me. _Awesome way to start the day._

With those thoughts I walked into the classroom expecting it to be empty. It wasn't. Bella was there. My face practically split in half with the grin that spread across it and before I could modify Bella smiled back. My heart made a stutter causing me to stumble slightly as I walked towards her. She was sitting one row back a few seats in on the door side. Exactly the spot I would have chosen. Not right at the front and with easy access to the exit. I sat down in the seat beside her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," she said in return.

I chuckled inwardly at the wordsmiths the two of were, considering we were sitting waiting for a creative writing class to start.

"Well this is a pleasant surprise," I said softly and still smiling. I leaned in towards her resting my head on my left hand, my elbow on the table. Her scent washed over me as she turned her body to face me. It hit me as hard if not harder than it did the day before when I had caught her in my arms. She smelled sweet, like honey, and something heavy and feminine. Her scent layered on my tongue enticingly.

"Yes, it is," she said breathlessly, her eyes seemed slightly glassy for a second before focusing on my face. She smiled shyly, holding my eyes and blushing gently.

Memories of yesterday assaulted me with force. The feel of her soft, full breasts pressed against my chest and my hands pressing into her back pulling her into me. Her scent calling me to lean down, run my nose along her neck and her collar bones, to follow it to its source. She was so warm and soft in my arms and she blushed then too, the same pink colour that she was blushing now.

_And now I am hard_.

I shifted in my seat, hopefully hiding my erection from her view under the table.

Something in Bella's bag started buzzing, ending with a ping, she quickly reached in and pulled out her phone. She looked at the screen bit her lip and laughed. I suddenly was annoyed. She typed something and then set her phone down. It immediately buzzed and pinged again. She looked at it and typed again shaking her head. "Jasper," she said in a breathy, playful voice.

_What the fuck?_ Is she sitting here texting with her boyfriend? I had forgotten about Jasper. Fuck.

"Jasper?" I asked quietly.

She grinned, holding the phone and fiddling with its controls, "Yeah, he asked me to look for a particular journal for him in the library and photocopy some articles. He's seeking confirmation that I found it and got the right one. Generally being a pain." She chuckled, still looking at her phone.

Because I am a masochist, I asked, "So how long have you two been dating?"

"Huh, what? Oh, Jasper and I aren't dating," she replied absently. "Hey Edward, did you send me a friend request on Facebook?"

"Yeah," I said, amazed that my voice was so even considering how hard my heart started beating in elation at the knowledge that her and Jasper weren't a couple. Though the second of joy lurched to a halt with the follow up realization that it did not mean she was available.

I bit back the follow up question deciding instead to wait until I had a chance to stalk her profile on Facebook.

Instead I asked, "Bella, if you are going to school here why are you living in Forks? Why didn't you move here to Olympia?" I was honestly curious, and slightly concerned. I didn't like the thought of her driving back and forth such a distance so often, especially with winter approaching.

"Its complicated," she sighed. She put her phone away and turned her body towards me, mirroring my position with head on hand except her left elbow rested on the back of her seat. The toes of our shoes bumped and stayed in place, touching.

"I think I can keep up," I said giving her my best cocky ass smirk.

Bella rolled her eyes at me and followed with a smile. She let out a long huff before she proceeded to speak.

"Well, Jake, my ex, wanted to go back to La Push. His Dad passed away last year and Jake kept the house. Jake's girlfriend, Leah, is also from La Push. So they have moved in together in his house there."

She paused for a second, glancing at my face then looking away. She pulled on her earlobe as her face turned serious. Seeing her fingers touch herself was distracting but I reigned myself in. I had asked the question and I wanted to hear the answer.

"I couldn't afford our house in Tacoma on my own so we sold it when we divided our assets. Housing in Forks is more affordable than Olympia. The girls are nearby to see Jake when ever he is home. It just made sense at the time. I mean all our family is there. For the kids it is what works best right now and eases the transition for everyone."

She tucked her hair behind her ears looking towards me again. "I imagine it is much the same with you, making decisions based on your family. I imagine that is why you and Alice chose to return here, right? You could go to school anywhere you want, neither of you have ties, yet you went where your family is."

"Yeah,' I said "I guess we did. Is that weird?" There was something about what she said that was tickling the back of my brain but I couldn't quite place it.

"Weird?" Bella sighed. "I have been getting that question a lot lately. No it is not weird I think it is wonderful how close your family is."Bella kind of trailed off then, distracted by the growing number of people taking seats in the small classroom.

Unlike our Soc class, this room was filling with a wide variety of people, outside of the normal compliment of the average college student. I noticed one table in particular of well-dressed older adults talking quietly to each other.

"Audits," I said, tilting my head towards them.

"Oh, why would you say that?" Bella asked, her eyes narrowed and her voice was low.

"Because Alice said she got me the last seat in this class as they reserve a good portion of it as non-credit seats, or audits. I guess a lot of people want this writing class because the Prof won some award or something and they just didn't look like students to me."

Her eyes narrowed and I felt that I was hitting quicksand. "And why do they not look like students to you? Is it because of their age?" she asked, clearly annoyed. Yep, definitely quicksand and I was sinking fast.

If there was two things that I have been taught about women they are: one, never look in their purse and two, never bring up anything about their age in conversation.

I was saved from a response by the sudden arrival of our Instructor who announced himself by slamming the door dramatically, causing all of us to jump in our seats.

Our Instructor was a short, square, heavy set man with a roundish head, short cropped white hair and heavy black eyeglasses. He was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt and a ratty green sweater with leaver elbow patches. He screamed pompous artist and his demeanour towards the class seconded my first impression.

He briskly introduced himself as Professor Olofson as he handed out sheets of lined loose leaf paper. He greeted the class being sure to be especially welcoming to the aspiring writers who were taking the time to audit this session. I restrained myself from looking over at Bella when he said that and felt smugly vindicated.

"Before I can teach any of you I need to know the level you are at and what knowledge you have, or do not have, of the basics of writing and grammar. Today I want you to write me a 500 word first-person narrative of 'what you did last summer'," Olofson announced, in a deep gravely voice. He smiled smarmily, as if proud of his humour in referencing a common back-to-school activity. "You may write in general, about a particular event or even just an observation, you decide," he continued.

"When you are complete, and after ensuring that your writing is legible, you may give your papers to Ashley here and go. I will see you all next week and give my syllabus then after completing my assessment of your talents or lack thereof." With that said he walked out of the room, leaving behind a thin, timid looking girl, whom I assumed was Ashley, his TA.

Taking out our pens both Bella and I straightened out in our seats to tackle the task at hand. I watched peripherally, Bella tap the top of her pen against her lips, gazing off into nothing. My mind was instantly engulfed in visions of her mouth and other high school activities, in particular, the kind of activities that could take place in the back of my car.

Clearing my head and shifting in my seat, as my pants were, again, uncomfortably tight, I started to work.

I put my pen to the paper and began to write. I chose to write about taking Alice to the Louvre while we were in Paris. I appreciated the works of art but not to the same degree as my sister who was fascinated not just with the pieces themselves but with the history of the artist and the type and style of painting from each period. When she would start describing what medium was used or how the paints were made at the 1500's hundreds my mind would fog over and I would detach myself from her rambling monologues.

What I found most enthralling was looking at the people as they looked at the masterpieces, whether well known or other. Their faces showed such a variety of emotion and intensity. Even the grouping of the observers mirrored the art as people arranged themselves creating scenes of such wondrous intensity. In a funny way the electricity that flowed through these groups as they stood enthralled was like the beginning of a rock concert, just without the music, the bands and the booze.

All of this I attempted to describe in words on the two sheets of loose leaf paper.

When I was completed I leaned back in my chair and stretched out my arms and legs. Bella was still writing, grappling with her pen as if wielding a weapon, her writing alternating between pauses and hasty scrawls. Waiting for her was a no brainer and I made myself more comfortable.

Settling my arms behind my head I shifted my legs and felt my right knee come in contact with Bella's left. I sensed her stiffen but when I didn't move she relaxed and I thought I saw a hint of a smile from the slight view I had of the side of her face. I want to reach over and pull back her hair so I could see more of her.

Getting impatient I sat forward again but maintained the contact between her knee and mine. My gaze alternated between Bella's face and her paper. Her eyes flicked over and met mine and she pulled her brows together slightly giving me the classic 'what-are-you-doing' questioning look.

I shrugged and Bella went back to writing. I could feel the warmth radiating from her and I stopped myself from leaning into her, again, wanting to follow the trail of her delectable perfume.

She tucked her hair behind her ear which gave me an unobstructed view of her long throat. Her skin was so pale it was almost translucent, her dainty blue veins showing and her pulse apparent.

Caught up with the slight rhythmic throb of her heart beat at the base of her throat I didn't notice the pink blush spreading across Bella's cheeks until she shifted in her chair. I was making her uncomfortable. Perversely, I smiled, pleased to cause this reaction. _I know that makes me an ass but I don't care._

Bella put down her pen, her work complete and met both my eyes and my smile with a glare. I grinned. Holding my eyes she smiled and then raised one dainty eyebrow. We were in a stare-off and I knew I was going to lose the moment my heart-rate increased and the heat flooded my cheeks. _Shit, who is this woman?_

I broke away first, flustered. "So are you done?" I asked gruffly, pointing at her papers.

"Yeah," Bella responded.

"Walk you out?" I asked.

"That would be nice," she answered.

We stood and made our way to the TA handing her our papers. I debated taking Bella's bag for her but since it really just looked like a giant purse I dismissed that notion, slightly disappointed to not have that particular chivalrous act to employ.

As we headed outside I put my hand on the small of her back. Bella again gave me a look but she did not pull away so I left it there as we made our way to the parking lot. It felt good to touch her – natural.

Bella asked me questions about the apartment Alice and I were sharing and I am sure I answered her but I was so absorbed in the feeling of her muscles flexing against my palm that I don't know what I said. Too quickly we arrived at her vehicle.

"Well, here I am. Thanks for walking me, Edward," Bella said as she rummaged in her bag for her keys.

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't walk alone to your car at night," I responded rubbing my head with one hand before sticking both in my pockets. I wasn't ready for her to leave. "Do you want to come over for a cup of coffee?" I asked. Then I amended, _because I'm a chickenshit_, "I'm sure Alice would love to see you."

"Oh," she paused from opening her door, "I would love to but this is the first night my Dad has watched the kids by himself. I really should take advantage of the early night to make sure everything went okay and the house is still standing," she said wryly. She did look disappointed so I covered mine with a smile.

"Well, okay," I said. "Have a good night Bella and drive safe."

"You too, Edward," she called to my retreating form, "See you tomorrow!"

I waved at her over my shoulder. I listened as she started up her van and drove away, watching as she pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Walking home I thought about Bella. The draw I felt towards her was strong. She was beautiful and interesting. She was sexy and complex. I wanted to know her and get to know her. She was puzzling, so much a women and then at the same time so much a girl. The dichotomy turned me on and intrigued me.

I wasn't entirely sure how to go about pursuing a woman, especially a woman like Bella. Suddenly my experiences seemed limited. I had a steady girl through high school and into college. Then I had the colossal fuck up. In Italy, women were plentiful and willing. Not that I slept with every female that came my way but I did more than my fair share of messy around. Little effort was required on my part and certainly nothing in the form of reality or sincerity was exchanged.

The fact that Bella is older than me is not a deterrent it was simply part of who she is. I have been with women both younger and older than me, maybe even older than Bella. None of them held an iota of the attraction I felt towards Bella.

My main obstacle was Bella herself. I was pretty sure that she found me attractive, if I was reading her physical signs right, but I was accustomed to women finding me attractive. I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted. The question is, what does she want?

**a/n: Have you ever had your own "Holy Crap" moment on Facebook?**

**Check out: "Twilight Online Dating" by Butterflybetty - **

**http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6620524/1/Twilight_Online_Dating**

"**Tales of the Parking Impaired" by hln3twimom and eiababy702**

**http:/www**** (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6137076/1/Tales_Of_The_bParking_b_bImpaired_b**

18


	6. A Woman's Life

Life is What Happens

**a/n: I am really, really sorry for the huge FAIL on my part to get this chapter out in a timely manner. I won't give any excuses just a promise that Chapter 7 is right around the corner 'kay?**

**Thanks, as usual, to my sis, hub and my TowGirls for pre-reading. Huggle snuggles to everyone who takes the time to read, review and add my fic to their alerts and fav's. It truly makes my day every single time.**

**Disclaimer: I do own Twilight or Stephanie's characters but the rest of this story is mine.**

Chapter Six: A Woman's Life

BPOV

As I entered my home I quickly toed off my shoes and walked to the living room. "Hey Dad," I greeted Charlie who was sitting in the easy chair holding the TV remote in his hand. Charlie glanced at me quickly before his eyes returned to the LCD, "Oh, hey Bells. You're home early."

"Yeah, well, first class and all. We were let out early," I said as my eyes took in the dishevelled state of my home. Homework, colouring books and crayons littered the surface of the coffee table. Moving towards the kitchen I could see dirty dishes and the remains of dinner still on the table.

"So, um, where are the girls. Were they good?" I called out to Charlie as I placed my bag down on the kitchen counter. "Oh, yeah, they have been playing quietly upstairs for a while now" He answered. Warning bells rang off in my head and I quickly put down the dinner dishes I had started to collect together. Quiet and two small children was never a good combination.

It didn't take long for me to establish that, no, my daughters were not playing in their rooms. They were, in fact, playing in mine.

Faith and Grace were playing dress-up but not with the tickle trunk I had so carefully put together for them. Oh no, the two had decided that Mommy's closet was to be dress-up central. Not one article of clothing remained on a hanger from my closet and even my drawers had been ransacked.

As soon as I noticed their make-up smeared faces I realized that they had made use of the contents of my bathroom too. I pressed my fingers tight to my temples and drew in a deep breath before addressing my children. "Hey girls, mommy is home," I said pleasantly, hiding the best I could my frustrated annoyance.

Faith jumped and looked at me guiltily from where she stood with Grace posing in front of my mirrored closet doors. Grace squealed in delight and ran to me throwing her arms around my waist and smearing her heavily made up face on shirt. "Mooommmmyyy!" Grace sounded joyously, "We look pretty Mommy, jus' like you!" She grinned from ear to ear.

Grace peered up at me with lipstick cheeks, black mascara on her lips and blue eyeshadow. _I own blue eyeshadow?_ She looked adorable. "Yes, sweetheart, both of you look beautiful," I said putting emphasis on the last word in a sing-song voice. I knelt down to hug her back and motioned Faith over so I could hug her too. "But I am pretty sure that I have told both of you that you are not to touch Mommy's things without permission, right?"

"I told Grace not to touch your make-up Mommy," Faith defended, even though her face was bedecked as well. With a raised brow I gave her a smirk "That may well be but I tell you what, how about we save make-up time for when Mommy is home okay? Now go show your Grandpa how pretty you are." Standing back up I gave them each a light swat on their bums sending them out the door. They giggled, tripping over the hems of my too long skirts and with sleeves hanging down over their hands.

With a sigh I took in the damage before closing my eyes to it and followed my children out to the living room. I actually wanted to take their photo but I resisted simply because I didn't want to encourage any future forays through my closet.

The wind was buffeting the house so hard I could feel the whole house vibrate and hum from it. Honestly, it was freaking me out a bit. I was trying to have faith that the old structure has stood this long in the blustery weather of Forks and it wasn't going to choose this windy, wet night to come crashing down.

As the house vibrated and the sound of rain pelting against my window heightened my anxiety I was grateful for the early end to my class. I wouldn't have wanted to drive through this, though I suppose I would have to drive through something similar eventually.

The storm had started rolling in as I had sent Charlie on his way. He had sheepishly apologized for not knowing what the girls were actually up to. I assured him that it was fine and thanked him for watching the girls for me. My gratitude was sincere as I knew he had to work the next morning and I would usually be getting home much later. Even though he didn't understand my choices he was being supportive and, really, he loved hanging out with his Grandbabies.

However, I couldn't say I was looking forward to the mess that would most likely greet me every Wednesday night. _Have I ever mentioned how much I hate cleaning up after other people?_ I chuckled at the thought because the one time in my adult life that I was only responsible for myself was very short-lived.

It took the rest of the night to get the girls cleaned up and into bed. I didn't have the energy to tackle my room and just stuffed everything into the bottom of my closet and shut the door. It could wait for the weekend. Now I just laid awake listening to the wind and rain.

My bed seemed too big for me and I hugged my pillow tight to my body. My chest ached, simultaneously feeling cavernously empty and pressed with a great weight. I felt alone. This in itself is not new, even when I was still married to Jake and our family was whole I felt alone, but there was something else now – I felt lonely.

For so long I had just felt nothing. For the better part of the last year I have made decisions, implemented plans, loved my children and basically took care of business. In hindsight I haven't felt anything in a long time. I have been a flatline of emotion without highs or lows.

Jake had been right. We had just been _**existing**_ with each other.

Jake's decision forced me to look at my life and the rut I had put myself in. I had refused to look at myself objectively. Fearful and uncertain I had boxed myself in. Finding excuses rather than creating solutions to achieve my dreams and goals. I allowed my decisions to be dictated by day-to-day necessities. I had hid in a numb little bubble doing what I thought was the right thing for everybody else. Hiding in where it was safe. I had wasted my own time.

Hindsight is 20/20 and I probably married Jake for all the wrong reasons. When I came back to Forks to take care of Charlie after his heart attack I was so broken. James had shredded me, leaving me feeling inadequate and used. Jake had always been there, loving me from the sidelines – constant. I thought I loved him because I did love him. It just wasn't the right layer of love and in the end it wasn't enough. Again, I wasn't enough.

Loneliness is not a feeling that I am familiar with. It ached. I rubbed at my chest trying to figure out why I was cracking around the edges. Yes I had always felt alone, separate even, but never lonely, if anything I usually felt smothered by everyone else well-intended attentions. Distracted by their needs.

The snug wrappings that held me together were unravelling.

Edward.

He baffled me. He energized me. He set every nerve ablaze. He scared the shit out of me.

Before going to bed, in the darkness of my home, I had looked up his Facebook profile. My heart had fluttered and skipped in my chest. I felt silly and giddy and secretive. It was so silly and so intense. After quickly perusing his personal information I opened his photo albums eager to devour more images of him.

I flipped through photo after photo. Edward smiling, laughing, eating and drinking. Edward alone, with Alice, his parents, with strangers surrounded by the beautiful scenery of the Italian countryside, and numerous pictures of Edward and a variety of beautiful women.

Finally, disgusted with my juvenile fangirl infatuation, I exited the site and made myself go to bed.

He infuriated me. I infuriated me.

Edward had no sense of personal space. His touches were too deliberate and too lasting to be unintentional. _Maybe it is some European thing?_ I could still feel the scorching reassurance of his hand on my back from when he walked me to the car. Gentlemanly good manners I scoffed to myself, nothing more. But the rest?

The touch of his leg during class set my mind spinning. I couldn't even write at first, hell, I almost couldn't hold my pen. His touch spirals deep in my belly creating need and urgency. His gaze, his scent, his voice and his very presence confuse me, excite me and have left me aching.

Want washes through me and is absorbed like a downpour on a desert.

I wanted him. Right or wrong. Possible or impossible. I wanted him. Even though he could, should, never want me. Curled up around my pillow I pulled it tight to my body and cried myself to sleep.

oooOOOOooo

My eyes are shut, a heavy beat conducted through my earbuds aids my feet to move continuously as I jog on the treadmill at Lauren's gym. The words and sounds of Lenny Kravitz belting out 'Fly Away' suit my mood this morning. I smiled when Trooper played next. Maybe my playlist was a little dated but I didn't care. Jake used to joke that I only liked music that we would have danced to in high school. Not true, because I like the bar music from college too.

I wonder what kind of music Edward listens to? Retro? I snorted to myself. I certainly fit that bill.

My breath was coming in pants as the machine eased down into cool off mode and I switched from jogging to walking. Opening my eyes I saw Lauren walking towards me with a bottle of water.

Since I had started coming in to work out every morning after dropping the girls off at school Lauren and I have had a chance to become reacquainted. I was leery at first because Lauren had always been aloof and somewhat snide in high school.

However, being that we were both rejected and scorned women seemed to be some sort of bonding element. Lauren was still picture perfect, manicured, blond and a figure maintained to perfection. While still somewhat superficial, time and experience had tempered her pride and she had gained some humility.

In the course of our visits I gained insight into the deep insecurity and self-doubts that led so much of her decision making and views. I could relate to her now and her to me. It was an unlikely friendship. Lauren saw us as sisters-at-arms. However, her mission to mould me into a cougar temptress was exhausting my body while simultaneously amusing my soul.

I smiled at Lauren and accepted the bottle of water as the machine came to a full stop. I pulled the earbuds from my ears and wrapped them around my neck.

"So, Bella it's Friday night," Lauren stated. She smoothed her hands over her long blond hair pulling it over her shoulder.

"Yes, it is," I said warily as I opened and began to drink from the bottle.

"Well, do you have any plans? I found a great new place in Port Angeles to go to. It's not that far and well, I had a blast there last weekend. Kind of got myself back out there you know? Back on the market? Back in the game?" She laughed nervously before rushing on, "What do you think? Want to join me tonight?"

I didn't know how to respond and to cover I continued to drink while my mind spun. _Am I ready to get back out there – back in the game and on the market?_

"Oh, well, never mind Bella," Lauren waved her hand turning away, "I imagine you have other plans."

"Lauren, no, that's not, shoot," I didn't want to hurt her feelings, "I just haven't been out, like that, well, as in single for, oh gosh, since college?"

"Well shit Bella!" Lauren span around, "What's stopping you?"

"I don't know? I have the girls to think of and," I threw my hands up, "I just plain don't know." I laughed then, my inner self wanting to hang her head in embarrassment and toe the floor. "I don't know if I'm ready yet?" I finally answered meekly.

Lauren looked at me appraisingly, and then she nodded, lost in her own mind for a moment. "I get that. So, let us not worry about tonight, okay?" she pointed to the mats, "But I get to work the shit out of you for the rest of the hour. I want you rocking your assets when you are ready. Those boys won't know what hit them – crunches – go!"

I groaned and Lauren chuckled. The water I had downed so quickly sloshed uncomfortably in my belly, but I complied.

I was sore after my work-out with Lauren but it felt good too. Felt like I was doing something good for myself. I turned up the music and directed my van out of Forks and headed down the highway towards Port Angeles.

Rose had a sub teaching her kindergarten class today as she had an appointment in Seattle. Alice had come up from Olympia to keep her company. I asked them to meet me for lunch in Port Angeles. I had a salon appointment and they would be travelling back through about the same time. I couldn't wait to take them to my favourite little Greek place down near the waterfront.

It was with a smile and freshly trimmed and coloured hair that I parked in the small parking lot. The restaurant was intimate with whitewashed plaster walls and deep blue accents. Water-coloured images of the Greek coast dotted the walls. Alice and Rosalie were already seated and waved when they saw me. I rushed over to join them.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be late," I apologized, contrite, as I sat down between the two of them.

Alice laughed, "You're not late Bella, we just got here before you. We haven't been here that long though. Your hair looks really nice. I like the red highlights."

Blushing, I fluffed my hair self-consciously. It's funny how your head always feels lighter after a visit at the salon even if not much was cut off. Rose smiled at me but it didn't seem to reach her eyes. There was a tightness and tension to her that worried me.

We made light chatter and sipped our water looking at the menu. Once the waitress left with our orders I asked how their morning went is Seattle.

"Not as well as I would have hoped," grimaced Rose.

"Oh," I replied, not wanting to be presumptuous but wanting to know what was bothering someone who I was hoping to become a friend.

"Emmett and I have been trying to get pregnant and this morning I had an appointment with a specialist to get the results on some tests we had done. The news wasn't that great," she said ending with a long sigh. "Apparently, I'm not ovulating, my hormones are all out of whack or some crap," she looked at me, her eyes glassy. "I have a prescription for some pills then more blood work to see how that goes. Then, if that doesn't help, its injections and I don't know what all else. It was a lot of information to try to take in, you know," She said with a sniff.

Alice passed her a tissue from a package in her purse. With a grateful look Rose took it and blew her nose before continuing, "It's just that I never thought it would be this hard. We are both young and we want a baby so badly. We want to start a family. Getting pregnant is supposed to be easy right?"

With a tight smile I patted her hand. "It has been my experience that nothing in a woman's life necessarily comes easy. I know it sounds cliché, but you just have to take it one day and one step at a time. Everything happens when it's going to happen," I said, then groaned, "I think I might have just quoted my Mother, I really am getting old," I chuckled, wanting to lighten the mood.

Rose laughed lightly, "Doesn't make it wrong," she said. Rose straightened up and gave her nose one more swipe. "What was it like for you, Bella? You have those two little girls. Did you and Jake do anything special to get pregnant?"

Memories of ovulation kits, pregnancy tests and emergency room visits flashed through my mind and my stomach lurched. I steadied myself with the images of my two beautiful and healthy baby girls.

"Well, I can honestly say that the getting pregnant part was not necessarily the difficult part of the equation," I answered, tensing slightly as our server appeared with our lunches. With our plates on the table I picked up my fork and half-heartedly pushed my calamari around my plate.

"I don't mean to be pushy but what do you mean?" Rose asked hesitantly.

"It's okay, Rose. I had several miscarriages. I get pregnant fine but…," I trailed off and let out a small sigh, "After the last one I got an infection after the DNC and am basically barren now. But I have Faith and Grace, so don't let me scare you. Something in me is just broken I guess."

"Mom had trouble too," Alice volunteered, "That's why there is such a large gap between Emmett and Edward and I. She says that getting a package deal at the end made up for the losses in between. I know it still makes her sad though."

We continued on eating in silence all lost in our thoughts, the mood, unfortunately subdued. I lost my first baby within weeks of finding out it even existed, the doctors and my Mother explaining it away for how common it is to lose your first. Your uterus just needs practice, my Mom had said. That and the stress of leaving James under such horrid circumstances double with Charlie's heart attack did not put my body in any shape to carry a child.

After Jake and I got married and were settled we went about trying to get pregnant. One was lost before Faith, two between her and Grace and finally the last little soul that made it to 12 weeks before the bleeding started. Each loss made me more determined to fill the void left behind.

Sex became a tool to get pregnant and it got to the point that every touch from Jake repulsed me unless the ovulation test said go. What a mess I had made of things.

"How long were you and Jake together Bella, if you don't mind me asking?" asked Alice, trying to revive the conversation.

"Oh, Jake and I kind of grew up together since his dad and mine were so close but we didn't start seeing each other romantically until I came back to Forks after leaving my first husband." I don't know why I was volunteering this but something in me wanted these women to know me. I had never really shared my story with anyone and maybe it was time – time to let it out and time to let it go.

So I proceeded to tell Rosalie and Alice the short history of my life. I told her how I was born in Forks. My parents married right out of high school, which was not unusual in the early 1970's, and had me shortly after. They were happy for a few years but when I was three my Mom announced that she wanted more. My mom left my dad taking me with her. Over the next 12 years we lived in 10 different states. Mom wanted to experience life she always said. Sometimes mom moved for work or school. More often, it seemed to me, we moved for a man or because of a man.

By the time I started my Freshman year of high school my Mom had completed her early childhood degree and settled into a Teacher Aide position at a school in Phoenix, Arizona. It was there that she met the man who is now my step-dad, Phil. Phil was the first man whom my Mom made a part of our lives. While he was wonderful and made Renee happy I started feeling like I was holding them back.

Phil and Mom needed to travel, as Phil was a minor-league ball player, and I just needed to stay still. That was when I decided to move in with Charlie in Forks. I finished my Junior and Senior years at Forks High. By the time I graduated Phil and Renee had settled down in Jacksonville. Despite her quirks I did miss her and I moved to Florida to go to university.

It was in my final year at Jacksonville University that I took an internship with the Campbell Publishing Company. It wasn't in my field but the job fitted my secondary interest of literature. I was assigned to work under James Campbell, the son of the CEO, his mother. James was in charge of manuscript acquisitions and I loved having the opportunity to read the writing of up and coming authors.

I never knew what James saw in me but it wasn't long before he was pursuing me with a vigour that took my breath away and made my head spin. He exposed me to experiences that my life up to that point could never afford. Fancy restaurants, VIP night clubs, lavish hotels and vacations to high end tropical resorts. He swept me off my feet. We were married the summer after I graduated.

Within two years everything went to hell.

"What happened," Rose asked, settling back in her chair as our server took away our plates.

"Things just changed. We moved to Miami where he took on more responsibility for the company. His mother hated me. She looked at me as some two-bit hick gold-digger. I didn't marry him for his money but I can't say I wasn't dazzled by it and, well, I was a hick. I was in no way prepared for everything that went with running with the jet-set, you know. I failed at everything and eventually that is all James saw in me – my failings."

"In the end I left him. He was cheating on me. I went back to my Mom, found out I was pregnant, miscarried and then I moved to Forks when Charlie had the heart attack. I swear it took longer to get divorced than we were married with the pre-nup and lawyers and what not all nonsense."

I took a large gulp of my water and looked at the faces of the two women sitting with me. Surprisingly I felt lighter. Of course, I hadn't shared all the details of James's indiscretions and the shit-storm that had ensued. That story was not one to share over a lunch and definitely required copious amounts of alcohol.

"Sorry, too heavy for lunch right?" I blushed, feeling self-conscious that I may have over-shared or bored them into a coma.

"Eh, we asked, but wow, you should really write down that shit down and sell it as a screenplay," Rose said with a smirk and snorted.

"You just need to add the secondary love interest that sweeps her off her feet and makes everything better," Alice added with a giggle.

"Well, I did meet Jake when I went back to Forks," I added, then rolled my eyes dramatically. eliciting more snorts and giggles.

"No, needs to be some young stud," replied Alice.

"Like Edward," said Rose. I almost snorted the water I was drinking through my nose.

"What?"

"I think he likes you," Alice said with raised eyebrows looking at her nails rather than at me.

"Do you think you like him?" Rose said with a wink and a smirk.

"What, are we in grade school? Are we passing notes? I'm getting the bill, lunch is on me," I quickly left the table with the billfold, flustered. _What was with everybody? Did Alice say that Edward likes me? What do I do with that? Well, I know what I would like to do with that, but oh my god!_

Once I paid the server I made way back to the table where Alice and Rose were whispering and giggling with each other. They stopped when I arrived and smiled sweetly. I momentarily felt like I was in high school again. It actually wasn't that bad of a feeling.

"So, I have to head back now so I get home before the girls get out of school. Thanks for joining me for lunch and letting me talk about myself so much," I said feeling slightly embarrassed for going on about me through the whole meal.

Rose stood and surprised me with an embrace, "I'm glad you felt you could share all that with us. I am happy to get to know you better, Bella."

When Rose released me Alice pulled me in and gave me a hug also. "Yes, I agree with Rose. It's great that you feel you can trust us, Bella. I think we are going to be good friends. And don't mind our teasing, "then standing on her tip-toes Alice whispered into my ear, "but I really do think my brother is crushing on you. He checks your Facebook everyday. If you tell him I told you I will kneecap you." Then she giggled pulling away. I was pretty sure she was joking.

"Oh," Alice said as she slung her bag over her shoulder, "Mom wanted me to invite you and the girls over on Sunday for brunch. She is dying to meet Faith and Grace. Eleven o'clock okay with you?"

"Yes," I answered, "that would be lovely. I would really like to see your parents again. Tell her I accept the invitation." I grinned at the two of them. My heart felt full and my spirit light despite how serious much of our conversation had been.

oooOOOOooo

Sunday was one of those rare sunny days in Forks. The weather was cool, however, and a wet ocean-scented wind shifted the branches of the trees lining the driveway that wound up to the Cullen home. The house was beautiful, and I took in the sight of the two-storied white-sided home as I put the van into park.

"Okay, we're here. Now remember what Mommy said about how we behave when we visit someone else's' home," I reminded my girls, eyeing them through the rear-view mirror. Undoing my seat belt, I got out and opened the side sliding door and helped Faith and Grace out. Taking their hands we approached the front door of the lovely and quaint modified farm-house.

We hand just made it up the steps and reached the wrap-around deck when the front door was thrown open and we were greeted by the smiling face of Esme.

"Oh Bella, I am so glad you made it. Please come in," Esme gushed, a large smile donning her face as she stepped back allowing the three of us entrance into her home.

"Thank you for having us, Esme," I said, handing her our coats as I helped the girls take them off. "These are my daughters, Faith," I said placing my hand on Faith's back, "and Grace," I put my other hand on Grace's head.

"It is very nice to meet you both. You two are every bit as pretty as your mother," she said as she lead us through with a sweep of her arm. "Come with me and we will join everyone else."

Off to either side of the foyer was a formal dining room and what looked to be a library or music room, going by the bookcase lined walls and the grand piano placed in the centre. We continued down a wide hallway into great room that included an eat-in kitchen that over looked a sunken living room.

Seated on the large casual leather furniture was Carlisle, Edward, another man who I did not recognize and my father. _Charlie?_ Charlie stood up when he saw us walk into the room spreading his arms wide to invite his granddaughters in for hugs. They ran to him with squeals and grins.

"Hey Dad, what are you doing here?" I asked genuinely surprised. I was not use to him being and out and about socializing.

"Oh, well, Emmett and Carlisle here invited me over to watch the ball game," he answered, pointing his thumb at the large flatscreen hanging above the fireplace. From their positions on the couch Carlisle and the man who must be Emmett turned and gave me a wave before looking back at the game.

"Hey Bella!" Alice exclaimed, coming into the room from the stairs carrying a box that was labelled toys on the side with large block letters. "Oh, here Edward, can you take these down for the girls?"

"Sure," Edward said from behind me. He brushed his finger tips along my lower back as he walked around me. "Hey Bella," he said with a small smile then took the box from Alice and headed down to the living room. My cheeks heated and my heart sped up from the combination of his deep smooth voice and the light touch of his fingertips on my body.

"Mom asked me to bring down some of my old toys for the girls to play with from the attic," Alice explained while waving me to follow her into the kitchen. I could hear my Dad introducing Faith and Grace to the Cullen men followed by joyous sounds as the box and its contents were presented to them.

"Seriously, Mom, have you kept everything we have ever owned? The attic is full of boxes," Alice said in a teasing tone to Esme who was pulling a sheet of chicken wings out of the oven. "Well, you never know when something is going to come in handy even if it is just for the good memories," she said placing the sheet on the range top and smiled fondly, watching my kids' delight as they dug through the box on the living room floor.

"Esme is there anything I can do?" I asked looking around at her beautiful kitchen in awe. The room was a mix of vintage and modern, kitsch and current, perfectly blended and utterly personal.

"Oh no, I have everything under control. Why don't you have a seat with Rosalie," she said distractedly as she flipped a towel over her shoulder. "Esme is the mistress of her domain. The rest of us just sit and watch with awe," Rose said with a wink from her seat at the table.

The table was covered with plates of cut fruit, rolls, pastries and even cake. "Everything looks delicious," I announced because, well, it did. "Please help yourself dear. Coffee?" Esme asked and when I nodded she gestured at Alice who promptly pulled a mug from the cupboard and poured me a cup.

Alice brought me the cup and joined Rose and I at the kitchen table. "So, Bella, I understand you have a birthday next week?" she asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

"Um, yeah I do, but how do you know?"

"Oh, a little bird saw it on your Facebook and told me," she drawled with an exaggerated head gesture towards the living room.

"Edward, are you stalking me?" I called towards the living room. "Isn't that what Facebook is for?" he answered. I chuckled despite myself. Birthdays used to make me uncomfortable and they still do to a certain extent. I was ambiguous about celebrating entering the dark side of my thirties but considering that in the last few years I was lucky to get a card it was actually kind of nice to be recognized.

I also had to admit to feeling a little thrill that Edward was taking the time to look at my online profile followed by a tremor of terror in what I may or may not have there. _Note to self: update and confirm all information on Facebook._

I was pulled from my thoughts when Alice started to speak again. "Do you have plans for your birthday?" Alice asked.

"Uh, no," I answered tentatively.

"Well you do now. We are taking you to Port Angeles for dinner and dancing," Alice said, then lifted her finger and quirked her eyebrow when I opened my mouth to respond. "Your Dad and Sue have graciously volunteered to watch the girls next Saturday night, Angela and Ben are going to meet us in Port Angeles and we are going to take your van because it seats six," she continued, ticking each point off on her fingers.

"Six? You called Ben and Angela?" I was flummoxed.

"Yep, Rose and Emmett, Jasper, Edward, you and myself…six," She stated smiling widely now. "Your Dad helped Rose and I to organize everything."

"Wow, I don't know what to say. I haven't gone out for my birthday…um, since college? Thank you Alice, thank you Rose, I'm speechless," I stood up and walked towards the living room. "Dad, that was awesome of you to help, thank you so much."

"Hey," he said from his place on the leather easy chair, "it was my pleasure. It's not everyday that my little girl turns thirty-five he said with a chuckle." _Okay, thirty-six but who's counting. Oh, and thanks for the age announcement._ "I'm just sorry that Leah wasn't able to come," then he broke off and cheered at something that happened on the television.

I turned and walked back into the kitchen. Rose and Alice both looked at me with their mouths dropped open. "Leah?" Rose mouthed silently. I just rolled my eyes and made a small crazy finger loop to my head. Only Charlie would think it was copasetic to invite my ex-husbands girlfriend to my birthday party.

I seated myself back at the table just as Edward walked in. He sat down next to me, turned sideways, and place one hand on the back of my chair. "So, everything a go for next weekend?" he asked taking a handful of grapes with his free hand. His fingers brushed against the back of my neck and instantly butterflies took flight deep in my belly.

"Yes, I think so," I said with a smile, proud that I hand managed to not stutter.

"Excellent," he responded, with a wink and a smirk, as he popped a grape into his mouth.

For the first time in my adult memory I was really looking forward to my birthday.

**a/n: Don't get too mad at Charlie he is just a tad oblivious. Next chapter is the birthday and it will be all EPOV! Things will start to heat up now – so for those of you who have come this far with me – Thank You!**

**Please read and send some love to these talented authors and their awesome stories:**

**http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6507291/1/ by Cullen Confection**

**http:/www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/6564423/1/ by Isannah**


	7. It Was Like Flying

**a/n: I am incredibly grateful to all you readers who take time to read and review this story. You make my day, week, month and year. Hugs and kisses to Jade GreenEyes and LasVegas TowGirls for so kindly pre-reading and listening to me obsess over plot points. Oh and I luv, luv everyone who I had the pleasure of sitting in Writing Circle with! :)**

_**Javamomma – here's your sweet, ginger-haired boy coming to flirt with you – thanks for recommending / pimping this fic!**_

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga – I am playing with her characters.**

Chapter Seven: It Was Like Flying

EPOV

Bella Swan, I swear that woman is going to be the death of me. My fingers alternated between clutching the steering wheel and tapping it anxiously. I am glad for the need to steer as Alice and I make our way, with Emmett and Rose in the back seat, to Bella's house. If it wasn't for my grip on the wheel am sure I would be biting my fingernails, a nervous habit I haven't given into since high school.

I caught my sister staring at my hands from the corner of my eye. I glanced over and almost groaned at the smug smile gracing her face. "What?" I asked her quietly.

"Nothing," she replied, but I knew that she left a teasing _'nervous much?'_ unspoken, which I really appreciated since we weren't alone in the car. I couldn't hide anything from my twin, but I didn't want to invite the opinions, or probable teasing jibes of my brother and sister-in-law.

Alice knew of my draw to Bella, she recognized it before I did, from that first sight of her in the diner. She has been cautiously supportive. She knows me inside and out, the good and the bad, and was getting to know Bella. Alice was optimistic but just didn't want anyone to get hurt.

When Alice warned me that Bella had not only a history, but a family, and could not be treated like one of my weekend love affairs I almost snarled at her in both embarrassment and anger. I resented her for throwing my recent history in my face, because she knew that is not how I always had been, and she knew why.

It annoyed the hell out of me that Alice was getting to know things about Bella before me. Tonight was my first opportunity to see Bella socially outside of the classroom. Well, except for last weekend.

Seeing Bella in my family's home was unexpected and the reality of her as a Mom floored me. It was a different side of her, one I hadn't seen yet. She was so poised and in control. Her little girls looked so much like her. The look her daughters gave me when I presented them with that box of toys made me feel like the king of the world.

Everything about Bella drew me in. Her voice, her smell, her face, her mind and even her children all combined to make this package that I was hopeless to resist. It confounded me. I couldn't stay away from her. Whenever we were in the same place I needed to be near her and I couldn't seem to stop myself from being in contact with her.

Even worse, is not knowing if I had similar affect on her. That only added to my confusion and my nerves. Every time Professor Donovan flashed Bella his cocky smile or complimented her on a particularly astute observation I felt my guts clench in anger. Did she prefer him over me? Was he a better match?

The woman had me tied up in knots and I only met her a month ago. Alice may tease me about 'crushing' on Bella but I wasn't sure if even she knew how obsessive my infatuation had become.

I was embarrassed when I was outed for my obvious stalking but at the same time secretly pleased that Bella had evidence of my interest in her. Alice was more than happy to hatch a plan to involve us celebrating Bella's birthday and charmed her way with Charlie to acquire both childcare and contact information for any of Bella's friends.

I was surprised how small that list was. I was equally shocked by Charlie's concern about Leah not attending. It made me wonder how close Bella was with her ex-husband because it did not seem too usual for wives to be friends with the husbands' other woman. What concerned me more was the more likely possibility, that they are not, and the observation from her Father was both thoughtless and callous.

My hands squeezed the steering wheel tighter with the thought of Bella hurting in any way. Thankfully we were approaching her driveway and I let my breath out in a heavy sigh, escaping my thoughts.

I pulled up beside a newer model minivan, killed the engine and as I exited the vehicle I was greeted by the glorious sight of Bella's rear end.

Bella was leaned way over, through the side sliding door of her minivan. She was wearing dark jeans that cupped her bottom and as she reached further into the vehicle it exposed more of her behind to my grateful eyes. Bella stood, suddenly and skipped back a step, a pink booster seat in hand. Turning she caught my gaze; my head embarrassingly had tilted to the side as I had been, unconsciously, ogling her. As her cheeks reddened I couldn't help but smile widely, I loved that I could make her blush. I did that.

I stepped to Bella and stopped, perhaps too close, but I just couldn't seem to help myself, and took the seat from her.

"Here let me get that," I said, dipping my head down so I could speak towards her ear. Bella blushed again, and looked down demurely, a small smile playing about her lips. For that moment I didn't see Bella the Mom or Bella the Divorcé, or even Bella who is out of this kid's league. I just saw Bella, a girl, and I really wanted to be her boy.

Bella and I made quick work of the carseats, placing them inside the entrance of her home, where she made a quick good bye to her family that included hugs and birthday wishes from her two little girls. While Bella was busy at the house Alice and Rosalie slipped the box with Bella's cake and a few gift bags into the back of the van.

Alice and Jasper, who we had collected on our way, sat in the back row, Emmett and Rosalie in the middle and I sat in the font with Bella as we drove down the highway to Port Angeles. I had never actually been in a mini-van before and was impressed with how comfortable it was.

The drive went by quickly as we all visited en route. When we arrived the restaurant, two people who turned out to be Bella's friends Ben and Angela, met us at the vehicle. They hugged and wished Bella happy birthday, before we went in and claimed our reservation.

Angela and Ben had made the dinner arrangements and inside the restaurant a large table waited for us. Angela had ordered an assortment of appetizers for everyone to enjoy rather than having a formal dinner.

We all sat down and the waiter arrived immediately with a couple of bottles of wine. Alice placed the cake on the table and handed out sparklers to everyone. Emmett lit the sparklers and we all serenaded Bella with the traditional birthday song. Bella blushed and tried to hush us, looking around at the other patrons, who were looking over and grinning. When we finished up there was applause, which seemed to make Bella even more embarrassed. She did thank us, though, even if she did roll her eyes at the same time.

It was interesting watching Bella interact with her friends, Ben and Angela. It was different from the way she was with Rose or Alice, and even that was different from her demeanour at school. In the few study groups we have had, Bella seemed quiet and held herself apart, until she would throw in an observation that blew the rest of us out of the water.

I wished that she would speak up more around Alice and I. Bella chatted and joked easily with Ben and Angela, smacking Ben's arm at a jibe and rolling her eyes with Angela over some inside joke. They seemed almost like siblings.

I was across the table from Bella, which gave me a good view of her, but I couldn't touch her, which seemed to be all I wanted to do lately.

Feeling left out, I pulled out my phone and opened its camera feature. If nothing else I could take pictures. Bella was opening her gifts now, flustered and telling everyone that they shouldn't have. I restrained my own eye roll over that.

Gnawing my lip nervously, I watched Bella open up the small gif box containing my gift to her. I had racked my brain and wandered around small shops in Olympia trying to find something unique for her, yet not over the top.

She opened her gift and I let out the air I hadn't realized I had been holding, when she smiled and looked at me with shining eyes. Bella pulled out the dainty woven leather bracelet. It had beads of amber strung through the braided strands. A few even contained small insects.

"It's lovely, Edward, where did you find this?" Bella asked, turning to Angela who latched it around her small pale wrist.

"I found it in a small shop that sells rocks, petrified wood and other fossils found in some of the archaeological digs they do around the state," I explained, smiling, pleased that she liked it. I felt slightly smug inside.

After the presents, we finished up eating and packed up to leave for the club.

"Oh, I can't wait to get dancing, how about you guys?" Alice gushed, swivelling her hips and bumping into Bella. "I found the perfect club and even better, it's Retro Night!"

"Oh?" queried Bella, her eyes meeting Angela's, whose mouth a dropped open slightly in surprise.

"Yep," continued Alice, oblivious to the silent exchange, which had me confused as well, "I do believe you said once that all your favourite music is what you listened to in high school. This is perfect, as all they will be playing tonight is music from the eighties and nineties."

I grimaced slightly, worried that Alice may have offended Bella, but surprisingly Bella just laughed and gave a shake of her head.

"Sounds great, Alice, lets go."

Emmett had driven up earlier this week and slipped the manager some cash to reserve us a table. It turned out that his foresight was a really good thing, as the club was packed. We were directed to our table and a server arrived promptly to take our drink order.

The music was loud and reverberated through the floor into our very bones. We were arranged boy-girl around the table, sitting on stools. Bella and the rest of the girls swayed to the music while Emmett, Jasper and Ben hunkered over the table, talking something sports related.

I noticed that Bella's glass was already empty. I looked around the club but I couldn't see a server anywhere to flag down. "Bella," I called to her over the music, "do you want to walk with me to the bar for another drink?" She nodded enthusiastically and hopped down of her stool. She stumbled slightly when her feet met the ground.

"Jeez, those stools are like climbing Mount Everest. I'm surprised that Alice didn't need a grappling hook," Bella said, sidling up close to me, chuckling and shaking her head. I really noticed then just how small she is. Bella's head barely made it to the top of my shoulder and she stood on tip-toe when talking to me in the loud nightclub.

The club was crowded and getting rowdy, as Bella and I made our way to the bar. I snaked my arm around Bella's waist, as we were jostled by the press of bodies, not wanting to lose her. At least that's what I told myself. Guiding our way zigzag through the maze of half-cut patrons we arrived at the equally crowded bar, the bartenders sweating to serve the many people lined up requesting drinks.

I was thankful for the crowd, as I stood behind Bella, my hands resting on her waist. In this situation she couldn't accuse me of invading her space, since there was little to be had. I smiled as I felt her leaning back into me. It felt good, natural.

"Bella!" shouted a woman, pressing through a group standing to our right.

"Lauren! You made it!" shouted Bella in return, stepping away from my hands to hug the blond-haired woman.

"Happy Birthday, Bella! You have to let me buy you a shot, they have the yummiest drinks here to go with the even yummier clientele," Lauren said to Bella, before spying me standing there. "Speaking of yummy, who is that at your ten-o-clock?"

"Oh, OH!" stuttered Bella, looking flustered all of the sudden. "Lauren this is Edward, Edward this is Lauren," Bella introduced.

Lauren eyed me brazenly and I suddenly felt awkward, and even slightly intimidated by her unabashed perusal. "Well, Bella, I'm impressed, when you finally decide to go shopping you definitely hit the gourmet aisle."

_Okay, standing right here, can hear you_. I started to wonder just how long this Lauren had already been here.

Bella's skin glowed with embarrassment. "Oh, no, Lauren, Edward is a friend from school…," she trailed off. I wasn't sure if she was embarrassed for me or for herself but I was having none of that. I quickly stepped close to Bella, covering my momentary discomfort with bravado.

Wrapping one arm back around Bella's waist, I stuck out my free hand to Lauren. "Good to meet you Lauren. Yes, Bella and I go to school together. Do you live in Forks too?" I greeted her, sporting my best win-them-over smile, as I shook her hand.

Lauren's eyes glazed for a second while she nodded dumbly. "Oh, that's great. You probably know my parents, Carlisle and Esme?" Again Lauren nodded and then her face changed to a look of mild shock. "Oh, you are Edward Cullen," she gasped. I was disconcerted by the weird emphasis she put on my name but at that moment a break appeared and I steered us up to the bar.

Lauren ordered us a round of shots and then she and Bella made some more small talk that I couldn't hear over the din. Finally, we stepped away as Lauren mentioned something about fishing and good luck. Bella turned to me and rolled her eyes.

"Isn't she joining us?" I asked Bella, watching her friend disappear into the crowd.

"Oh no, apparently Lauren has found her happy hunting ground. You guys failed to realize that retro night is code for 'Cougarville'. I don't think there is a guy in here over thirty other than Jasper and Ben," Bella chuckled ruefully, shaking her head.

Bella pulled away from me as we walked from the bar, veering away from the dance floor.

"Hey, where are you going," I called to her, catching her hand and pulling her back towards me.

"Its okay, Edward, thanks for being such a good sport but you don't have to entertain the old lady," she said with a smile that looked more like a grimace. "I don't want to mess with your game. I'll just head back to the table with the others."

I noticed that she wouldn't look and me while she said this. In fact, she appeared to be looking anywhere but at me. It hit me then. Bella was nervous, and more than that, she was unsure.

I felt like such a fool. Bella would have all the same reasons I did for feeling confused and uncertain, if not even more. I remembered then Alice's advice that Bella probably wouldn't make the first move. It was time for me to stop hinting.

I stepped up close to her. Our bodies weren't touching, but I could feel her heat as if we didn't have layers of denim and cotton in the way. I leaned my lips down till they were just touching her ear. For a second I had to still myself and close my eyes. My lips were so close to her skin for the first time and it took my breath away.

"Bella," I breathed into her ear, "The only woman I want to dance with is you."

Then, with the hand I had not relinquished, I pulled her deep into the dance floor, through the crush of bodies, until we were alone, however surrounded.

The beat of the song was strong and the dance floor was dark, lit up randomly with multi-coloured strobe lights. I pulled Bella close to me with a hand on her hip, the fingers of my other hand intertwined with hers, nestled between our chests. She was stiff and I prayed that I wasn't reading her wrong. I felt that I was standing on a precipice.

"Just feel, Bella," I said huskily, the please left silent, as I stared intently into her unfathomable brown eyes.

Hesitantly, she raised her free hand and placed it on top of my shoulder. Her fingers grazed the skin of my neck and my heart raced from her touch. With what seemed like agonizing slowness our bodies began to sway together to the heavy beat. I groaned inside with every brush of our hips as our bodies moved together. I was lost in the warmth she radiated, igniting a fire deep in my belly. My heart pounded.

The music faded out and a slower, more languorous beat took its place. It was some eighties ballad. I released her hand and pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her waist as our bodies slowed in time to the music.

It felt like I couldn't get close enough to her. Bella arms brushed along my shoulders, until her hands joined together behind my neck. Our foreheads touched and both our breaths were coming out in slow pants, from both our previous exertion and the intensity of the moment.

My every nerve was ablaze, reaching for her. The very air seemed thick and heavy, wrapping and binding us together.

"Do you feel that, Bella?" I croaked, my nose brushing the lobe of her small pink ear, "Please, tell you feel it too."

"Y-yes," she stuttered breathlessly.

Not allowing myself to second guess my actions, I ran my nose along her cheek until my lips found hers. Everything around us disappeared at that instance. All that existed was the feeling of her soft lips against mine.

Bella's mouth was still at first, unresponsive, and for a second I felt a flare of panic until her arms tightened. Then, then it was like flying. Bella's lips moved with mine as her hands gripped my hair pulling me into her.

We gave up all pretence of dancing as I gripped her shirt with one hand and entangled the other in her hair. I crushed her to me.

Our lips parted and I groaned into her mouth as her sweet tongue brushed against mine. Everything became surreal, between the flashing lights, the music, and the sensation of our lips and tongues moving together, it was like a dream.

I was jolted back to reality by a sharp hip bumping forcibly against mine. It was Alice and Jasper; they had obviously been dancing together, that is, until Alice hip-checked me. Now the two of them were standing there looking at us with wide eyes.

Both Bella and I realized simultaneously, that we had been basically making out on the dance floor, like teenagers on their parents couch. I looked down at Bella with an apologetic smile but she wasn't looking at me, rather she was, mouth agape, taking in the press of people around us. As her eyes lighted on Alice and Jasper her jaw snapped shut and she bolted.

Stunned, I just stood there as Alice brushed passed me, following Bella through the crowd. Slowly, I turned to face Jasper who was looking at me, straight faced and one eyebrow quirked. Uh oh. The two of us just looked at each other while the song ended and the bodies moved around us.

Then Jasper's face morphed with a lazy smile, he chuckled, shrugged and with a strong pat on my back, he exited the dance floor. Relieved, that I wasn't going to get the shit kicked out of me, I followed suit and returned to our table.

oooOOOOooo

Sunday was a lazy day at my parents' house in Forks. There was a misting of rain outside and the light was getting dim inside. I sighed heavily from where I laid on the sofa, playing with my cell phone. It was getting on to dinner time and I suppose Alice and I should get going home to Olympia, but I wasn't going to suggest it until Alice did.

Mom and Dad had gone out for dinner with friends and it was just Alice and me in the house. With my head resting on one arm, I scrolled through the pictures I had taken last night on my phone. I could hear Alice chatting off in the kitchen. I wondered, for a nanosecond, who she was talking to, before losing myself back into thoughts of last night.

After kissing Bella on the dance floor, I had returned to our table. Alice and Bella were still missing and Jasper had his head close to Angela, talking into her ear. Angela looked at me and then winked. With my face flushed, I debated going back over to the bar when Bella and Alice returned. Alice hopped up onto a stool next to Jasper and Bella stood near me.

She looked at me shyly through her lashes and bit her lip. She looked adorable. Turning her back to the table she touched my arm to get my attention, so I leaned down closer to her.

"That was really embarrassing," she spoke into my ear, so I could hear her over the music, the feel of her breath made me shiver.

I looked at her disconcerted and moved my mouth to her ear. "What? The kiss?" I asked.

"No, getting caught," she responded with a sly smile. I smiled back, but resisted kissing her. All was good in the world.

The rest of the evening had gone by quickly. We shared a few more rounds of drinks and Bella danced with the girls, but I never worked up the courage to ask her to dance again. We never did kiss again either. I had really wanted to walk Bella to the door when we got back to her house, but we had an audience, so it just felt awkward.

I continued scrolling through the photos, stopping to look at a picture I had taken later that evening. It was a shot I took at arms length, with my arm around a slightly inebriated Bella. Her smile was joyous, her eyes slightly glazed and, I noted with a chuckle, that alcohol made the tip of her nose pink up.

During the drive back Bella had fallen asleep on my shoulder in the middle seat. Jasper was driving with a still animated Alice in the front seat. Emmett and Rose dozed behind us. I had put my arm around her the best I could and cradled her head in the crook of my shoulder. My cheek resting against her hair and I breathed her in.

Bella was shifting something inside of me. Feelings I had pushed away years ago, since Irinia broke it off with me. She had made it clear what her use for me was when I had proposed and she had laughed me off. After that I resigned myself to, and admittedly revelled in, being a good time fuck.

Did I want that with Bella? Holding her in my arms I felt differently. I didn't want to be just another pretty face, the pretty boy to rebound out of bad marriage with. But where would I fit with Bella? I wished I could read her mind.

As I placed a soft kiss to the top of Bella's head I caught my sister looking back at me through the space in the front bucket seats. She gave me a sad smile. I knew that she knew. Bella was changing everything.

I was pulled from my reverie by fabric hitting me in the face. Sitting up, my pyjama pants and a t-shirt fell to my lap. "What the fuck, Alice," I snarled, confused and annoyed.

Alice silenced me with a finger and a stern look before smiling and speaking into the phone at her ear, "That sounds great, Bella! Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Okay, we will be there in twenty."

What?

"What's going on, Alice?" I asked, but got another 'finger of silence' while she hung up and ran into the kitchen. Getting up off the couch I followed her into the kitchen where she was pulling a menu out a drawer.

Leaning against the wall I waited, impatiently, for Alice to tell me what was going on. My eyebrows rose then pressed together in confusion as she quickly dialled and ordered four large pizzas for pick up.

Alice smiled smugly as she hung up the phone and pocketed it. "Why aren't you dressed?" she asked me, as if she didn't know I had been standing there the whole time.

"Alice," I growled, "what is going on?"

"We, brother dear, are going to Bella's," she said skipping up to me and giving me a peck on the cheek. "You can thank me later."

"O-kay, but why the pyjamas?"

"Because it is pyjama and pizza Sunday, silly! Now change," she ordered, as she left and began to hop up the stairs, muttering about nailpolish and stick-on tattoos.

I gaped after Alice for a moment, before shrugging. I retrieved my clothes and went to change. Pyjamas and pizza it is.

We were out of the house and at Bella's house in record time, the only hold up being a short wait at the local pizza place. I made Alice fetch the pizza, because there was no way in hell that I was going to be seen in public in my sleep pants. However, if she was willing to wear bunny pyjamas in public, she could be my guest.

When we arrived at Bella's, Alice knocked on the door and I stood behind her holding the pizza boxes. I smiled at the sudden din of excited little voices on the other side of the door. Bella opened the door laughing, "Hi, Alice you made good time…oh!" Bella's mouth dropped opened when her eyes landed on me. "H-hi, Edward, I didn't know you were coming too," she blinked a few times, then with a smile stepped back and held the door open. "Come on in and please don't mind the girls, they are excited to have company."

We stepped inside and toed off our shoes. Alice pulled fuzzy bunny slippers from her bag, which matched her white flannel pyjamas with pink bunnies, and put them on her feet. Alice waltzed into the living room and opened her arms wide. "Okay, who wants pedicures?" she asked Bella's daughters with an experienced and excited tone.

I stood frozen at the door staring at Bella. She was wearing black and navy pinstriped pyjama pants and a black strappy tank top. I swallowed, hard, when her nipples began to peak under the light fabric. No bra. I dragged my eyes to her face and cleared my throat.

"So, where shall I put these?" I asked her, bouncing the boxes in my hands before lowering them slightly to hide my groin. Thankfully, I had kept my briefs on so I wasn't pitching a tent in my blue cotton sleep pants.

Bella eyed the boxes for a second before raising her eyes to my face. "Um, just take them into the kitchen, through there," she said, crossing her arms and blushing, pointing vaguely towards an opening off the entrance with her head.

"Sure thing," I said and quickly headed where she had indicated. Entering the small kitchen, I placed the boxes on the counter, and then stood back against the counter opposite. I took in the surroundings, trying to get a read on Bella through her home, as well as giving my body time to calm down from its reaction to being near her, _without a bra_. I groaned at the visual and rubbed my hands briskly over my face and through my hair.

"Edward?" I dropped my hands and looked towards Bella who had come into the kitchen. She had put a navy cardigan on. "Everything okay?" she asked moving closer to me.

"Oh, yeah. I hope you don't mind that I'm here," I said, as Bella organized and opened the boxes on the counter. Her kitchen wasn't new but was fresh and tidy. Small appliances dotted the countertops and she moved a stack of mail to the top of her laptop on one end of the counter. Pictures of her kids and postcards were held with magnets on the front of the fridge.

I moved in for a closer look. "So, what exactly are 'Pizza and Pyjama Sunday'?" I asked, looking at the smiling faces of her little girl's. There was one, of the two standing with Chief Swan and an elderly native man. The girls looked younger in this photo and a boat and dock could be seen in the background. They had obviously been fishing, as all four were proudly displaying their catch of the day.

"Oh," Bella gave a breathy chuckle, glancing at me as she pulled plates from the cupboard, "it is a tradition I have created over the last couple of years. Sunday is when I do laundry and the girls and I just hang out at home. So we just stay in our pyjamas all day and order pizza for dinner. We play games and just relax, it's silly really, giving it a name."

"I don't think it's silly at all. Family needs traditions. It makes you a pretty cool Mom, actually," I replied, distracted by a photo booth picture of a much younger Bella hugging another familiar looking girl. "Angela?" I asked, pointing at the photograph.

"Um, Yep," Bella answered, moving to stand next to me. She looked at me bashfully, "That was back in high school. Angela was one of the first friends I made when I moved to Forks from Phoenix."

"Jacksonville?" I asked then, pointing at a postcard with the name written in large bold letters over a city landscape.

"That's where my Mom and Step-Dad live. It is also where I went to University," she said, one finger raising to touch the postcard gently.

"Miss it?" I don't know if I was referring to her Mom or the place, maybe it was both. I had so many questions and every answer created more.

"Yes and no," she said, with a sad smile. Something about how she said that tugged at me and I raised my hand and stroked her hair back, gently running the back of my fingertips over her cheek.

A knock on the door made us jump from whatever place the moment was transporting each of us to.

"I wonder who that could be?" mumbled Bella as she exited the kitchen. I followed Bella and found her opening the door to Jasper.

"Hi Jasper," Alice said, jumping up from the couch, where she had been painting Faith's toenails. "What brings you by?"

Jasper turned at the sound of Alice's voice, a large grin brightening his face. "I found that book I had mentioned, the one on the restorative work done to paintings damaged during the civil war, and I was just stopping by to give it to Bella to give to you…," he trailed off and the two of them just stood there, the door still open and lost in each other.

Bella looked over at me, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised, a smile played upon her face. I returned her look, raised my brows in response and shrugged.

Bella giggled. "Well Jasper you are in luck, Alice is here and you won't need me as a go between. Why don't you come in? We were about to have pizza. Alice brought enough for all of us," Bella said with an exaggerated sweeping gesture.

"Hey, sure that would be great, thanks Bella," Jasper responded, breaking his eyes away from my sister. This time I had the opportunity to raise my brow at him. When he returned the look with a chagrined smile, I rolled my eyes. All was good.

Bella set Faith and Grace up with their plates on the coffee table, where they sat on the floor and watched a mermaid movie on the television. Then the rest of us adults, balanced ours on our laps sitting in the living room, alternating between chatting eating and getting caught up in the cartoon ourselves.

When everyone had their fill Bella set up the Wii and the Fit board. Faith and Grace laughed and giggled as they helped Alice and I create our Wii avatars. I was a little frightened by how accurate they were and irrationally jealous that Blondie already had one set-up.

Since Bella only had four controllers, Alice insisted that us guys play with the girls, so she could have a little 'girl time' with Bella. It was pretty awesome, actually, even if I did feel like a doofus getting my ass handed to me by a five year old doing the hula hoop.

Though in all fairness, Bella's laughter threw me off as I gyrated my hips madly, balancing on the ridiculously small board for my large feet. When I turned to look at Bella, the sight of her blush and shining eyes, threw off my balance and I stumbled off the board. I had the distinct impression that she had been checking me out.

I flopped down on the couch next to her, earning a dirty look from Alice who was kneeling on the floor painting Bella's toenails. "What were you looking at Bella?" I asked her with a teasing smirk.

"Proof that men really do have a completely different center of gravity than women," she quipped back, looking at me sideways, her lips twitching.

Leaning in closer, I whispered into her ear, "That thought is what made you blush? Well then, in all fairness I think you need to prove your point and show us your moves." Before she could respond, bionic ears Alice smacked me on the leg, "Bella is busy, go play with the rest of the kids, pest."

Rolling my eyes, I begrudgingly obeyed. After the hula hoop, which was Grace's favourite we moved on to the ski jump, where Faith ruled the slope. Grace was getting frustrated, she just couldn't get the timing right. I knelt down beside the little girl, who looked so very much like Bella, and helped explain to her what to look for on the screen. With a light hand I guided her down the slope and helped her keep her form and balance for the jump. She squealed with joy at the successful jump and threw her little arms around my neck. I returned her hug with a gentle squeeze.

The four of us, with Bella and Alice watching, tried out all the activities on the game and when we had completed the last one Bella announced that it was bedtime. Both girls began to protest loudly, not wanting to stop playing, but upon learning that Alice would be reading them their bedtime story, raced each other up the stairs.

I sat on the couch and chatted with Jasper about Forks until Bella and Alice came back downstairs. When I saw Bella walk into the kitchen, I rose and followed her. I found her busy putting the leftover pizza into the fridge.

"Did you want to take any of this to take home?" Bella asked, spying me out of the corner of her eye.

"Nah," I answered, "we're good."

"Okay, did you want a beer or juice or something?"

"Sure, a beer would be great."

Bella handed me a beer from the fridge. Then she pulled a bottle of fruit wine and poured some into a wine glass taken from the cupboard.

"Do they seem engaged?" she asked, motioning with her head to the living room, where Alice and Jasper were talking quietly to each other.

"Um, yep. I think Alice may be crushing on your teacher friend though. I hope that is okay with you?" I asked, testing the waters.

"Absolutely, Jasper is awesome. He and Alice seem to have a lot in common."

I did a little cheer inside at her nonchalance. It was reassuring that Blondie wasn't a rival for Bella's affections.

"Do you mind if I quickly do up these dishes while we visit?" she asked, nodding towards her sink.

"You want me to dry?" I asked, looking for a dishtowel.

"No, that's okay. My Grandma always said to let God do the drying," she laughed, pointing to the dishrack.

I leaned against the counter next to her making small talk about our Profs and assignments, while Bella washed up the few dishes she had in the sink. I sipped my beer and enjoyed the view I had. The bonus of being tall: reach the top shelf of the upper cupboards and have a great view of Bella's cleavage. Her breasts shifted softly together and bobbed as she washed and place items in the dishrack.

"Edward?

"Huh, uh, yeah?" I stuttered, blushing a bit, hoping I hadn't been caught staring. I tried to cover by quickly taking another draw of my beer.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Uh, sure?"

"Okay, because there is something I really need to do right now and I want you to join me, but you cannot tell a soul all right?"

To say I was intrigued and slightly excited would be an understatement. The semi I was sporting from checking out her cleavage was heading to full on wood. "Absolutely, mums the word."

She gave me a strange look then smiled. Picking up her wine glass, she motioned me to follow and we headed to the back exit off the kitchen. We stepped out onto back porch and Bella reached under the step, pulling out a small plastic tacklebox.

She sat down on the top step and patted beside her. As I folded my tall frame down on the step, she had opened the tacklebox and pulled out an ashtray, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"This is my dirty little secret. Think you can handle it?" Bella asked with a laugh and a quirk of her brow. She quickly lit up and took a long draw. As she exhaled, her face and shoulders relaxed noticeably.

I reached over, taking the cigarette from her fingers. My fingers slid slowing across hers as I took the smoke from her. After taking a long drag, I replied, "Yeah, I think I can handle it."

With a coy smile, Bella took another sip of her wine. We continued on in silence looking out on the backyard, sitting in the dark, sharing the cigarette.

Watching her wrap her lips around the cigarette wasn't doing much to help the situation in my pants. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. She passed the cigarette back to me. It was almost erotic placing my lips to the same place where hers lips have just been. I could taste her on the filter.

Leaning across her, I reached to stub the smoke out in the ashtray. My head was in front of Bella's face and I felt her breath on my ear. The air seemed to hum between us. All I had to do was turn my head. So I did.

I brushed my nose against hers. "Bella" I breathed. Our lips touched, then again and again. Gentle, chaste kisses that tasted of cigarettes and strawberry wine. Then she opened her mouth slightly, releasing a breathy moan across my face. Turning our bodies into each other, her hands were in my hair and I moved one to her waist, reaching up to cup her chin with my other.

"Edward, no, we shouldn't do this…," she said huskily. Her words made my heart clench. We had yet to discuss what had happened last night. I could sense her hesitancy in the air between us.

"Why Bella?" I asked not moving away, refusing to break the moment. I needed to feel her. I knew, though, I knew what made her nervous. The same fears fluttered in my own belly. Resolutely, I pulled her face closer to mine, my eyes pouring all my desire into her caramel ones.

"I'm not a child, Bella. You don't have to be afraid. I know what I want. Just…just be with me," I whispered into her mouth and touched my lips to hers again.

Our kisses deepened, our tongues tentatively, shyly touching. It was gentle and unhurried. I stroked her neck softly, and then pulled her head even closer, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth. Her hands left from pulling through my hair and dropped down stroking her fingertips across my chest. Her touch sent a current through me, making my heart stutter. I hardened even further from the feel of her soft fingertips.

I lowered my hand, first caressing her neck, then her collar bone, and then brushed down over her left breast. The draw she had for me was all-consuming.

"Edward," she moaned against my mouth before gasping slightly as her nipple hardened beneath my palm, her fingers gripping my t-shirt. I nipped at her neck, as her head lolled to the side and palmed her breast more firmly, spurred by her small sounds.

Bella and I jerked apart at the sudden squeak of the door opening.

"Um, hey, sorry Bella! I…er, just wanted to let you know that I was heading out. School night and all that," said Jasper, standing in the doorway, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Blushing scarlet, Bella jumped up from the stoop. "Oh, sure, sorry Jasper. I was just coming back in." She turned looking at me, her lips were swollen and red and I wanted them back.

"I will be right there, you go ahead," I said, urging her to go back inside. If I stood up now there would be no doubt what we had been getting up to out on the back step. Suddenly, I felt like I had just been caught necking by my Mom or something.

As Bella followed Jasper back into the house, I let out a long breath, and then smiled. Licking my lips I could still taste strawberry wine. Once my body settled down, I picked up Bella's glass and my empty beer bottle and headed into the house.

I deposited the items on the kitchen counter and followed the sound of Bella's voice to the front door. Alice was standing beside Jasper with her bag on her shoulder. It looks like we were all leaving. I caught Bella's eye as I sauntered towards the group. Smiling, as she blushed, she pulled her sweater tight capturing it under her arms as she crossed them, tucking her hands. That did marvellous things to her chest. Licking my lips slowly, I smiled back.

"Ready to go big brother?" Alice asked, eyeing me suspiciously. She was smirking, which caused me to narrow my eyes at her in warning.

"Sure Alice, I will be right there just give me a second," I said.

Jasper opened the door and offered to walk Alice out. There was definitely something happening there. Bella shut the door then turned to look at me.

Pulling on my coat, I stepped close to Bella, "I had a great time tonight. I really hope to get invited to another pyjama party." I chuckled inside and smiled as she blushed, picking up on my innuendo. Oh, I definitely waned to have another pyjama party with you Bella. Better yet, a naked party. With that image there is going to be a party in my pants to attend to when I get home.

Placing my hands on her hips, I leaned down and placed a single soft kiss on her lips. "Goodnight Bella. See you in class Tuesday," I said quietly. Then I walked out the door, my heart thrumming and my spirits high.

**a/n: Here are two stories I am loving and recommend you check out:**

"**All I Want" by momof4luvntwisaga**

"**Elementary Education" by Muse2MyMojo**


	8. BornAgain Teenager

Life is What Happens

**a/n: I am incredibly grateful to all you readers who take the time to read and review this story. You make my day, week, month and year. :)**

**Hugs and kisses to Jade GreenEyes, LasVegas TowGirls and KikiTheDreamer for so kindly pre-reading and listening to me obsess over plot points. (LasVegas and Kiki write too – go check them out!)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga – I am playing with her characters.**

Chapter Eight: Born-Again Teenager

BPOV

I got up Monday morning and showered and dressed. I got my girls up as usual, fed them breakfast, made their lunches, got them dressed and walked them to school. It was a usual weekday morning. But it wasn't. Everything seemed different.

I avoided making any real talk with Rose as I directed Grace to her classroom. Rather I waved, smiled, pointed to my watch with a shrug and bolted. I even skipped going to the gym after I dropped the girls off. I really wasn't ready to compare notes with Lauren regarding our weekend activities. Truth be told, I was freaking the fuck out.

He kissed me. Edward Cullen kissed me. Fuck, I was giddy and gushing and I don't know what the hell else I was feeling. My mind and thoughts and feelings were all in overdrive and scrambled to complete incoherency. He left me Sunday night with the taste of him on my mouth, the feel of his hands impressed on my skin and I wanted more, so very much more.

As I walked around the block I veered across the road away from my home and straight to Angela's front door. Angela opened the door just as I raised my hand to knock.

"Hey, Lady," Angela said with a grin, holding the door wide and stepping aside.

"Hi," I responded, walking through the door.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"Please," I answered, following her to the kitchen.

We sat down, coffee mugs in hand, at Angela's round oak kitchen table. We both sipped silently. I perused her artfully arranged collection of family photographs on the wall.

"So you had company last night?" asked Angela, smiling into her mug.

"You are ten cat's away from turning into old lady Lincoln if you if you are already peering at your neighbours through your drapes," I deflected, but my humour fell flat. Angela leaned back in her chair, crossed her arms, and raised one eyebrow.

"I don't think I'm the one in danger of growing old and collecting cats," She said pointedly. I rolled my eyes.

"Where's Ben?" I asked, wanting but not wanting to talk about what I really, really wanted to talk about.

"Where he usually is, in his office, downstairs," answered Angela, without elaboration. Obviously, she was willing to wait me out.

I tapped my fingers against my coffee mug, turned it clockwise then counter-clockwise. "He kissed me," I breathed out the words quietly.

"I know, Jasper said it looked pretty hot," Angela said with a chuckle.

"I mean, he kissed me again, last night. We may have made out a little. I'm going to hell," I groaned, hiding my face into the palms of my hands and resting my elbows on the table.

Angela laughed, "This is bad why? I thought you liked him?"

"Oh, God, totally smitten and crushing like a school girl, yes, I like him," I groaned again.

"Do you 'like' like him?" she asked, her tone teasing.

"Angela! Seriously, help me out here! I am completely discombobulated."

"Okay, I am going to assume that means he has your knickers in a twist," said, Angela, frowning slightly.

"What?"

"Your panties in a knot?" Angela was smirking now.

"Angela!" I was getting exasperated.

"What? I fail to see the problem here. You like him, he obviously likes you," she said, splaying her hands apart and shrugging.

"The problem is that he is closer in age to Sophie than he is to me," I responded irritably.

"Ew, well that is just wrong. Sophie is still a child. You and Edward on the other hand are two grown adults. Again, what is the problem here?" she asked, the put her coffee mug down on the table with a sigh. "How much younger is Phil than Renee?"

"Really, bringing my Mothers' choices into this does not help me," I retorted.

"Why not? They seem happy together."

"Yeah and do you know how many heartbreaks she endured trying to find that happiness?" I asked her with a frown. It wasn't like my Mom paraded a string of men in and out of my life. In fact, Phil is probably the only boyfriend of hers I met. But I wasn't oblivious to when she was dating and when she was not. As I got older I learned to recognize the highs and lows, and remember the many nights listening to her cry herself to sleep in the other room.

"I always kind of admired your mom," Angela said quietly, after a long pause.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, she has always been so brave, so fearless. I admire her courage," Angela said contemplatively, eyeing me over her raised coffee mug.

"What?"

"Bella, do you think the choices she made were easy. It takes guts to recognize that you are not happy and to do something about it. I know that you have always seen her decisions as flighty or selfish but, I guess, I see them differently."

"Oh really? She is admirable because she is constantly taking on projects or classes and never finishing?" I questioned, wondering where this line of discussion was coming from. I loved my Mother, but her inability to follow through and see things to completion had always been a sore point with me.

"Why stick with something if you know it's not your thing? Did she lose interest, perhaps? Is she constantly on a quest to find herself? Absolutely. That is who she is," replied Angela, gazing at me calmly.

"The boyfriends that never panned out?" I challenged.

"Sometimes it takes finding out what you don't want in a man to recognize 'the one' when he shows up. She never stopped trying," she said, ignoring my snort of derision. Renee had a perfectly good man to begin with but had to keep looking for one better. 'The grass is always greener' comes to mind.

"What about taking off with me and leaving Charlie?" I loved my Mom, but the little girl never did forgive her for taking me away from my Dad. I had promised myself that when I had a family that would never happen.

"Can you imagine how hard that was? What a difficult decision. You're a Mom and I know you were _content_ with Jake but what if you weren't? What if you wanted more? Yes, here she had stability and security but she wasn't happy. It takes a strong woman to make such a difficult choice. How many stay then resent their partner for the paths not taken? Blame themselves and everyone around them for putting them in a box? I think your Mom saved everyone a lot of pain down the road but taking a huge chance when she did."

I frowned, my brow furrowing. I wasn't angry but Angela's words struck a chord. There were certainly moments, many moments, where I had felt boxed in. Yet, when the girl's were so little, I wrote it off to the hectic day-to-day of raising babies. I suppose I had tried not to look at those feelings too deeply.

"Bella, do you think that is why you married Jake, moved to Tacoma, became a stay at home Mom?" Angela asked, her question mirroring thoughts that of my own. Thoughts that I had only lately allowed myself to dwell on. Thoughts that I wished, in many ways, I never had. Regret is a dirty bitch.

"What do you mean? There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, you are," I replied, the sharpness of earlier dulling. I wasn't sure if I was trying to justify myself to her or to me.

"Yes, but I don't remember that being your dream or your plan. This is all I wanted. I am happy. I have just wondered, sometimes, over the years, if you have been making decisions based on not being Renee. Decisions based on making other people happy."

I really didn't know how to respond to that. This certainly was not the conversation I thought I would be having when I came to Angela's door. It made me wonder how long she had been thinking about this. Why my usually reticent friend was being so determined to make a point.

"Hang on a second, I want to show you something," Angela said suddenly, her chair scraping across the linoleum as she rose and left the room. I waited, trying to quiet my thoughts, a few minutes later Angela returned. She placed an envelope on the table in front of me.

Picking it up I recognized my own handwriting on the envelope, addressed to Angela, when she was still living with her parents. Curious, I pulled out the few sheets of paper. My eyes wandered over my rushed script, a mix of print and cursive, scrawling on both sides of the sheets. It was a letter written to Angela from when I was in my third year at Jacksonville University, a few months before I met James. The last sheet was not handwritten; rather it only contained the following typed lines:

_(from "The Shoes of The Fisherman" - Morris L. West - 1963)  
_

_"It costs so much to be a full human being… one has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms. One has to embrace the world like a lover, and yet demand no easy return of love. One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying."_

Angela waited quietly while I read, her hands clasped together on the table in front of her.

"Do you remember that girl? I do. You are not your Mom, Bella, but that doesn't mean the best parts of her are not in you. The best parts of Charlie too. All together you are uniquely Bella. But you have to let yourself breath."

"Now as for Edward, well all I can say is that ever relationship can't be started under assumptions. You don't always have to analyze every future possibility. Sometimes you should just go with the flow and see what happens," Angela said, rising from the table and walking past me, squeezing me lightly on the shoulder as she went by.

Her touch elicited a memory of my Mom. For a second, I was a teenager again, sitting and getting advice from my Mom. It was a good feeling.

Angela refilled our coffee mugs and returned to her seat. She leaned forward and rested her chin on one upturned palm. "So, now tell the bored married woman, who must live vicariously through her single girlfriend, about this make-out session with mister yummy pants," Angela said with a smirk.

I broke out into giggles, followed by Angela. Just like that the mood was changed. I spent the twenty or so minutes recounting, with as much detail as I felt comfortable sharing, the events of the previous night.

Angela made approving sounds over Edward playing with my kids and flirting with me, sighed over the kisses and may have made an under-her-breath derogatory comment regarding Jasper's timing. I blushed, and stuttered, and again managed to get myself worked up into a flustered mess of female bits.

Leaving Angela's, I walked sprightly across the street. Even though my friend had given me a lot to think about I felt lighter somehow. Her easy acceptance and encouragement of my attraction to Edward made me feel optimistic. In a funny way, Edward reciprocating those feelings, and the rabble of butterflies that swarmed through me at the thought of him, made me feel like a born-again teenager. It was like being in love for the first time.

Once inside my house, I kicked off my shoes and flung myself onto the couch. Lying back, I placed one foot on the floor, the other to rest on the back and tucked my hands behind my head. It was thoroughly comfortable and I'm sure I would chide my children if I caught them in the same position. That thought brought me back to bits of the conversation with Angela, which had been buzzing around in the back of my mind.

Have I really been judging my mother so harshly all these years? Shamefully, I had to admit to myself that I probably have. When I was a child I adored my mother, she was perfection and could do no wrong. As I grew into a teenager, I began to recognize that she was not perfect and, naturally I suppose, began focusing over what made us different.

Unfortunately, as I became an adult, I obviously never took the time to view my mother as a human being, fallible and perfectly imperfect. I never grew up enough to just accept her for herself. Rather, I continued to hold her up to some socially described yardstick. Did I do that to make myself feel better? How did I rate on said yardstick? Really, why would that matter so much?

It is shocking to think that at thirty-six, I still had some growing up to do. Sitting up I picked up the cordless phone from the side table and dialled my Mom's home number. I had a few chores yet, while my girl's were is school. Combining that with a good catch up with my Mom sounded like just thing to do.

oooOOOOooo

Tuesday felt like the first day of classes all over again. I sat in the van, the window rolled all the way down, smoking a menthol and staring across the parked cars at the campus buildings. The rabble of butterflies was starting to feel like a murder of crows. What was I supposed to do when I walked into that classroom? _Do I hug him? Just say hi and sit down?_ It was like nothing and everything had happened. _Did the kisses even mean anything to him?_ I groaned and stubbed out my cigarette. I just wish I knew where I stood. Suddenly feeling like a teenager didn't feel all that great.

"Hi," I started violently, jumping in my seat to the unexpected voice at my window. It was Edward. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said, with a sheepish grin. The ravens and the butterflies all melted to into warm honey in my veins with the sound of his voice.

"Hi, it's okay. Guess I was zoned out," I replied, feeling shy and embarrassed.

"So, coming to class?" He asked, smiling.

"Oh, yes, just a second," I answered, pressing the button to roll up my window and then pulling the keys out of the ignition. I grabbed my bag and exited out of my Van. Edward was leaning against the side of the vehicle. He was alone. "Where's Alice?" I asked.

"Probably in class already, I saw you here and came to collect you," he said, looking at me through his eyelashes. It really should be illegal for guys to have such beautiful eyelashes.

"Oh, okay," I said hurriedly, and turned to walk to class.

"Hey, wait a second," Edward called out. Grabbing my free hand he pulled me back to him. He placed one sweet, chaste kiss on my lips. "We don't have to run," he said, then kissed me again. Just like the first time he kissed me, and the second, I was lost, lost in the sensual feeling of his smooth, soft, firm mouth on mine.

He pulled back with a moan that set my bones on fire. "Hi," Edward said softly, resting his forehead on mine. "Hi," I said in return, breathless, the sound of my blood rushing through my ears.

Edward gave my forehead a quick, wet peck and stepped back, still holding my hand. "Okay, now we might have to run," he said with a laugh. I couldn't help but grin in return. Butterflies and ravens be damned.

We half jogged, half walked and by the time we reached the door of our classroom I was winded and slightly giggling. I stopped at the door, suddenly unsure again, and moved to drop Edward's hand. Instead of releasing me, he tightened his grip and opened the door, pulling me in along behind him.

My eyes immediately fell on Alice as we walked through the door. Her eyes took in our joined hands, she smirked, and returned to typing on her phone. My cheeks were hot as Edward and I finally made our way into our seats, only then did he relinquish my hand. Professor Donovan walked in and shut the door behind him seconds after we gained our seats.

Today we were getting a lesson on the history of the development of the Internet. I listened with half an ear. I had already read the preparation notes for today's lecture and, well really, I had lived through it. Instead, I casually observed the siblings sitting on either side of me.

Alice and Edward were easily recognizable as siblings, despite the dissimilarity in colouring. Alice, to my right, was sitting forward in her seat, typing her notes directly into her computer, her phone lying beside it on the table. Her eyes continuously would dart from the screen at the front of the room, to the screen of her small computer, to the screen of her phone. Edward, in contrast, was not taking notes at all. Rather, he lounged back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, and his knee, as seems to be his habit, pressed against mine under the table.

I leaned back in my seat, my hands on the table, and turned my head left, slightly, looking in Edward's direction. His eyes darted to mine and away, a small smile pulling indolently on his perfect pink, cupid bow lips. A quivering ache slithered through my belly. He dropped his one arm and moved it behind me, where he began to stroke soft circles on my lower back, in the space between the back of the chair and the top of my jeans.

My breath escaped with a shaky sigh as his fingers found the gap between my shirt and the top band of my jeans. He stroked my bare skin a few times then spread his fingers, his pinkie slid under the band of my pants, and his thumb continued to stroke my skin under my shirt. His touch was so intimate and innocently erotic, my skin warmed and any attention I was paying to the lecture was lost. All I noticed was the feeling of his thumb gently stroking the skin of my lower back.

It was work to school my breathing, my eyes trained on my joined fingers resting on the table in front of me. The trembling ache in my belly surged and my thighs pressed together convulsively. My heart clenched as the trembles sliced through my chest.

I tried vainly to remember the last time such a simple touch from a man made me so undone. Intimacy with Jake had had its moments of passion, but was generally lukewarm, not unpleasant but nothing earth shattering. The closest comparison would be foggy distant memories of the early times with James, when everything was new and he took such care to teach me how to touch and be touched.

Edward contained more sexual energy in his thumb than all my other experiences combined. I closed my eyes and just got lost in the sensation of his touch. The pad of his thumb was slightly rough and gently scraped as it moved, making the skin in its path warm and tingle. His hand and long splayed fingers encompassed almost the entirety of my lower back.

My mind drifted to memories of his hands on me Sunday night on my back step. My nipples hardened with a sharp ache in visceral response to the memory of the same thumb, currently stroking my back, running over my breast. I began imagining what could have happened if we hadn't been disturbed by Jasper. Perhaps his hands would have gripped me tighter, his lips could have trailed down my neck, or lower?

Edwards hand stilled on my back and his fingers squeezed into my skin. I opened my eyes, blinking several times to regain focus. I realized that my hands were no longer joined on the table, but rather my left had wandered down and was resting on Edwards's thigh. Glancing at him I saw that he was staring at me with heavy eyes, I also realized that everyone else was packing up to leave.

Flustered, I quickly pulled my hand away and began gathering my things and stuffing them into me bag. Alice was already standing and waiting when I pulled my bag to my shoulder. Edward had moved as well, and he stood throwing the strap of his messenger bag over his head. My back felt cool, missing the warmth of his palm.

"Coming?" he asked, holding out his hand for me to take, his burning gaze made me feel deliciously exposed, like he had read my thoughts from a few moment prior. Taking his hand, Edward led me and Alice out of the room and down the hallway.

Halfway to the library, I excused myself to run to the restroom, telling them that I would catch up and meet them there for our weekly study session. I needed a quiet moment to regroup. After using the facilities, I gazed at my reflection in the mirror above the sink while I washed my hands. There was something different, a lightness I wasn't familiar with. My eyes were shiny, my skin slightly flushed and I couldn't stop smiling. With an eye roll I realized I was happy.

I dried my hands and gave my own reflection a goofy smile and practically skipped to the library. The library had three small and two larger private study rooms that could be booked by students. Glancing over the daily schedules tacked to the doors, I found our group, opened the door to study room 'B' and stepped inside.

The study room lacked in both glamour and windows, just large enough to accommodate a square table that had six chairs jammed around it. The walls were nondescript beige and a corkboard, with a few notices, was attached to the wall opposite the door. Alice was sitting on one side of the table, Edward was across from Alice, and Krystal was sitting next to him with Ethan on the corner next to her.

Edward pushed out the chair at the corner next to him with his foot. Taking his invitation, I sat down and put my bag on the chair next to me. Alice was ready with her mini-computer. She was the self-designated note taker, none of us had argued with her. Since our time was limited, Alice quickly got us started using the list of discussion questions assigned with the days class.

Edward was, as usual, leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed and his long legs stretched out under the table. Also as usual, Krystal did most of the talking, Ethan and Edward interjected here and there and Alice informally chaired the group. Krystal, annoyingly, kept directing her comments directly to Edward, as if it was just the two of them in the room. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

A few minutes into the discussion, I felt Edward's foot brush up against my ankle. I caught my breath softly as he hooked my ankle with his foot and lightly bounced it a few times before stilling. The action warmed me inside and I smiled a little at the thought that he always wanted to maintain some sort of physical contact with me. I wanted it too, but wasn't nearly as brave. Maybe I should be.

Catching his eye, Edward gave me a wink, and then flinched as Krystal leaned into him, putting her hand on his arm. "Well, Edward?" Krystal asked. "Uh, well, what?" Edward responded. Apparently, we had both missed whatever it was that she was asking.

"I was just saying that it is boring having to learn all this ancient history about the technological stuff," Krystal explained, leaning into Edward's arm. I barely contained a snort which caused Krystal to look across at me, her eyes narrowing.

I sucked in a breath, and then said, "Well, it is probably for the purpose of comparison. To fully grasp the social ramification of, say, social networks, one needs to comprehend socializations prior to. For example, as society became more mobile individual's maintained contact through letters. This developed into pen pals; newspapers facilitated the meeting of strangers through ads. International newspaper ads allowed people to seek out contact with individuals globally. E-mail came to replace pen and paper and chat rooms became the medium allowing strangers from all over the world to meet. It's putting the social content within a historical paradigm with the technological developments." I trailed off, flushing under four sets of eyes trained on me.

Krystal blinked at me a few times. "I never really thought about it that way," said Ethan. "It would be like the theory of propinquity. Online dating sites are the new rule of the five block radius for people meeting potential romantic partners." Ethan continued his point but I was distracted when Edward flinched again, except this time Krystal's hands were not visible. My stomach clenched, involuntarily, as a burst of anger shot through me.

"So," Krystal broke in, causing Ethan to huff and roll his eyes, "It's my birthday this weekend."

"You don't say," replied Alice dryly, lowering the screen on her netbook and resting her chin in one upturned hand. Edward moved his foot from my leg and noisily shifted his chair over closer to me, turning it slightly as he went, until he was seated next to me. "Oh, well happy birthday, Krystal," he said.

The room was quiet. Edward raised his arm and rested it on the back of my chair. His fingers wove through my hair and he began stroking the back of my neck. A delicious shudder ran through me.

Krystal took in the move, her cheeks paling then pinking. Her eyes flickered over me then she set her face into a brilliant smile, her gaze focused on Edward. "Why thank you, Edward," she gushed. "So, my friends are taking me out for a big bash up on Friday and I was hoping you could join us?"

Jealous angry outrage speared through me so sharply that it took my breath away. I almost didn't hear Edward clear is throat. "Actually, Krystal, I'm going to the movies with Bella on Friday night, but I hope you all have a good time," he answered her smoothly. _Huh? We're what?_ My eye's flickered to Krystal and I saw her face fall slightly, then I looked over at Alice who had a smile on her face but was looking at her phone.

"Oh! Well, why don't, uh, you come and join us after? You just have to buy me a shot," Krystal said maintaining an upbeat tone. I almost felt embarrassed for her. Since the first day of class she has been batting her eyelashes at Edward. I was still dumbfounded as to why he had turned his attention to me instead of her.

"We will be going to the movies in Port Angeles, so…," Edward shrugged.

"Port Angeles?" Krystal queried, her voice rising in pitch.

"Yeah, well Bella lives in Forks, and I'll be with Bella," he explained. The innuendo hung in the air, and I released a shaking breath, my light-headedness making me realize that I had been holding it. I pressed my hands together to steady them, my whole body was vibrating.

"Oh, okay then," Krystal said softly. Ethan, raised his hand towards her, and then let it drop back down on the table. The motion was not lost on me. There was something there, for him anyways.

"Well, our time is up, been a blast babes but I have to get to my next class," Alice announced, her voice upbeat and cheery, and she stood, packing away her things. We still had time but it was apparent that we weren't going to be getting back on topic.

Edward stilled me with his hand on my shoulder when I moved to stand, so I sat and waited with him as the others exited the room. Now alone, Edward turned his body to face me. His face was chagrined and he was worrying his lip with his teeth. His mouth transfixed me. I wanted to have those lips on mine again.

"So, Bella, will you make me an honest man and go to the movies with me on Friday?" he asked bashfully. I started laughing, all the adrenaline that had been coursing through me burst through my lips. Edward eyed me, warily, with one raised brow. "Uh, so is that a yes or a no?"

"Edward, you're not obligated. I understand that you were just looking for an out. Though, I don't know why you wouldn't want to go -," Edward cut off my rambling with a sudden fierce kiss. His hand moved from my shoulder to the back of my head, pulling me to him. I leaned into the kiss, my hands on his thighs for support. There was nothing chaste about this. Kissing in a blitz of lips, tongue and teeth, we only pulled away when we were both breathless.

Opening my eyes, I saw that his were still closed. I raised my hand to his cheek. "So, what movie are you taking me to?" I asked, smiling as his lips quirked and he opened his beautiful green eyes for me.

I left the library in a dreamy daze. Edward had to head to another class and I went to one of the campus coffee shops to kill an hour until my next class. I sat down in the back corner, after ordering and receiving my coffee. I pulled a granola bar out of my bag and my journal. I was digging through my bag for my pen when I voice interrupted my search.

"Is this seat taken?" asked a deep lilting, accented voice. I looked up in surprise at the figure of my Sociology Professor. He smiled down at me, a paper cup in one hand and a muffin in the other.

"Oh, sure, be my guest," I answered quickly, with a shrug and a flicker of my fingers to the empty seat across from me. Giving up the search for my pen, I straightened in my seat as Professor Donovan took his, placing his items on the small table with mine. I observed with amusement that the writing on the side of his cup said 'extra shot caramel,' with a heart and smiley face.

Donovan caught my gaze, and twisted his cup to see what I was looking at. I snorted a giggle at the sheepish surprise that flashed across his face. He glanced over his shoulder to the young ladies working behind the counter and then settled back in his seat with a shrug and a sigh. "I swear it's the accent, there can be no other explanation," he said with a grin that made his grey eyes crinkle.

"So, Bella, yes?" he queried, taking a sip from his cup.

"Yes," I answered. "So how are you today, Professor Donovan?" I asked, making conversation, unsure why he asked to join me.

"Please Bella, call me Brian," he said, unwrapping his muffin. "What do you think of the class so far?" he asked, mumbling around a mouthful of blueberry bran.

I raised my eyebrows, taking a moment to unwrap my granola bar, before responding. "Well, I don't think I completely appreciated the fact that not everyone recalls a time without cell phones, until this class."

Brian snorted and coughed around his swallow of muffin. "Yes, that is rather humbling, isn't it?" he responded, clearing his throat.

"If that is another way of saying it makes one feel old, then I agree whole heartedly," I said, exhaling through my nose. Brian guffawed and shook his head at me. "No, really, I swear it reminds me of the disbelief I had as I child that my parents did not have microwaves or colour television," I continued, chuckling along to his contagious laughter.

"Now, Bella, I refuse to look at it as getting old. Rather, we are experienced. It gives you an edge," he said, leaning onto the table with his elbows, cocking an eyebrow, and his grey eyes sparking mischievously.

An intense energy radiated and I felt my cheeks warming in response. I took a large gulp of coffee and then trained my eyes on the sight of my fingers breaking apart my granola bar into quarters.

"So, tell me, Bella, do you live here in Olympia?" he asked.

"Oh, no, I live in Forks. I drive down here for my classes," I answered.

"Oh, really? Lived there long, your husband works there?"

"Um, no…my ex works out of town but lives in La Push. But I finished high school there," I answered, not really wanting to get into it. "It seemed like a good base to move back to, so that the kids still had easy access to their dad."

"Kids? How many? How old are they?" Brian asked me, around bites of his muffin.

"I have two girls, um, how about you?" I queried, trying to redirect the conversation.

"Oh, I have a daughter. Her mom and I divorced ages ago, before I accepted this position here in the States. Actually, I could probably use your advice. My daughter recently, came here to live with me. Her mom remarried and I guess her and the new husband don't get on. She's fifteen and she has me baffled."

I laughed lightly. "I can imagine. I went to Forks to live with my dad when I was seventeen. I'm sure that he had no clue what to make of me."

Our conversation continued, around sips of coffee and nibbling on the remainder of our snacks, centred on the conundrums that are housed in the minds of teenage girls. Brian had an easy way about him; he had a face that was open and joyful, and a cocky confident manner. His accent was not prominent but gave his speech a musical quality that pulled you into his words. He made me laugh and before I knew it, it was time for me to head to my last class of the day.

"Well, thanks for the company, but I have to head off now," I said, rising from the table and pulling my bag over my shoulder. "See you in class on Thursday."

"Yes, it has been a pleasure, Bella," he said, standing, "have a lovely day." His eyes penetrated me and again I felt heat in my cheeks. Fumbling out a good-bye, I hurried off.

It wasn't until I was half-way through my last class of the day that the realization hit me. Was it possible that Professor Brian Donovan had been flirting with me?

**a/n: Here are some stories I am loving and recommend you check out:**

"**Make Your Own Kind of Music" by lazykate**

"**Mile High Club" by Babypeach16**

"**Rubbish" by belladonnacullen**

15


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